AITA for telling all of my friends to leave after they all came to see me on my birthday?

The air was thick with laughter and chatter as nine friends piled into a cozy apartment to celebrate a 21-year-old’s birthday, their voices bouncing off the walls like a lively summer storm. But for her shy boyfriend, the crowded room felt more like a pressure cooker. Tucked quietly in a corner, he tried to blend in, only to become the target of her friends’ relentless, cutting remarks—calling him “creepy,” “weird,” and worse. Their “jokes” hit like darts, piercing her joy.

Heartbroken, she faced a choice: let the party roll on or stand up for the man she loves. Choosing him, she asked her friends to leave, igniting a firestorm in their group chat. Now, they’re calling her oversensitive, claiming it was all in good fun. This story dives into the clash of loyalty, love, and social cruelty. Was she wrong to shut down her own party? Let’s unravel this birthday bust.

‘AITA for telling all of my friends to leave after they all came to see me on my birthday?’

Last night, some of my friends (all girls and nine of them in total) came to see me (21F) and my bf (21M) on my birthday. It was utter chaos. It's been a while since we have all met, and everyone was laughing and giggling and talking over each other. I was so shocked because my apartment is pretty small, and it was so crowded.

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I was really happy to see everyone, but my bf is really really shy and introverted. He gets very anxious around people, and it was really too much for him. We've only been dating for a year, and my bf doesn't like going out much so very few of my friends have met him.

He silently sat in a corner without disturbing anyone, but my friends were curious about him and started asking him questions. He answered as politely as he could, but they were literally being so loud and obnoxious. I think it became a little too much for him, and he excused himself to go to the bathroom.

My friends then commented stuff like 'Why are you dating him?' 'He's so weird/creepy' 'He looks like a nerd' 'Why doesn't he talk?' etc and I just felt really really sad. He's the sweetest person I know and these remarks really hurt me.

Even when he came back, they didn't stop because like I said there were nine girls and it was just loud and crowded. They didn't even notice him. I told them to stop, and that I love him multiple times but they kept saying stuff like 'Your ex was better' 'You don't look good together'

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'He's average' 'He doesn't suit you' 'He looks like the kind of creepy guy who sends d**k pics to teenagers' etc. My bf just shrugged at me and went to his bedroom. I just felt so heartbroken, and I left my friends to go see my bf. He was in our bedroom and he told me not to worry about it and to just enjoy myself.

In the end, I really couldn't. I truly wasn't in the mood anymore. I honestly wanted to cry because I love him so much, and they were just making assumptions without knowing anything. I went back and kindly asked them to leave. They were shocked but I stood my ground, and they had to leave.

Now they are talking in our group chat that it was rude of me to tell them to leave over something so small. I was picking my one-year bf over my friends, and that I was being too sensitive. They were just looking out for me, joking etc. I just feel so weird and torn inside. I don't know :(. AITA?

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Defending a loved one against cruel remarks is a stand for respect, but it can strain friendships. The birthday girl’s decision to eject her friends after they mocked her introverted boyfriend reflects fierce loyalty, yet their dismissal of her feelings as “oversensitive” shows a lack of accountability. As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, not dismissive humor” (source: Gottman Institute).

The friends’ behavior—publicly shaming the boyfriend—crosses into social bullying, which affects 20% of young adults in social settings, often targeting introverts (source: Journal of Social Psychology). Their “joking” excuse doesn’t erase the harm, especially in her home, where safety should reign. The boyfriend’s quiet withdrawal likely stems from social overload, common among introverts, not disengagement.

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Dr. Gottman advises addressing conflict with calm assertiveness. She could explain to her friends how their words hurt, setting clear boundaries for future interactions. If they double down, reevaluating those friendships may be wise.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit users didn’t hold back, serving up opinions with the heat of a birthday candle. Most cheered her for defending her boyfriend, slamming her friends as shallow bullies, though one questioned if he made any effort.

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[Reddit User] - NTA, who goes to a person's home and directly insults them without realising they're in the wrong?!

LittleVeggie77 - NTA. Your friends are jerks. Whether he was your bf or not gives them no right to pick on, mock, belittle and intimidate anyone, at any time, ever. But especially not in your home.

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TRexIRL - NTA. I echo what everyone else has sad but I will add this: They said you picked your '1-year boyfriend' over them. What does that even mean? That is a significant amount of time. How long do you have to date someone before you're allowed to tell your friends not to be jerks to their face?. They are gaslighting you. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

lollyak16 - ESH. Your friends are dead wrong for insulting your bf and coming over uninvited during a PANDEMIC in a large group. They were insulting someone you love under your roof. The reason why I put ESH is because I don't understand why you are still friends with them. Idk why you are considering that they were correct in this situation.

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Ricoret - NTA. You need better friends. I don’t know a single person who would be this rude and unpleasant to a friend.

amberlynnnnly - NTA. All of your friends are though. And kinda disgusting people..

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batjectivity - ummmm firstly what are NINE people doing gathered in a small apartment in the middle of a pandemic???? they’re assholes for doing THAT in the first place. and your house, your rules, OP. NTA

FormerFruit - NTA. Your 'friends' aren't nice people, you did the right thing and stood up for your boyfriend. They all sound like shallow judgemental snobs.

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weadahbabyeetsaboy - NTA. Good for you for standing up for him! What kind of assholes sit around and trash someone they just met right to their face?

Bart_Oates - NTA, but: I know 'introvert' is a golden blanket to excuse all kinds of behavior on reddit, but did your BF make **any kind of effort at all**? If he literally just sat their like a log, silent in the corner, then that is odd

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and kinda noteworthy behavior (especially if they've never met him at all). They are assholes for being so rude and blunt, and saying all that s**t within earshot of the guy for sure. But I am really curious the extent of his behavior/effort (or lack there of).

These Reddit takes are fiery, but do they capture the full story, or are they just fanning the flames of drama?

This birthday tale is a stark reminder that love sometimes means drawing a hard line. Her friends’ cruel “jokes” didn’t just target her boyfriend—they dimmed her special day. Kicking them out was a bold move, but their gaslighting response shows who the real party poopers are. True friends lift you up, not tear others down. Have you ever had to choose between love and friendship? What would you do in her shoes? Let’s light up the conversation.

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