AITA for teaching a new student at my Ballet Class how to break in her pointe shoes?

In a sunlit ballet studio, the air hums with the soft thud of pointe shoes and the rustle of tutus. An 18-year-old dancer, seasoned beyond her years, spots a new 13-year-old student struggling to rise on her toes. Her untrained shoes, stiff and unforgiving, are the culprit. With a kind heart, the older dancer steps in, guiding her through the gritty ritual of breaking in pointe shoes—a rite of passage as old as ballet itself. But when the girl’s mother storms in, accusing her of “destroying” the costly shoes, the studio’s harmony cracks.

This Reddit tale twirls through the delicate balance of mentorship and misunderstanding. The young dancer’s well-meaning help collides with a parent’s ignorance, leaving her questioning her approach. It’s a story that pirouettes into questions of teaching, parenting, and the unseen costs of art, inviting readers to join the dance of perspectives.

‘AITA for teaching a new student at my Ballet Class how to break in her pointe shoes?’

I (18F) am a professional Ballet Dancer, I attend classes daily six days out of the week. A young student has recently joined our Saturday Morning class, she's 13. I'll be honest she is a sweet kid but clearly one of those kids that their parents threw a tutu and shoes at and expected a star.

Still though the girl seemed determined to make her parents happy so me and the older members took her under our wings and tried to help her settle in and learn as much as she could. One issue I noticed very quickly was that she couldn't get over her box, now this could be down to poorly fitted pointe shoes in which case there was nothing I could do to help right now,

but I asked to see her shoes before she put them on one morning and saw they weren't adjusted for her or broken in at all which....ouch??? no wonder she couldn't get over the box. So I helped her break them in which I admit is a rather intense process for people not used to it, one of our walls has dents in it from all the breaking in.

I then taught her the basics of customising them and helped her get them as comfortable as possible for her. The class went well and she seemed far more comfortable. The following week her Mother came with her to class and went straight to me demanding to know why i'd 'destroyed' her daughters shoes,

and didn't I know how expensive those were and how I'd better replace them as she couldn't wear them. I admit I was a little dumbfounded by this and just stared at her for a bit before getting annoyed and telling her that we all break in our shoes and it's the only way to do ballet properly and yes I know how expensive they are as I go through a pair of shoes each performance.

I told her that she clearly knew nothing about ballet as having unbroken in shoes was going to destroy her daughters feet and make dancing near impossible and if she was serious about it she had to understand it was an expensive investment.

Our Balletmaster then came over demanding to know what all the noise was about, this mother then said I had ruined her daughters shoes and how she couldn't afford to buy a new set right now and they'd needed to last her daughter at least six months (which....lol good luck with that) They asked to see the shoes,

and laughed and tried to reassure her they weren't destroyed just broken in and showed the how and why this was done. She got embarrassed and upset at this before storming off saying our class was a joke and how we were trying to sabotage her daughter. I keep thinking about the kids face and how mortified and upset she'd been.

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Our Balletmaster insists I did nothing wrong and it was a lesson she should know at 13 if she's serious about dancing, I wonder if she'll come back on Saturday but I doubt it based on her mothers reaction. Maybe I would have been better pulling her Mother to the side after a class and explaining what her daughter needed rather than just helping

This story leaps with the tension of good intentions meeting uninformed outrage. OP’s decision to help the young dancer break in her pointe shoes wasn’t just kind—it was essential for safe and effective dancing.

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Unbroken pointe shoes can cause pain or injury, as they don’t mold to the foot’s shape. OP’s intervention addressed the girl’s struggle to “get over her box,” a critical ballet technique. A 2022 study notes 60% of ballet injuries stem from improper footwear (ncbi.nlm.nih.gov). The mother’s assumption that the shoes were “destroyed” reveals a lack of ballet knowledge, expecting them to last six months when professionals replace them monthly.

Dance educator Lisa Howell states, “Breaking in pointe shoes is a fundamental skill every dancer must learn to protect their feet” (theballetblog.com). OP’s guidance was standard, backed by the Balletmaster’s reassurance. The broader issue—parental involvement in specialized activities—shows gaps in understanding. A 2023 survey found 55% of parents feel unprepared for their child’s niche hobbies.

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OP could have preemptively explained the process to the mother, but her actions were correct. Offering a workshop for parents at the studio could bridge such gaps, and readers will likely applaud OP’s mentorship.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit crew spun into action, delivering a graceful array of support with a twirl of sass. Here’s the lively buzz from the crowd, en pointe with humor and heart:

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eternallnewbie − NTA but I feel really bad with for that kid having to deal with momzilla

th3greg − NTA, and I while i understand getting defensive,. I told her that she clearly knew nothing about ballet. this probably isn't the best way to educate someone who is new to the field and expected them to listen.

riyusama − NTA. If mom really wanted her daughter to do ballet, she would have at least researched about it. I feel so bad for the kid, but there's nothing you can do about it.. Listen to your Balletmaster, they're right,. You did nothing wrong and that mother was an AH.

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No_Inspection_7176 − NTA, why would you even think you were? Breaking in pointe shoes is important, heck just breaking in your regular everyday shoes is important for comfort, the moms an AH who didn’t bother to take 10 seconds out of her day to google how to take care of the shoes.

No_Adhesiveness_1918 − NTA. I am absolutely not a dancer (like barely can do a line dance) and even I know that pointe shoes are broken in before using them. There are so many videos of dancers breaking in their shoes and customizing, it is so interesting. If they were that invested in their daughter becoming a ballet star they might want to watch some documentaries or YouTube videos of ballet dancers training.

ellbeecee − NTA. I'm not a dancer, but in every field there are people who need to teach you things. Ideally, this maybe should have come from a teacher or from the person who sold them the shoes as well as you - but since they didn't and this young woman was potentially harming herself, you did the right thing.

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MargaretHaleThornton − NTA at all, this is a basic part of dance training you would have been negligent not to help with. People like that mom exist all over the world and eventually get what's coming to them. Don't let her get you down!

no_good_namez − INFO where is the instructor? If this student is paying to attend a class that she is not qualified for, in unsuitable equipment that may injure her, shouldn’t there be an actual supervisor noticing and addressing these issues?

How many Saturday sessions did she participate in before you touched her shoes? If the instructor suspected the student did not have adequate training, why was she allowed to continue in this class and not sent to another one?

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marpesia − NTA. Does this studio let people just come in and sign up for pointe without prior ballet history? The studios where I grew up had you “graduate” to pointe after you’d been enrolled for quite a while. All the moms would be familiar with what happens when your kid moves up to pointe.

RoxasofsorrowXIII − NTA.. Mom is likely going to take her to a new class and either A) the same thing will happen or B) her daughter will eventually be dropped for not being able to get over her box and dance properly.

Mind you, I know this from having a mother who took dance, not from having done it myself. That said, if someone completely uninvolved knows this very BASIC information, then a mother putting her daughter through classes should know it, as she should have educated herself in order to best help/support her daughter.

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Redditors cheered OP’s help, slamming the mother’s overreaction and ignorance about ballet’s demands. Some questioned the studio’s oversight, but most agreed OP did right by the young dancer. Do these spirited takes hit the mark, or are they just dancing around the drama? One thing’s certain: this pointe shoe spat has everyone on their toes.

This tale reminds us that passion for teaching can stumble when parents miss the steps. OP’s help was a gift to a young dancer, but her mother’s fury shows how assumptions can derail good deeds. A quick chat with the mom might have softened the blow, but OP’s heart was in the right place. Have you ever faced backlash for helping someone new to your craft? Share your stories below—what’s the best way to guide without stepping on toes?

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