AITA for telling my brother it’s his own fault??

In this post, a 27-year-old man shares his frustration with his younger brother, Jonas (24M), who has long avoided facing the consequences of his actions thanks to their parents’ constant bailouts. Over the years, Jonas has developed a habit of lying, exaggerating his achievements, and even resorting to borrowing money under false pretenses. The breaking point came when his girlfriend, Lisa, confronted him about borrowing money from multiple people and revealed his secret gambling habit.

When Jonas’s deception became too much, the OP told him bluntly that all his problems were his own fault and that Lisa deserved better. Now, with Jonas visibly upset and their mother demanding an apology for his harsh words, the OP questions whether he was justified in his approach.

‘AITA for telling my brother it’s his own fault??’

Family therapist Dr. Emily Carter explains, “When a family member repeatedly avoids accountability, it can be incredibly frustrating for those who have been left to deal with the fallout. While it’s important to support one another, there comes a point when tough love becomes necessary.”

Dr. Carter notes that the OP’s response, though harsh, was an attempt to force Jonas to confront the reality of his actions. “The challenge lies in balancing empathy with accountability. The key is to communicate clearly that continuous irresponsibility will have consequences, but it must be done in a way that encourages growth rather than simply alienating the person.”

She also points out that while the OP’s approach might seem severe, it can sometimes be the catalyst needed for someone to finally take responsibility for their behavior.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users largely support the OP’s decision to confront his brother head-on. Many commenters point out that Jonas has been given free rein for too long and now must face the consequences of his actions. Several responses commend the OP for delivering a much-needed reality check, with remarks like “tough love is sometimes necessary” and “if you never learn from your mistakes, no one will.”

Some users, however, suggest that the message could have been softened to avoid pushing Jonas further away. Nonetheless, the overwhelming consensus is that Jonas’s behavior is his own doing, and if his girlfriend and friends have chosen to walk away, that is something he must own. The community generally agrees that the OP is not the asshole for saying what he did, even if it may have come off as blunt.

 

This situation brings up important questions about accountability, tough love, and family dynamics. Is it ever acceptable to deliver a harsh truth to force someone to change, even if it risks further alienation? How do you balance empathy with the need for accountability when someone repeatedly avoids the consequences of their actions? Have any of you had to confront a family member in a similar way, and if so, how did you handle it?

We invite you to share your experiences and thoughts on whether tough love is a necessary catalyst for change or if there might be a more constructive approach. Let’s discuss how best to support loved ones while still holding them responsible for their actions.