AITA for telling my dad he chose between me and his fiancé when he prioritized her surgery over mine? [UPDATE]?
In this updated chapter of a long, painful saga, a 17-year-old girl’s ongoing struggle with an absent and unreliable father reaches a new turning point. The original conflict—stemming from her father’s decision to prioritize his fiancée’s lung cancer surgery over her scoliosis surgery—has now evolved into further emotional distancing.
As the daughter navigates senior night and the bittersweet milestones of growing up, her frustrations with her father’s broken promises and fleeting presence intensify. The update not only revisits the surgical debacle but also explores fresh developments at her high school events, where her father’s continued absence forces her to set even firmer boundaries.
For those who want to read the previous part: OG post here
‘AITA for telling my dad he chose between me and his fiancé when he prioritized her surgery over mine? [UPDATE]?’
Family dynamics experts consistently highlight the long-term impact of parental neglect on a child’s emotional well-being, especially when that neglect becomes a repeated pattern over years. Dr. Karen Mitchell, a pediatric psychologist specializing in adolescent development, explains, “When a child is repeatedly abandoned during critical moments—be it during major milestones or health crises—it can erode their sense of self-worth and security.”
In this updated case, the daughter’s experience is a textbook example of how unresolved emotional neglect leaves deep scars. Her father’s repeated absence, from missing her scoliosis surgery to skipping significant school events like senior night, has compounded over time, reinforcing a painful narrative of unfulfilled promises.
Dr. Mitchell adds that setting boundaries is not only a healthy response but often a necessary step toward healing. “By establishing clear limits, such as cutting off contact when promises are broken, the child asserts her right to emotional safety,” she notes. This act of boundary-setting serves as a protective mechanism against further disappointment and helps reframe her expectations about familial relationships.
The repeated pattern of her father prioritizing his fiancée’s needs over his daughter’s—despite knowing how critical these moments are for her—can lead to long-lasting issues with trust and intimacy. Research in developmental psychology suggests that children who experience such consistent neglect may struggle with forming secure attachments in future relationships.
Furthermore, experts underscore the importance of clear, compassionate communication during these conflicts. Had her father engaged in honest dialogue about his scheduling conflicts or shown a willingness to compromise, it might have softened the blow.
Instead, his evasive responses and broken promises have deepened the emotional rift. Ultimately, the daughter’s decision to block her father is seen by many as a courageous, albeit painful, assertion of her self-worth and a critical step toward building a healthier, more reliable support system as she matures into adulthood.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Reddit users have had mixed but predominantly supportive responses to the update. Some commenters, channeling their own experiences with unreliable parental figures, applaud her for finally taking a stand and establishing boundaries. Remarks like “Move on with your life without him in it” and “Not having a dad is better than an intermittent dad” echo throughout the thread.
Others advise her to maintain minimal contact—sharing important dates only when necessary—to avoid further disappointment. A few voices question the timing of the update and probe about the current health status of her father’s fiancée, adding nuance to the discussion. Overall, the consensus leans toward validating her feelings and endorsing her decision to protect herself from further emotional harm.
This update not only revisits a painful past but also signals a turning point in the daughter’s journey toward emotional independence. Faced with a father who repeatedly fails to be present when needed most, she has chosen to set firm boundaries—even if it means severing ties entirely.
Her story challenges us to consider the limits of familial obligation and the importance of self-respect in the face of continual neglect. What do you think—should a child continue to wait for a parent who consistently fails to show up, or is setting boundaries the first step toward healing? Share your thoughts and experiences below.
