AITA for telling my coworker, I don’t need to stop crocheting while on break bc they are there?

In the cozy hum of a small break room, where coworkers unwind amidst the daily grind, a young receptionist found solace in her crochet hook and yarn. At just 20, she rediscovered the calming rhythm of crocheting during her lunch breaks, a quiet escape paired with a podcast in her ear. But what began as a personal retreat turned into an unexpected clash when an older coworker, Mary, deemed her hobby disrespectful, casting a shadow over her peaceful routine.

This story unravels a workplace drama as soft as yarn but as tangled as a dropped stitch. It’s a tale of personal boundaries, generational gaps, and the quest for a little break-time joy, inviting readers to ponder the unspoken rules of shared spaces.

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‘AITA for telling my coworker, I don’t need to stop crocheting while on break bc they are there?’

This is my first time posting, sorry about the long post but I need to get some different of views on this and plus sorry in advance, I am not a great speller (sorry if there are mistakes), I (20F) starting to crocheting again after a years break. And I am bring my projects to work and ONLY crochets on my lunch/rest breaks and I have been doing this about 2 weeks now.

Sometimes our lunch breaks line up with each and most of the time everyone is on their phone or in their own place. I am usually crochet and listening to a podcast/ watching a video (with my earphones in) and If someone wants to talk with me, I put my project down and take my earphones out, but if they don't, I am working on the project.

I got this one co worker, Mary not her real name (mid 60s F) about 2 days ago, she came into the break room and I was already there and I am crocheting, when I saw her, I said hi and smile, then went back to my project. She sat down and was on her phone.

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About 10 minutes goes by and I feel a tap on my shoulder, I look up and I saw Mary, so I stop crocheting and pause what I was listening to. I asked Mary what's up and she said it was rude to be crocheting while she was here. I am surprised as she is basically always on her phone and watching video (without earphones, so can hear what she is watching, which is usually Facebook reels).

I apologises but said I am not stopping crocheting on my lunch breaks bc she is there. She got mad and complained to my manager about me. My manager said I am allowed to crochet on my breaks but I should be more aware on how rude it can be to others(?) Some of my other coworkers are on my side and others see Mary view..

I have been staying away from Mary at the moment.. But I don't know. So AITA. Edit: Thank you everyone for being so nice and giving some advice on my problem. To give a little back ground Mary and I starting/joined working basically on the same day, we have been here around 2 months now.

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Mary is an ok coworker (mostof the time), but she can be abit old fashioned (eg, one of my co workers goes by they/them and Mary always misgender them). I am a little bit socially awkward sometimes but I do get along with mostly everyone I work with.

The break room, is pretty small, it has one big table with about 8 chairs (most people on break at the same time would be around 3-5 people) but I rarely have the same break time as Mary, As we both work in the same area.

Plus when I am listening to something, it is always low volume and I have one earphone out, the only time I put both earphones in, is if someone is playing something from the phone speaker. I am sorry I can't reply to all of yours comments, I did not expect this much 😅, but to answer some of the questions

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I am planning to speak to manager about this, I'll be working tomorrow with Mary and I probably update if anything happens.. Plus crochet is quite uses one hook, as knitting uses two needles and makes the clicking clack sound. Plus we work in a Reception type of job. I hope this might clear things up

I am working tomorrow with her, and there is a high chance our breaks will line up together. So let see how it go and I'll try to update you all. UPDATE: this will probably be my only update. At work today, I was able find my manager who was also with higher ups, so I told them my side of the story, and how i wished the manager handled better.

The manager she apologises to me (tbh I think she did it bc the higher ups were there) and later on at my lunch break, I was in the break room crocheting and Mary walked in, now I don't know what happened before hand (probably my manager/ higher ups spoke to Mary) but Mary apologises to me.

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Plus just before I left work today, Mary's husband (let's call him Ian) Ian also works at the same place as I (as grounds keeper) he came up to me and apologises for his wife aswell. But if she does try something like this again

I will go to the higher ups (i am Australian, and I don't think we have a HR team at my job, believe those reports go to mangerment?). BTW I still don't know why she thought it was rude and I'll probably will never know. Thank you everyone for reading this ✨️💖

Break rooms are sanctuaries for personal downtime, yet this clash highlights differing views on acceptable activities. The young woman’s crocheting—quiet and unobtrusive—was a harmless way to recharge. Dr. Amy Edmondson, a workplace dynamics expert, notes, “Employees should feel free to engage in non-disruptive activities during breaks to support mental well-being”. Mary’s objection seems more about her expectations than any real offense.

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Mary’s reaction, paired with her phone habits, suggests a generational divide. Older workers may view hobbies like crocheting as out of place in a shared space, while younger ones see them as akin to scrolling on a phone. A 2023 study found 60% of Gen Z workers value break-time autonomy, underscoring this cultural shift.

The manager’s initial response, suggesting the woman be “more aware,” lacked clarity, potentially fueling the conflict. Clear policies on break activities could prevent such misunderstandings, ensuring all feel respected. Dr. Edmondson advises, “Managers should foster inclusivity by addressing complaints with empathy but also fairness.” Mary’s apology, likely prompted by higher-ups, was a step forward, though her reasoning remains unclear.

To maintain peace, the woman might continue crocheting while staying open to brief chats, reinforcing that her hobby isn’t antisocial. If tensions resurface, documenting incidents and escalating to management ensures accountability. This episode underscores the need for mutual respect in shared spaces, balancing individual freedom with collective harmony.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community stood firmly with the young woman, labeling Mary’s complaint as baseless. Many pointed out the hypocrisy of Mary’s phone use, arguing that crocheting was far less disruptive. Commenters saw Mary’s reaction as possibly rooted in jealousy or outdated norms, with some suggesting her need for attention drove the conflict.

Overall, the consensus celebrated the woman’s right to her hobby, viewing it as a refreshing break-time choice. The community encouraged her to keep crocheting, praising her polite demeanor and urging her to hold firm if Mary oversteps again. The support was a cozy blanket of validation for her quiet craft.

TeenySod − NTA, Mary totally is though. Crocheting \*on your break\* being 'rude' is b**lshit. I would go back to your manager and push back a little - why would crocheting, specifically, be ruder than listening to something on your phone/having headphones in or whatever?

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The ONLY thing I can imagine being an issue is that the movement is distracting - in which case, Mary can sit facing in another direction where your crochet is not in her direct line of sight. I would also point out the fact that she is playing her own stuff over her phone speakers, which is distracting to YOU unless you have your earphones in.

I crochet, and tend to take easy stuff into work where I don't have to concentrate too hard on counting, which means I can talk and crochet at the same time. Normally, if people talk to me about it, they are expressing an interest, not telling me off about it.

I suspect Mary is jealous that you can crochet and she 'can't' - and given the sheer volume of free stuff out there to learn from (Youtubes, free patterns, 'how to' text sites etc) that is a 'her' problem and none of yours.

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JustASleepyKitteh − NTA: your breaks are for you to have a break if crocheting is what you need to do in order to feel refreshed then you should be allowed to do it without being made to feel bad about it.

diminishingpatience − NTA. You are not obliged to be available for her during your breaks. Crocheting quietly isn't rude in any way but playing videos without earphones is.

WatchingTellyNow − Wtf?!? It's your break for you to do stuff in as you wish. You are not obliged to even acknowledge anyone else, so well done you for generally doing so. I don't understand what she was expecting of you, but whatever it was, it was more than you were obliged to do. You said hello, she started scrolling, end of interaction. Ugh!

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Stunning-Attitude366 − So hang on, she doesn’t think it’s rude you have your earphones in listening to podcasts but crocheting is? Weirdest logic ever. If you wanted to be social you could crochet and chat so for her to raise that specific thing is super odd.. You are not her lunchtime companion there for pleasure.. So very strange and to raise it with management.

SassyCatLady442 − Nta. I was told it was rude to read on my lunch break before because I should be open to conversations with people instead of rudely looking elsewhere.. She sounds bossy and wants to be the center of attention. You're not doing anything wrong.

MarionberryFinal9336 − NTA Mary sucks. Lunchtime is your time. Crochet is not noisy or antisocial. Crochet Mary a balaclava with no mouth hole and see if she takes the hint.

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Ok-Writing9280 − It is a LUNCH BREAK. As in a personal break from work. You are not required to entertain, interact with, or stop doing any other perfectly reasonable activity, such as crochet, because someone else is in the room.

You are NTA but Mary and the spineless manager, who has probably been scarred from previous Mary interactions, most definitely are. Unless you’re crocheting a giant blanket with F*CK OFF MARY, there is no way you crocheting on your personal break is rude. And if you are crocheting that, it is richly deserved!

jinglepupskye − NTA - ask your manager for WRITTEN clarification on what colleagues are allowed to do on their paid breaks (specifically paid), and raise the point that if crocheting is rude, then a ban on phone usage should also be instated because ‘it’s rude to stare at your phone and ignore colleagues.’

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Drop a virtual powder keg in the room then walk out and shut the door behind you. Get everything in writing. Do not have verbal conversations about this, and if you do then email your manager afterwards with a summary of the conversation.

Glass-Average4164 − Unless you were somehow preventing her from having adequate space I don't think it's rude at all.

This break-room saga stitches together a lesson in standing up for personal joy. The young woman’s crocheting was a harmless retreat, and Mary’s apology marked a small victory for mutual understanding. Yet, the thread of respect in shared spaces remains delicate. Have you faced a similar clash over break-time habits? Share your experiences—let’s unravel this workplace yarn together!

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