AITA for telling my dad I won’t participate in therapy after he listened in on a private conversation?

A teen’s quiet phone call about missing her late mother turns into a family firestorm when her dad and stepmother, who eavesdropped, confront her and punish her with no dinner. Nearly 16, she’s grappled with her dad’s quick remarriage and his efforts to limit her grief, from curbing visits with her grandfather to pushing Mother’s Day for his new wife. When he demands family therapy, she refuses, citing his betrayal of her trust. He calls her difficult, but she stands firm.

This isn’t just about a phone call—it’s a clash of grief, privacy, and trust. Her refusal is bold, but is it justified? Readers are hooked: did she rightly protect her heart, or should she try therapy? The family drama demands a verdict.

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‘AITA for telling my dad I won’t participate in therapy after he listened in on a private conversation?’

This teen shared her family conflict on Reddit, detailing her dad’s eavesdropping and her resistance to therapy. Here’s her original post, unpacking the emotional turmoil.

So I lost my mom when I was 7, I'm now I'm almost 16 and my dad married a few months after she died (7 to be exact). They were pretty much estranged at the time so I wasn't surprised. But his moving on so hard and fast was hard for me. He was happier than he had been when my mom was alive. I don't think he loved her anymore.

And I think he was hoping I would jump on the chance to start afresh. For me the first big hurdle was about a week after he got married he told me he wanted me to see my grandpa less because he didn't think it was good for me.

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My grandpa is my mom's mom and he raised my mom and my uncle from the time they were 2 on his own after my gramma died. He never remarried and my uncle at the time didn't have any children. I told my dad it wasn't fair and I needed him. It turns out he felt my grandpa's decision not to remarry he felt was a bad influence on me and what I would feel regarding him remarrying.

His wife for the most part I got along okay with. I was distant. I didn't want to look at anyone else as a mom figure and I think she was hoping that eventually I would. She wasn't too pushy though and I know I'm lucky that way. But after that first year it was insisted we celebrate her on Mother's Day and that was hard.

About two years after, when she was pregnant, and I had just been told, they asked why I was so sad and I told them I missed when my family was together and I had my mom. They discouraged me from talking about it and my dad said it was a hurtful thing to say because our family was different but we were still a family.

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Except that feeling has never changed. But I don't speak up. I didn't want to get into trouble for saying anything. My mom's birthday was in December and I was talking to my best friend about it. I was telling her that I really missed the way my family used to be, my mom, and how I disliked how things were now. There was a lot talked about. I was in my room.

I was talking pretty low so nobody could hear. But then when I got of the phone I was confronted with about 30 minutes of the phone conversation from my dad and his wife. I was pissed they eavesdropped on me. They said I didn't talk to them. I pointed out what happened. I got sent to my room without dinner. The next day my dad said he was getting us all family therapy.

I told him I wasn't going to participate because he eavesdropped on me and then got mad for saying something in a private conversation that he scolded me for saying as a child. He told me I was making life difficult for him by refusing to go and by talking like that still.. AITA?. I'm not so sure I'm not anymore so I decided to come on the internet and ask.

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Grief lingers, especially for a child who lost a parent, and this teen’s pain was compounded by her dad’s actions. His eavesdropping on her private conversation about missing her mom, followed by punishment, shattered trust. His quick remarriage, discouragement of her grief, and limiting her grandfather’s role show a pattern of prioritizing his new family over her healing. Her refusal to join family therapy is a stand against further vulnerability in an unsafe dynamic.

This reflects challenges in blended families with unprocessed grief. A 2023 study in Journal of Family Issues found that suppressing a child’s grief in favor of new family norms often deepens emotional disconnection. Her dad’s actions align with this, risking long-term strain.

Grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt says, “Children need safe spaces to express loss; violating privacy undermines healing”. His insight validates her stance, though individual therapy could offer her a neutral outlet. Her dad’s failure to acknowledge her pain, instead framing her as “difficult,” suggests denial of his role.

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She could explore solo therapy to process her grief and set boundaries. Her dad needs to rebuild trust through accountability.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit dove into this family saga with takes as raw as an open wound. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, sprinkled with humor—because even grief-fueled feuds need a chuckle.

coffeeb4breakfast − NTA.. How is he going to react when you say your true feelings in family therapy?. It would probably be better for you to have private therapy.

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[User] − NTA But family therapy might still be helpful. I would definitely tell the therapist pretty quickly about this egregious breach of trust in eavesdropping on your private conversation. If the therapist tries to back them up at all on that front, they probably haven't found a very good therapist. Hopefully the therapist is a good one, though, and will help your parents to understand boundaries.

martinii24 − NTA - I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this. Your father has broken your trust in multiple ways over the years - it’s understandable that you don’t want to pursue therapy with him.

Might I suggest pursuing individual therapy, however? You have a lot of tough things that have happened to you at a young age, and your father hasn’t helped you to process those. I think it will be helpful for you. You deserve to be happy.

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Delicious_Lobster468 − NTA, you're hurt and grieving. But therapy is good for you. Ask for private therapy before you're willing to deal with family therapy.. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Reddit User] − NTA. But go to therapy and say all that you’ve said here. The therapist will tell your dad how dumb and awful he’s been. I bet dad won’t like therapy for long when it doesn’t go his way.

[Reddit User] − NTA. He is trying to get you to forget your mum by not speaking about her and trying to cut off her family. He didn't want you spending time with your grandpa because he felt guilty about getting married within months of your mums death.. I wouldn't participate in therapy either - who says he wouldn't use whatever you say against you?

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[Reddit User] − There is a saying. 'Eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves.' People who listen in on others' private conversations should be prepared to hear things they won't like. That's the second good reason for not doing it. The first is: you are breaking a basic rule of privacy.

I suggest you agree to go for ONE therapy session. See if you like the therapist, listen as your dad and SM outline what they think are the problems, see if their stated goals for therapy align with yours. You will then know what to do going forward -- whether to continue, or to have private meetings with a therapist on your own, or whether to just stop.

Your feelings about your mom, your granddad, your SM ... they are all valid. No-one should say 'you have to stop feeling that way'. That's not how it works. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.. NTA ... good luck to you.

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JustSteph80 − NTA. Please reconsider going to therapy. Your feelings are valid & your pain was never addressed. I can't imagine a therapist hearing this & agreeing with the way your dad handled it. I'm not saying that a therapist will turn you all into the Brady Bunch or anything.

But his avoidance & wanting to push your mom to the past (keeping you away from her family & not letting you mention her) is not healthy & may eliminate him as a part of your future. Let him hear that from a professional.. Internet (((hugs))) going out to you.

Jazzlike_Humor3340 − NTA. But if you do get dragged to family therapy, have a pre-written statement you can read at the beginning of therapy, to tell your therapists these issues. In particular:

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1. Your father and his wife (I won't grace her with the title 'stepmother' since you don't identify with it) have isolated you from family you found support in, including your maternal grandfather, for years.

2. They will not let you talk about your feelings about your mother. 3. They force you to celebrate your father's wife on mother's day, not your mother. 4. They eavesdrop on your private conversations with friends.

5. They punish you by withholding meals when you talk about missing your mother in private conversations with friends that they have eavesdropped on. 6. They have told you that your feelings about missing your mother are not valid, because the family is just 'different' now.

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madisengreen − NTA but go to therapy and tell the therapist everything your dad did, maybe he can learn he is in the wrong.

These Reddit quips are heartfelt, but do they heal the rift? Was the teen’s therapy boycott a justified stand, or a missed chance for resolution?

This teen’s clash with her dad is a poignant tale of grief stifled and trust broken. Her refusal to join family therapy after his eavesdropping and punishment, backed by Reddit’s support, is a stand for her right to mourn privately, yet his accusation of “making life difficult” stings. As she nears 16, one question looms: can this family find a path to understanding? What would you do when your grief is policed? Share your stories and weigh in on this emotional standoff!

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