AITA for telling my coworker to stop trauma-dumping on me during lunch breaks?

In a bustling office, the lunch hour is a precious oasis—a fleeting chance to savor a sandwich and silence amidst the chaos. For a 32-year-old woman, this sacred break was her daily recharge, until a new coworker, Amy, turned it into an emotional unloading zone. Day after day, Amy’s tales of trauma and tears left her drained, prompting a gentle request to keep lunch light. Now, faced with Amy’s hurt feelings and coworkers’ sideways glances, she wonders if she’s the villain in this breakroom saga.

This Reddit story of workplace boundaries and emotional overload strikes a chord with anyone craving a moment’s peace. Her attempt to reclaim her lunch hour raises questions about empathy, entitlement, and the right to personal space. Let’s explore her dilemma, tap into expert wisdom, and see what Reddit’s got cooking on this one.

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‘AITA for telling my coworker to stop trauma-dumping on me during lunch breaks?’

I (32F) work in a pretty fast-paced office, and lunchtime is kind of sacred for me — it's the one hour in the day where I can actually relax, scroll my phone, or just eat in peace. Recently, a new coworker, let’s call her Amy (29F), started sitting with me almost every day during lunch. At first, I didn’t mind. She seemed friendly, a bit quiet, but nice.

But then she started oversharing… a lot. Every time we sit down, she launches into something heavy — childhood trauma, toxic relationships, family drama, even therapy sessions. At first I tried to be supportive, thinking she just needed someone to talk to. But it’s become every single day. I leave lunch feeling drained instead of refreshed.

Last week, after yet another intense session where she cried over a story about her ex, I gently told her that maybe lunchtime isn’t the best space for these kinds of conversations. I said I didn’t want to be rude, but I need that hour to decompress. She got really quiet, then later sent me a message saying she felt rejected and that I lacked empathy.

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Now I’m getting weird looks from a couple of other coworkers she talks to, and I’m wondering if I came off as cold. I do feel bad, but I also feel like it’s not fair to d**p emotional weight on someone every day during a work break.. AITA for telling her to stop trauma-dumping?

Lunch breaks are meant for recharging, not playing unpaid therapist, yet this woman’s coworker turned her sanctuary into a confessional. By politely setting a boundary, she aimed to protect her mental energy, but Amy’s reaction—feeling rejected—suggests a misunderstanding of workplace dynamics. The tension highlights a clash between personal needs and perceived obligations to support others.

Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist and boundaries expert, writes, “Setting boundaries is an act of self-care, not rejection. It’s okay to prioritize your well-being” (Set Boundaries, Find Peace, Nedra Glover Tawwab). This woman’s request aligns with Tawwab’s advice, yet Amy’s response reflects a common challenge: some see boundaries as personal slights. A 2023 study from the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology found that 61% of employees struggle to set workplace boundaries without guilt (APA).

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The broader issue is the growing expectation to absorb colleagues’ emotional burdens, especially in high-stress environments. This woman could reinforce her boundary by suggesting alternative support, like, “I care, but I’m not equipped to help with this—maybe a therapist could?” If tensions persist, discussing it with HR might clarify workplace norms.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit served up a feast of support for this boundary-setting woman, with a side of snark for Amy’s overstepping. From tales of headphone-shielded breaks to HR-backed victories, their comments are a lively mix of solidarity and strategy. Here’s the scoop from the online crowd.

Global-Fact7752 − NTA..people like that drive me crazy.

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GreenEyedPhotographr − NTA. She doesn't know what your life is like (she's probably never asked), probably doesn't care, and she's not respecting your time or your needs.. You sounded polite when you told her lunch isn't the time or place for her conversations. I'd really like to know when it became mandatory to allow people to trauma d**p. I don't recall a memo on it.

Your best response to this situation is to say, 'I'm sorry you feel that way. I have a lot of my own things going on, so I prefer my lunchtime to sit quietly and clear my head. I'm sure you know how therapeutic that can be. Thanks for understanding.' As for anyone giving you looks, they can either step up and take a turn at playing therapist for your coworker, or they can f**k off.

Skyeblue0922 − I taught people at my work place that if I’m on my lunch break - do not talk to me. I sit with headphones on, and I have a sign in front of me that I am on my break and I do not wish to be interrupted.  I had few people trying to talk to me by tapping me in my shoulder but I would just point to my sign and ignore them.

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I had one person reporting me to HR. When I was made to sit down with HR I brought a print out of the legislation explaining break time. When HR started their rant about me being antisocial etc I just gave them the print out with a highlighted area about the breaks.

Then I told them that if they try to make me talk to people or if people keep interrupting my break time I will sue them as they were breaking the law. HR said nothing to that. But the next day there was an email sent out to everyone with the attached legislation (same one I brought with me) and everyone was informed that if people wish NOT TO BE disturbed during their break time everyone must uphold their wish or they will be subjected to disciplinary action.

Your break is yours to take and you can do whatever you want with it. The colleague of yours who clearly thought you were their ‘friend’ got upset with you. In the future learn how to set boundaries straight away. It will save you a lot of time and energy. Some people are energy vampires and will suck it out of you at any given time. . NTA

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Ok_Act6049 − NTA, you should have charged her for being her therapist 😂

Nin-p − NTA. I had a similar experience. This new colleague (F, 30) also seemed very nice and we would sit together during lunch. For me, lunch break is also to decompress, trying to eat quickly and then use the remaining time to go for a walk, listen to a podcast, send a voice message to my friends, etc.

This new colleague started to open up very quickly, and I also started to share myself. But then it became very intense. She does not have a sense of time, so she could be talking for over an hour. I felt trapped as I did not want to be rude and interrupt.

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She later started to text me every time she had anxiety or something, which I understand and have empathy, but also I was not aware, nor asked to be designated as her support person, mind you, I knew her for a month or two. I felt I was taking time from work to give her support and mental labour

Later, she would also talk about other colleagues, behind their backs, and I did not want to be part of this game. So I slowly started to detach myself, even eating at my desk. No, we only exchange a few words. I have nothing against her, but I feel better like this. I also find it important to keep work and professional life separate.

TeaLadyJane − NTA. You set a reasonable boundary. It is also not your responsibility to help her handle this perceived r**ection. If anyone else has an issue, they can be her dumping ground. It's one thing to need to talk to someone once and a while, but it's quite another to constantly trauma d**p.

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ThrowNotGood99 − NTA; massive difference between ‘hey this is a one time issue’ - omg trauma dumper alert and ‘on today’s saga of why my life sucks’ - hey, I appreciate you feeling comfortable with me but I’m not comfortable continuing to be an emotional outlet for you, especially as we only know each other through work and in a work context.

Those other coworkers either do the same with Amy and don’t realise they’re energy vampires or are annoyed you were able to break the social contract of always being ‘open to helping if your mental health is struggling!’ And they couldn’t do it and now can’t as she’ll claim it’s a ‘pile on’ (I know many Amy’s and had to stop myself from becoming one when my life was sucking more than it was ballin)

Ignore her, what can she really say that’ll get you in trouble? ‘Coworker wouldn’t let me upset her with my life stories anymore, she hates that I sit with her at lunch and cry about mg life. Sorry my life is always chaos’. And tbh if they freeze you out for not being an unpaid therapist then move jobs, it’s a toxic environment (fake ‘we care about mental health!’ And positivity work environments are a thing and suck so bad) and you will be mentally healthier yourself

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Lisbei − NTA. maybe the weird looks are looks of envy.

MissMurderpants − NTA. I’d go to your manager or HR and tell them what happened and explain that you are not a trained therapist and learning all this personal info from Amy is very unprofessional and was uninvited.

Worth-Watercress-577 − NTA, she’s an energy vampire and will drain you dry, time to eat somewhere else

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These Reddit bites pack a punch, but do they fully digest the nuances of workplace dynamics? Is Amy an “energy vampire,” or is there more to her story?

This woman’s stand to reclaim her lunch break shines a light on the delicate dance of workplace boundaries. Her polite pushback wasn’t cold—it was a bid for self-preservation in a world that often demands too much. As she navigates coworker tension, her story invites us to reflect on our own limits. How do you guard your personal space at work without burning bridges? Drop your thoughts or tips below—let’s dish on keeping the peace!

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