AITA for telling family members I won’t respond if they use just my middle name anymore?
Names hold deep personal significance. They represent identity, history, and sometimes even rebellion. But what happens when family members refuse to respect the name you prefer? One Redditor, Sawyer (17F), has been struggling with relatives who dislike her first name, insisting that she should go by her more traditionally feminine middle name instead.
Despite her willingness to compromise by accepting both names together, some family members refuse to acknowledge “Sawyer” at all. Frustrated, she finally put her foot down—telling them she simply won’t respond if they only use her middle name.
‘AITA for telling family members I won’t respond if they use just my middle name anymore?’
According to Dr. Lisa Diamond, a developmental psychologist specializing in identity formation, a person’s name is a crucial part of their self-concept. Being repeatedly called by a name they dislike—especially when it’s done deliberately—can feel like an attack on their autonomy.
“Names are a fundamental part of our identity. When someone insists on calling us something we do not identify with, it can feel invalidating and even dismissive of who we are,” Dr. Diamond explains. “In adolescence, when identity formation is especially important, having agency over your name reinforces self-confidence and independence.”
In Sawyer’s case, her family’s refusal to use her preferred name isn’t just about tradition—it’s about control. Their argument that she is “too girly” for a gender-neutral name suggests a deeper discomfort with breaking gender norms. Instead of respecting her identity, they’re trying to push their own ideals onto her.
Dr. Diamond suggests that the best approach in situations like this is to set firm boundaries—exactly what Sawyer is doing. “If people refuse to respect your chosen name, withdrawing engagement is a reasonable response,” she says. “Respect is a two-way street.”
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Reddit strongly sided with Sawyer, calling out her family for their blatant disrespect. Many users pointed out that names are personal, and no one has the right to rename someone against their wishes. Others shared similar experiences, emphasizing that refusing to acknowledge a person’s chosen name is an act of control, not affection.
Sawyer’s situation highlights an important issue about respect and identity. While family members may have their own opinions about names, ultimately, a person’s preferred name should be honored—no questions asked. What do you think? Have you ever had to fight to be called by the name you prefer? How did you handle it? Let’s discuss in the comments!
