AITA for telling a girl she needs to pay back the damages to my friend’s things?

The living room buzzed with laughter as friends sprawled across couches, clinking glasses at a lively university get-together. In one corner, Mer’s cherished collectibles—action figures and a rare autograph—stood proudly on shelves, a quiet testament to her passion. But when a crash echoed from inside the house, the mood shifted, plunging the night into a tangle of broken treasures, heated words, and a test of loyalty.

Leslie, a frequent guest, stood at the center of the chaos, her initial denial crumbling into a claim of an “accident.” As Mer downplayed the damage, her roommate stepped in, demanding accountability. Leslie’s refusal to take responsibility sparked a fiery clash, turning a casual night into a battle over fairness and respect. The fallout left everyone picking up the pieces, both literal and emotional, in a story that’s as relatable as it is charged.

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‘AITA for telling a girl she needs to pay back the damages to my friend’s things?’

I(21M) share a place with my best friend Mer(21F). Mer loves collecting stuff, and part of our living room is just her things. It's not a huge part, just a corner with some shelves and a bookcase. We had a get together for some friends at uni at our house friday. At some point, when Leslie (22F) and two friends got up and told me they were going to use the bathroom.

I said okay, and then a few minutes later just hear this noise from inside the house. When I get there, a whole bunch of Mer's stuff is on the ground, Mer is on the ground getting them and the three girls are just standing there. At first Leslie said she didn't do anything but then started saying it was an accident.

Mer said it was fine, most of the things were fine, just two action figures and an autograph were damaged. I was a bit upset because Leslie has been to my house a lot before (we are hooking up) and she knows not to touch Mer's things, and I said that accidents happen, but she really had to pay Mer back for the damage.

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Leslie told me I was insane if I thought that was going to happen and that I was supposed to be on her side. I told her there were no 'sides' and she just needed to do the right thing. Mer intervened and said that there was no way to make up for the autograph since the artist is dead and she would probably only need some glue to repair her figures

and that it was her fault for leaving it on a place she knew people might be. I said that no, it was Leslie's fault, even if she didn't mean to. Leslie got super mad, called me weak and said she was leaving. After that things got awkward and everyone left.

So, now Leslie has been texting me saying that I humiliated her and should be on her side even if she was wrong because we are 'together' (we are not, but ok). Mer has just been laughing at the situation and saying that while she appreciates me defending her, she didn't want to make a scene and it's kind of dumb to be on the side of the person you are not having s** with. AITA?

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A lively party can sour fast when carelessness meets prized possessions. The Redditor’s insistence that Leslie pay for damaging Mer’s collectibles was rooted in fairness—her actions, accidental or not, caused harm in a space she knew well. Leslie’s deflection and demand for loyalty over accountability reveal a clash of values, with the Redditor prioritizing his friend’s loss over their casual relationship.

This incident highlights a broader issue: navigating responsibility in social settings. Leslie’s refusal to own her actions mirrors a common tendency to dodge accountability, especially when personal ties are involved. Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner, in a 2017 article, notes, “Taking responsibility for our actions fosters trust and respect in relationships”. Leslie’s tantrum, rather than an apology, eroded trust, justifying the Redditor’s firm stance.

The dynamics here also touch on jealousy and boundaries in friendships. A 2020 study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 45% of young adults report jealousy in platonic or romantic overlaps . Leslie’s behavior suggests envy toward Mer, possibly fueling her actions. Her expectation of automatic support from the Redditor underscores a misstep in their casual dynamic.

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To move forward, the Redditor could maintain his boundary, distancing from Leslie if she refuses accountability. Supporting Mer, perhaps by helping repair her items, could reinforce their friendship. This story underscores the importance of owning mistakes and respecting others’ spaces, a lesson for any social circle.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s community rallied behind the Redditor, condemning Leslie’s refusal to take responsibility. Many suspected her actions were deliberate, driven by jealousy over his close friendship with Mer, and criticized her expectation of loyalty despite her wrongdoing.

The crowd agreed that fairness trumps personal ties—Leslie’s denial and tantrum only deepened their disapproval. They praised the Redditor for standing by Mer, seeing his call for accountability as a defense of respect and integrity in their shared home.

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Illustrious-Tap5791 − NTA but it is very obvious that Leslie wants a serious relationship with you and is insanely jealous of Mer. I bet it wasn't even an accident.

bdayqueen − NTA - Stop hooking up with Leslie. She damaged Mer's items ON PURPOSE because she's jealous of her living with you.

ScarletNotThatOne − NTA. You're not supposed to be on someone's 'side' because of personal allegiance or s** or anything else. You're supposed to do the right thing, and so is everyone else. I am suspicious of the claim that it was accidental. She had been there plenty of times before.

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The stuff was in a corner, it's not like you're going to trip over it or bump into it by accident on the way to the bathroom (if I'm wrong and misunderstanding, please correct me). Unless you're drunk and randomly bumping into things, which is also not an accident, assuming you got yourself drunk.

Also at first she denied that she did anything -- sus. So I am going on the assumption that Leslie is fully culpable. I think you were right to make a scene and to expect Leslie to fix/pay for what she broke. And since she is refusing, I'd say that this is not a person I'd want to be associated with.

igwbuffalo − No, Leslie broke something of another person's in their home. 100% of repair or replacement cost is on her. Full stop.

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Aggravating_Fee2060 − Leslie seems to think her vagina has magical powers…like making her unaccountable for her actions.🤭 don’t sleep with her anymore she’s toxic and probably did what she did on purpose. Power play failed.

Ornamental-Plague − No but you did something society doesn't like. You called someone out telling them to do the right thing. Mer was afraid to do that, and has been taught to not to make a fuss. That can be a good skill but sometimes it gets you walked over.

A torn autograph and expensive figures is not nothing, and you knew that. I am all for taking your SO or whoever you are with's side on some things. But only if they do the right thing when it matters.

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But what is really concerning is how they are acting at being called out. Instead of saying you really embarrassed me and I'll pay it back. They tantrumed, gas lit you, told you you were failing for holding them accountable. <- That is a manipulative response. That is more dangerous than them being inconsiderate.

legendoflisa − Ngl sounds like she likes you and feels weird you live with a girl, broke her stuff to see if you’d defend her. I wanna say ESH because you didn’t HAVE to defend Mer if she didn’t want to, however, I know people who will NOT stand up for themselves.

If I was in this situation with my friend “Val”, she’d say it was fine because she’s a people pleaser. But I know this about her and can vibe out if something is really an issue or not.

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Trishshirt5678 − Just think, op, this is what Leslie is like when she's trying to impress you, showing you her best de. Imagine what she'll be like when she can relax, allow her bad side to show itself. She's awful and Mer, while sounding lovely, is wrong. Don't waste time with this awful woman. (And yes, she owes to fix the damage she caused.). Edited to add NTA

ThatWhichLurks782 − NTA she definitely did it on purpose because she is jealous of Mer for some reason, probably just because that is your friend that lives with you.

TyrannasaurusRecked − NTA, but you might think about buying Mer a replacement for her action figure as a thank you for revealing what a shallow person Leslie is.

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This tale of shattered collectibles and bruised egos captures a classic clash of accountability and loyalty. The Redditor’s stand for fairness, even at the cost of his connection with Leslie, shines as a bold move to protect his friend’s passion. Yet, Leslie’s defiance leaves a lingering question about trust in casual ties.

Ever had a friend dodge responsibility for a mess they made? Share your stories below—let’s dive into this messy mix of friendship, fairness, and party fouls!

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