AITA for telling my adult kids and husband to not ask me for another thing? EVER!

In a whirlwind of packed lunches and laundry piles, a 46-year-old mom juggles her blended family’s chaos. As the glue holding four adult kids together, she’s the unsung hero of every holiday—until Mother’s Day looms, and her family’s silence stings like a forgotten birthday card.

Her husband’s absence and the kids’ casual “stop by” plans push her to the edge. This Reddit tale spills the raw frustration of a woman craving appreciation, her outburst a cry for respect in a home that’s taken her for granted.

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‘AITA for telling my adult kids and husband to not ask me for another thing? EVER!’

I (46f) am the mom to two (22f 19m) and bonus mom to two (18m 21f). We are a very active blended family, where I am the primary parent, for all.. Chauffeur, uniform washer, lunch pack, etc. FIL passed away a couple of months ago, and hubby is going to spend Mother’s Day with his mom. Understandably, so no issues there.

Here is where my issue comes in. Hubby did not communicate with ANY of our kids that he was going out of town, so they didnt know to plan anything. They haven’t even asked about the plan. One kid said they were planning on “stopping by”, because no one has said anything to them about a plan.

It is a constant battle for me to be seen, heard, or recognized at ANY holiday. I am the one who plans everything. I’m the one who makes sure their boyfriends/girlfriends have gifts, even at Easter or other small holidays.

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What do I get? An empty stocking for Christmas, a $3 gift (still in the Walmart bag) for my birthday, and packages arriving 4 days late because they “forgot” to order anything. I’m so over it! I do everything for everyone! I work a full time job, go to school full time to get my masters degree, show up to every sporting event, wash all the laundry, cook all the meals.

But I can’t even get ONE day for anyone to actually go out of their way to plan a simple Mother’s Day lunch. They don’t even have to cook. Just take me out somewhere that doesn’t involve a drive-thru.. So, WIBTA is I told ALL of them to not ask me for another thing?

This mom’s eruption wasn’t just about a missed holiday—it was a flare-up of long-simmering burnout. Running a blended family like a one-woman show left her unseen, and her family’s oversight on Mother’s Day was the final straw.

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Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “Burnout occurs when demands exceed resources” . This mom’s endless tasks—cooking, chauffeuring, gift-giving—outstripped her emotional reserves. Her husband’s failure to model appreciation set a tone the kids followed, leaving her feeling like a servant.

This reflects a broader issue: maternal overload. A 2023 Pew Research study found 60% of mothers feel unappreciated for their unseen labor . Her role as stepmom adds complexity, as blended families often struggle with unclear expectations.

To break this cycle, she should delegate tasks and voice her needs clearly. A family meeting could reset dynamics, but she must prioritize self-care—perhaps a solo spa day—to reclaim her worth. Her story urges families to share the load.

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Check out how the community responded:

Reddit rallied behind this mom, their comments a mix of empathy and tough love. They saw her as a martyr stretched thin, with adult kids and a husband leaning too heavily on her efforts. Her outburst was deemed justified, a wake-up call for a family blind to her sacrifices.

Commenters urged her to stop doing chores for grown kids, suggesting she treat herself instead. Many pointed to her husband’s lack of leadership as the root issue, encouraging her to set boundaries. The community’s support was fierce, cheering her to demand the respect she deserves.

calacmack − First, they are all adults and should be managing their own lives so stop doing their chores. Perhaps you should have a conversation with everyone to explain your hurt and frustration. NTA.

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sfrancisch5842 − NTA. Other than to yourself. All these children are legally adults. Let them do their own damn laundry and get. Their own gifts. Take the day and spoil yourself. Go to lunch. Go to a spa. Treat yourself. Don’t break your back to accommodate these entitled children.

Away-Elephant-4323 − Since they’re adults stop doing all their chores for them they are more than capable i am sure to do it on their own, you can even make a day for yourself with your gal pals get nails, hair, done, go out to a cafe.

they can start doing more for themselves you won’t be taking care of them their whole life they’ll need to learn basic skills otherwise they’ll never learn how to function on their own eventually.

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Present-Duck4273 − It sounds like you have held in a lot of resentment for a long time. Those feelings are completely valid. Instead of saying you are going to stop doing anything for everyone, why not calmly talk to your kids and your husband about how you are feeling? Tell them that you feel like they take you for granted.

You love them and do what you can for them, but sometimes it is nice for them to also think ahead to appreciate you as well. When they don’t show their appreciation ever and put so little effort or thought into things for you it makes you not want to do things for them. 

For what it’s worth, I actually think this starts with your husband, not your kids. He has been the example of how to treat you as a mother. They have watched him put little effort for you (he should be the one filling your stocking or helping your kids with ideas to put in it) and they are following his lead.

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Your kids are all adults now, but that’s a lot of years to watch and then you also have let it happen and never voiced that you needed more. Voice that now with all of them, but since this is the first they are hearing about your needs, I would give at least another chance to alter their effort before going down the scorched earth route of never doing anything for them again.

BulbasaurRanch − I’m not grasping why you’re blaming your husband because your kids haven’t planned anything. You made sure to point out they are adults, but somehow he’s at fault because he didn’t coordinate other adults to do something for you? Also your last post, less than a year ago, you were only 40. So somehow you aged 6 years in the last 300 days or this is just bait to rile up the women in this sub.

CosmoKkgirl − One year for Christmas, I was the only one who didn’t get PJs on Christmas Eve and anything nice in my stocking. The following year, I ordered really NICE pajamas and put fun jewelry in my stocking and made a BIG deal about how nice it was that Santa got what I wanted.

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My daughter was cracking up since she was the only one who noticed. This year I’m out of town but asked my son to bring in my mother’s days gifts that were being delivered.. Yes, it’s stinks, but you can either be disappointed/upset or order what you want and treat yourself.

My sister couldn’t find time to call me on my birthday (or any day since) and wonders why we haven’t talked. (I’ve heard that from others) She called twice last year. I’ve given up on that.. Hope yours come around, mine did. Ps…I think the post is fake since the ages don’t line up with the activities/chores, but I DO know the sentiment is valid for many.

Ok-Control2520 − I stopped doing anything for mine a long time ago. There is a reason Mother's Day is before Father's Day. When I get a big fat ZERO on Mother's Day . . . I started completely ignoring Father's Day. Now my husband and kids will occasionally do something for me.

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I figure it's a win when they remember and when they don't, no worries, because I don't go all out for them anymore either. Saves us all a lot of time and money. When we do get it together it's usually lovely, but we don't sweat it anymore when we don't.

redsfromrhone − NTA. Why are you doing all their laundry and housework? Stop it. All of the extras. Stop doing it. These people are adults. Also, stop going out of your way for people that don’t appreciate you.

Allow them to fail. Allow them to ignore Mother’s Day, then send everyone a message stating how hurt you are to be taken for granted and how you’ll now be reciprocating their energy. 

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Wandering_aimlessly9 − YTA. Seriously. They are adults. You’re screwing yourself over. You’re screwing them over. Why are you doing all this crap. They are adults.

MeximasDeximas − YTA have a little self respect. You are a mother, not their slave. When they returned 16, they needed to start doing for themselves. I started washing at 12. Mowed yards for money until I was 16, then I got a job. From here I started buying everything for myself. If I needed something done, I went and did it. I hate to say this, but you raised worthless children.

This Redditor’s story lays bare the toll of unappreciated labor in a blended family. Her bold stand, though heated, was a plea for recognition, echoing the struggles of countless moms. By confronting her family’s neglect, she’s carving a path to self-respect. Have you ever felt invisible in your family role? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack how to balance love with appreciation.

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