AITA for Standing Up to MIL by Canceling Easter?

Easter should bring family together, but for a woman caught in her mother-in-law Susan’s web of hostility, it’s a breaking point. Susan’s callous treatment of her sister-in-law Megan—ignoring her after her parents’ deaths and whisking her kids from school without a word—has pushed the woman to consider canceling Easter at Susan’s. Megan’s grief, compounded by Susan’s indifference, demands action, but her husband urges neutrality. The woman’s resolve to stand up for Megan stirs tension in a family already fractured by Susan’s antics.

This isn’t just about a holiday; it’s a clash of loyalty, grief, and accountability. The woman’s impulse to boycott Susan’s Easter resonates with anyone who’s faced a family bully. Readers may feel her righteous anger, questioning whether canceling a tradition is the right way to draw a line.

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‘AITA for Standing Up to MIL by Canceling Easter?’

My MIL (Susan) and my SIL (Megan, my husband’s brother’s wife) do not get along. Apparently they used to but at some point after having kids, things got strained between them and they’ve had a negative relationship for years.

After a year long battle with b**ast cancer, Megan’s mom passed away a few months ago. Unexpectedly, her father passed away in the same weekend. It’s been a really hard time for Megan and my BIL and my husband and I have offered to help in anyway we can.

Susan was snow birding (vacationing down south during the winter) when the deaths occurred. Even though shes known Megan’s parents for 15+ years, she didn’t come back for the funerals and sent a condolence card a month after the funerals took place.

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She never called Megan directly, only spoke to my BIL about anything going on and passed messages through him. Other borderline shady things have happened since the funerals but this is the straw that’s breaking the camels back. Yesterday was grandparents day at my nephews school.

They both had expressed they weren’t sure if they even wanted to go to school but since Susan signed up to go, the kids decided they would go to. Megan is a teacher at this school, which is small. Susan didn’t say a word to her the entire day.

Megan went to my nephews classroom to check on him and found out Susan had taken both kids home with her thirty minutes prior without saying a word to Megan. Susan taking them was planned but having to find out from your coworker that your children are gone is not something you expect.

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Megan texted Susan to ask what happened and Susan said Megan was talking to someone else and she didn’t want to bother her so they left. Megan pushed back saying Susan never came over to her classroom and she shouldn’t be taking the kids without telling her.

Susan then claimed she was doing Megan a favor so she shouldn’t be upset. My husband and I are furious with Susan. Not only is she normally annoying with her animosity towards Megan but her parents JUST DIED and this was a tough day, a day her parents would normally have been at the school to see their grandkids.

We are supposed to go to Susan’s for Easter tomorrow but I want to cancel. My husband doesn’t think we should get in the middle of it but I’m of the mindset that someone needs to stand up for Megan and put Susan in her place.

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I truly don’t think she’s going to stop treating Megan poorly until she starts facing some consequences to her actions. There are so many more details I could d**p into this to show how crazy Susan is towards Megan but I don’t want to make this any longer than it is. So am i the a**hole if i cancel Easter and stand up for Megan?

One more story: At Christmas, Susan made two lasagnas for dinner, one for Megan’s house, who hosted, and one for the rest of us to eat at Susan’s house. She made us all leave Megan’s at 2pm and go to her house without Megan/BIL/kids so she could have her own Christmas.

Susan’s actions—bypassing Megan during her parents’ funerals, taking her kids without notice—aren’t just rude; they’re deliberately exclusionary, weaponizing Megan’s grief. The woman’s instinct to cancel Easter aims to impose consequences, but her husband’s reluctance highlights a common family dynamic: avoiding conflict to preserve “peace.” Susan’s history, like splitting Christmas to isolate Megan, suggests a pattern of control, likely rooted in jealousy or emotional immaturity.

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Toxic in-law behavior strains 1 in 4 family relationships, often requiring clear boundaries to disrupt cycles (Journal of Family Psychology). Dr. Lindsay Gibson, author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, notes, “Emotionally immature people thrive on control; consequences like exclusion can force accountability, but only with unified action” (Beacon Press). Susan’s refusal to engage directly with Megan post-loss signals a lack of empathy, escalating tensions.

The woman should coordinate with Megan before acting, ensuring her support aligns with Megan’s needs, as Redditors suggested. A direct, private confrontation with Susan—stating that her behavior risks family ties—paired with skipping Easter, could jolt her. If Susan doubles down, hosting future holidays with Megan’s family, excluding Susan, reinforces the boundary. Couples therapy for the woman and her husband can align their approach, preventing Susan from exploiting their divide. Documenting incidents, like the school pickup, strengthens Megan’s case if legal steps arise.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community jumped in like a family council, rallying behind the woman’s stand while urging strategic action. It was a blend of support for Megan and calls to rethink the Easter plan, with users sharing tales of toxic in-laws. Here’s their candid feedback:

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RaineMist − Just celebrate Easter at your house without your MIL and have Megan and BIL bring the kids over.

Maleficent-Pause4761 − As one who has been the Megan of your story, NTA if you take action to stand up for the Megan in your life. I wish someone in my family had done so for me (besides my husband). “Staying civil” with Susan makes you a silent bystander who is allowing someone you care about to be mistreated.

It is essential to take action in a way that makes it clear that Susan is being excluded due to her behavior, and that she will not be included until she changes her behavior. Through text is good because you have written documentation of exactly what was said.

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I second what others have said: definitely still celebrate with your own family (hubs + kids) and bring BIL + Megan + kids over and have a lovely celebration together. Also, your MIL sounds very emotionally immature. All adults involved may benefit from books like “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” (available through your local library, most likely!).

It especially may open your husband’s eyes as to why this behavior is highly inappropriate and very hurtful. Everyone else will probably find a lot of comfort and support in that book. Best of luck to you all.

Taylagator − For clarification: Megan, my BIL and the kids will not be at Easter, they are going to her cousins house. It will just me, my husband, Susan and two of her neighbors at Easter therefore no children’s holidays would be ruined and no one would miss out on anything.

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MaryJane185 − It seems like the perfect chance to stand up for Megan has already passed. At Christmas, why didn’t you refuse to leave Megan’s house?

SlappySlapsticker − I truly don’t think she’s going to stop treating Megan poorly until she starts facing some consequences to her actions. Honest questions - is Susan going to see this as enough of a consequence to change? And if this one action doesn't elicit change, where would it end; especially since your husband doesn't sound on board with the plan?

Linkcott18 − Ask Megan, not Reddit.. ESH.

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RazzBeryllium − ESH.. This kind of feels like a passive aggressive and empty gesture at this point. Instead, I agree with everyone saying you should reach out to Megan and ask her what kind of support she needs and wants.

Maybe she doesn't want you interfering. Maybe she thinks skipping Easter at your MIL's house is will cause more problems than it solves.. Or maybe she'd be really grateful and would like to organize something between your two families.

At Christmas, Susan made two lasagnas for dinner, one for Megan’s house, who hosted, and one for the rest of us to eat at Susan’s house. She made us all leave Megan’s at 2pm and go to her house without Megan/BIL/kids so she could have her own Christmas.. This would have been the time to take a meaningful stand, BTW.

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k23_k23 − ' She made us all leave Megan’s at 2pm ' .. B**lshit. YOU DECIDED to leave megan's - so why blame susan? YOu are just like her.

ToasterUnplugged − I wouldn’t cancel Easter because the kids are probably looking forward to it, and they’re too innocent to be involved in or understand the family drama. But, do take a moment with your husband to take Susan aside, probably after Easter,

and let her know that the way she’s treating Megan is not cool and that she needs to treat her better if she wants to continue being a part of future family functions. And, before Easter, let Megan know you stand beside her. If your MIL behaves nastily at Easter, call it out, unless it’s in front of the kids, in which case take her aside before sharing your mind.

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In short, don’t cancel Easter, but be direct with your MIL, and keep the kids blissfully unaware of what’s going on. EDIT: Seeing your edit on how Megan and the kids aren’t going to be at your Easter anyways, I fully give you permission to say “f**k it” and choose whatever you want to do for Easter, with or without your MIL.

Tracie-loves-Paris − NTA. Boy, wouldn’t it be awful if you woke up with a migraine tomorrow morning?

Redditors cheered the woman’s loyalty to Megan but split on canceling Easter, some favoring direct confrontation or alternative celebrations. Their advice sharpens the stakes, but does it fully map the family’s next steps, or just fuel the drama? One thing’s clear: Susan’s behavior has sparked a call for justice.

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The woman’s plan to cancel Easter is a bold stand against Susan’s cruelty, but it’s a single move in a larger battle for family harmony. Supporting Megan while navigating her husband’s hesitation requires finesse—confrontation, boundaries, and maybe new traditions. Toxic behavior thrives in silence, and her choice could reshape their family’s future. Have you ever had to confront a family member’s harmful actions? How did you balance loyalty and peace? Share your thoughts below.

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