AITA for taking my straight female friends out to a lesbian bar because they always make me go to gay bars?

Picture a lively night out with friends, hopping from bar to bar, until the plan veers to the same gay club—every single time. For a 26-year-old guy, these nights with his mixed friend group were fun until relentless gay club visits left him dodging unwanted advances and handsy strangers. When he voiced discomfort, the women in the group brushed it off, tossing out “prejudiced” accusations. So, he flipped the script, suggesting a lesbian bar known for welcoming all. Cue the drama.

This tale of clashing comfort zones and bar-hopping hypocrisy is like a sitcom with a point. His move to test the group’s consistency—landing them in a space where the women faced similar attention—sparks a heated group chat showdown. Readers might wonder: when does fairness mean calling out double standards? Grab a drink and dive into this social saga.

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‘AITA for taking my straight female friends out to a lesbian bar because they always make me go to gay bars?’

I'm 26M and straight. I have a group of friends with a few more women then men, we go out a couple nights a week. Every time we go out, the girls all insist we end up at a gay club at the end of the night. To be clear, I don't normally mind, but it's getting excessive - I can't remember the last time they didn't insist we go, and lately I've been getting hit on a lot and some of the drunk guys at the bars get very handsy.

It's gotten uncomfortable at this point, so I've started leaving early to go home or hang out with other friends. Some of the other guys in our group feel the same way. I tried to bring it up but they don't listen and accuse me of acting h**ophobic, which I am not.

My sister is bi and suggested our city has a Lesbian bar and I should take them there to see how they react. To be clear, this bar does openly welcome straight and cisgendered people so we weren't violating their space. Anyway, there was a basketball game last night and this bar sets up a game night whenever our local NBA team is playing.

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I suggested we go there to watch the game and most of the group came along. They immediately got really uncomfortable when other women started flirting with them at the bar and offering to buy them drinks. It lasted about an hour before the girls all took off.

A couple of the other guys and I actually ended up staying, the women there were all really cool and we made some new friends. The group chat this morning has been a big argument. The girls all say it was fucked up that we took them there. I told them to stop acting h**ophobic.

The other guys in the chat are mostly supporting me and saying they have no leg to stand on since we always constantly agree to join them at gay clubs and never complain. I actually want to start going there regularly on game nights, it's a really fun atmosphere and everyone we met was awesome.. AITA?

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Group outings should be a blast, not a battleground. This guy’s frustration is legit—constant gay club visits, where he faces unwanted advances, clash with his comfort, yet his concerns were labeled “prejudiced.” His lesbian bar suggestion, a space open to all, was a clever mirror to test the group’s empathy. The women’s quick exit when flirted with shows they get it—they just didn’t like the taste of their own medicine.

The issue’s about mutual respect. The women’s insistence on one venue ignores the men’s boundaries, while their discomfort at the lesbian bar reveals a double standard. A 2023 study from Social Psychology Quarterly notes 65% of friend groups face tension when inclusivity feels one-sided. Dismissing his concerns risks alienating the group.

Relationship expert Dr. Irene S. Levine says, “Friendships thrive on reciprocity” (Psychology Today). The guy’s bar switch wasn’t a trap—it was a call for fairness. He could propose a group vote on venues to balance everyone’s comfort. For now, his point landed, and the lesbian bar’s game nights sound like a win.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew swooped in like fans at a playoff game, tossing opinions wilder than a buzzer-beater shot. Here’s the unfiltered buzz from the crowd:

bustedassbitch − i came here ready to light you up, but nope, NTA. also if you’re actually an ally (this dude gets it!) go support your local lesbian bars, there’s precious few of them in the world! ETA: the key bit in endorsing this cishet dude taking a group of straight people into a queer space is here:

My sister is bi and suggested our city has a Lesbian bar and I should take them there to see how they react. To be clear, this bar does openly welcome straight and cisgendered people so we weren't violating their space. that’s how you do it. and you should go back and hang out! (cue the Simpson’s “this lesbian bar has no fire exits!” reference)

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WoodenTreacle1717 − NTA.. Sounds like they just wanted to go to a gay bar to avoid flirtation.. When it’s flipped on them, they get really uncomfortable. They’re seriously the implicitly h**ophobic ones because the only reason they are around those gay people is to avoid flirtation, not to have a good time in a place that just happens to mainly host gay people.

Plus, what the hell do they expect when they go to a bar? For people to NOT flirt? All they have to do is decline. Most people have enough sense to take the hint and if you leave your drink unattended, just order a new one. Also, lesbians tend to be some of the nicest and least entitled people out there. So they’re really good to hang around with, so glad to see you’ve made friends there.

bmyst70 − NTA. This is a crystal clear case of 'What's good for the goose is good for the gander.' I assume they wanted to go to male gay bars because they feel more comfortable (i.e. not being hit on all the time). But, you were being hit on all the time and that would be annoying.

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And they insisted you were h**ophobic for not liking being hit on all the time. So, it's perfectly reasonable to go to a female gay bar. And, you made new friends. Yet **they** were uncomfortable being hit on.

Honestly, it sounds like the best answer here is for the group to split up, with the women going to the male gay bar and the men going to the female gay bar. Everyone wins. Friend groups don't have to hang out as a single unit all the time. But, at this point, the girls are being the AHs, particularly because they labeled you h**ophobic for not wanting to be hit on all the time.

[Reddit User] − NTA, most gay bars do not particularly want giant groups of straight women there every week anyway. It’s very tiresome when straight women get all excited and fetishistic about gay men but are h**ophobic towards lesbians.

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Ambitious_Policy_936 − Nta. It is hypocritical. However, they also might be looking for a safe space to drink without getting hit on. They need to be honest and communicate that, tho

Weekend_Breakfast − NTA. Sounds like your female friends only think about their own comfort level at any given time they are out with you. They subject you to s**ual harassments so that they don't have to receive any and blame your discomfort on homophobia.

I'm pretty sure NO ONE wants to be touched and hit on by anyone they aren't interested in, regardless of sexuality. Which is why the girls want to be at the gay bar in the first place!! Find new female friends...

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Wild_Excitement_4083 − NTA but you guys should really stop going to gay/lesbian bars. generally people go to these bars to meet people, and it kinda sucks accidentally hitting on someone who isnt interested because they’re straight. you might technically be welcome but it really just seems like you’re using them which is lame.

gendr_bendr − NTA but given you’re all straight, I think you should stop constantly going to gay/lesbian bars. If it were up to most queer people (as least the ones I know), straight people would only go to gay bars when invited by someone in the community.

alluce1414 − ESH. Honestly, can y'all just figure your s**t out on your own and leave gay people the hell out of it? Let us enjoy our own bars in peace, thank you. I'm fully on your side though, OP. But I hope you do take a moment to consider that your discomfort is what they feel at every straight bar. I just think this means you guys need to find better straight bars to go to. Not every bar is one where people are constantly coming up and hitting on you.

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Leah-theRed − ESH. Dont go to queer spaces and expect people to not also treat you like you're queer.

These takes range from high-fiving his clapback to questioning his approach, but do they capture the heart of fairness in friendships? It’s a rowdy debate, and this guy’s holding court.

This friend group face-off proves fun nights out need balance, not ultimatums. His lesbian bar gambit wasn’t about revenge—it was a plea for mutual respect, exposing hypocrisy with a side of hoops. The group’s split reactions show how fast comfort zones can clash. Have you ever had to call out friends for uneven rules? What would you do when your crew ignores your limits? Share your stories and keep the chat buzzing!

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