AITA for sitting back and doing nothing when mom told my wife that she’d take us to court for grandparents right?

In a cozy suburban home, the air grew thick with tension as a family dinner turned into a battlefield of words. Liz, a career-driven mom, and her husband faced a storm when their decision to move cities sparked a fiery clash with his mother, a devoted grandmother. Her threat to drag them to court for grandparents’ rights left everyone reeling, with emotions running high. The husband’s choice to stay silent as insults flew has Reddit buzzing with opinions, and it’s easy to see why.

This tale of family loyalty and boundaries tugs at the heart, raising questions about whose side to take when love and control collide. Readers can’t help but wonder: how far should family ties stretch before they snap?

 

‘AITA for sitting back and doing nothing when mom told my wife that she’d take us to court for grandparents right?’

This situation is a bit of a mess. I'll just mention the relevent conflict at hand.  So My wife Liz and I have been married for 7 years. we have preschool age kids, and because we currently live in the same city as my parents. Mom would take the kids while my wife and I work.

Liz is the one with a much larger income, she got an even better job opportunity that is requiring us to move to another city. I agreed since I could easily find a job in my field in the city we're moving to. but after my family heard we were selling the house to move, hell broke loose.

Sunday, mom and Liz got into a huge fight because Liz told mom we'll move away and hire a babysitter for the kids so she's no longer 'needed'. mom said she doesn't want her grandkids moving away, even said we should let the kids live at her house while we move.

Liz laughed at her and mom lost it basically saying that Liz was an ungrateful witch and that her grandkids moving will only happen over her dead body. they began exchanging harsher words and Liz snapped and told mom to b**t out of private matters that don't concern her.

and said that she had no right to decide things regarding the kids. Mom firmly told her she was dead wrong and proceeded to tell her that she, as an involved grandmother, knows her rights and she will be taking Liz and me to court to ensure she still gets to see her grankids.

Liz was in shock, she looked to the left and saw me sitting there not saying or doing anything. She told me to check my mom but I told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren - I honestly told Liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom's feelings and her crucial presence in the kids life first.

Liz started arguing with me saying she couldn't believe I didn't stand behind her and defend her after hearing mom saying she'd get the court involved. I said mom was upset and can not be blamed for her reaction.

ADVERTISEMENT

Liz started yelling at me calling me unsupportive and an enabler then went home with the kids, insisting my family is MY problem and I should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea.  Situation hasn't been resolved and Liz and mom are getting more intense in their fights.

I choose to stay out of it because both have valid arguments but Liz has called me awful for not siding with her after seeing how mom spoke to her and being okay with the fact that mom was willing to cause us issues in court.  AITA? I get that Liz wants my support but I feel like mom has been punished through no fault of her own after being a loving grandmother to my kids.

ADVERTISEMENT

Tom’s silence during his mom’s court threat is a marital fumble, leaving Liz to fend for herself against a brazen overreach. His mom’s reaction—demanding the kids stay with her—crosses boundaries, as grandparents’ rights laws rarely support such extreme claims. A 2021 study by the American Bar Association found only 5% of grandparents’ rights cases succeed without evidence of parental unfitness (ABA). Liz’s push for independence via the move is practical, while Mom’s legal threat seems more about control than love.

Dr. John Gottman, a marriage expert, notes, “Partners who don’t stand together against external pressures risk eroding trust” (Gottman Institute). Tom’s neutrality, siding partly with his mom’s “feelings,” dismisses Liz’s need for support, especially after such a vicious exchange. Mom’s insults and threats are indefensible, yet Tom’s passivity fuels the fire. Liz’s anger at his inaction is valid—she’s not just fighting Mom, but his betrayal too.

ADVERTISEMENT

This reflects broader issues of marital unity and in-law boundaries, where failing to prioritize a spouse can fracture relationships. Tom’s refusal to intervene risks alienating Liz, potentially leading to deeper marital strife. Dr. Gottman advises couples to present a united front, addressing family conflicts together. Tom should firmly tell his mom that legal threats are unacceptable, backing Liz fully. Couples therapy could help them rebuild trust.

For solutions, Tom needs to apologize to Liz and set clear boundaries with his mom, emphasizing that decisions about their kids are theirs alone. Liz could consider a calm discussion with Mom, post-move, to maintain a limited grandparent relationship via visits or video calls

ADVERTISEMENT

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of shade and support for Liz’s plight. The community tore into the OP’s inaction, with some choice words that hit like a family reunion gone wrong. Here’s what they had to say:

caz__z − YTA. Your mom threatened to **take your family to court so she can get custody of the kids** (she wants them to *live* with her). That is a disproportionate reaction to being told that someone is *moving*.

Are you okay with moving to a new city? Sounds like you are. Why would you ever let anyone threaten your wife with court for doing something incredibly beneficial for your family? Why would you let someone **threaten** you instead of offering to get on a plane to see you?

ADVERTISEMENT

crockofpot − insisting my family is MY problem and I should handle it although this whole moving thing was her idea.  It may have been her idea, but you agreed to it. If you had an issue with moving, you should have had that conversation with your wife.

Agreeing with it to your wife's face and then letting your mom do the dirty work of fighting her about it is cowardly and passive aggressive. The fact that you are continuing to sit there like a bump on a log while your relatives harass your wife is failing hardcore as a spouse.. Get your mother out of your marriage or you won't *have* a marriage.. YTA.

Fastr77 − LOL you're spineless, and YTA. Thats your family and kids, your mother doesnt get to decide and at no point does being upset allow you to be unhinged like your mom.. Absolutely pathetic behavior.

ADVERTISEMENT

AugustBabyLEO − YTA. YTA. YTA.. Are you effing serious!!!!. * OP said:  * **told her she was being unfair to mom and that mom had to feel upset because she will no longer be able to see her grandchildren - I honestly told Liz that she was a bit selfish to not consider my mom's feelings and her crucial presence in the kids life first**.YOU ARE THE BIGGEST A**HOLE FOR THIS.

**HOW do you stand back and NOT support YOUR wife.** You ARE placing ALL OF THE BLAME ON YOUR WIFE.  Look at how easily your mother went disrespectful to your wife. *Grandma can jump her ass on a plane or use the all of these APPSs such as FACETIME/ZOOM/ SKYPE/ WHATSAPP/TEXT/DUO etc etc etc to see her precious grandchildren*.

* **Your Mother can not dictate what you and your wife do in your lives**. Your Mom does not financially provide for your children. She is involved in Babysitting and being a grandmother.  I hope when your wife finishes with your mother in court, she goes straight to divorce court and leaves your sorry self with your 'MOMMY'. Dude you are such the A**HOLE.

ADVERTISEMENT

mzfnk4 − YTA. You married and had kids with Liz, not your mother. Are you really okay with your mom threatening to take your children?

moondoggie1960 − YTA x 1000.. You should've put your Mom in her place, and in no uncertain terms. Her behaviour and threats are outrageous!. (Or maybe, when your wife and kids move, you should stay behind with your Mommy?)

Justthisgirlsopinion − Lol, waiting for the “my wife wants a divorce and I don’t know what I did wrong” update. YTA, and a soon to be divorced and living with your mom a**hole, but at least she’ll still get to see your kids when you get visitation! Silver linings

ADVERTISEMENT

latefordinner__ − looks like poor Liz will be going to court twice.. once for a restraining order for your overbearing p**cho mother, and the second to divorce your spineless self.. good thing she has the income.. YTA

shadow-foxe − YTA- your mom has raised her kids, she doesn't get to insult your wife and threaten court dates because you guys are moving. Support your wife or you'll be back living with your mom as well. No one is punishing your mom, it's called life and things happen.

PurpleBugBull − Info: Do you agree with your mom that the kids should stay with her after you move?

ADVERTISEMENT

These Redditors brought the heat, calling out the OP for letting his mom’s threats slide. Some saw Liz as the voice of reason; others wondered if the OP’s loyalty lies more with his mom than his marriage. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

This story leaves us pondering where loyalty lies when family ties tangle. The OP’s stuck in a tug-of-war between his mom’s love for her grandkids and Liz’s right to steer her family’s future. It’s a messy, relatable clash that sparks debate about boundaries and support. The Reddit crowd leaned hard into Liz’s corner, but the truth might lie in the gray. What would you do if you were caught between a fierce grandma and a fed-up spouse? Share your take below!

 

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *