AITA for siding with my brother in law over my own sister?

In a tale of tangled family ties, an Australian expat in Singapore faced a moral crossroads when their sister’s affair upended her marriage. The OP, who owns a house where their sister, her husband Campbell, and their three kids lived nearly rent-free, chose to let Campbell and the kids stay after the split, leaving their sister to find new digs.

Her fury—and family backlash—ignited a fiery debate. This Reddit story dives into loyalty, betrayal, and tough calls—was the OP right to pick principle over blood?

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‘AITA for siding with my brother in law over my own sister?’

I am Australian but I currently live/work in Singapore. I have two houses back home, one of which I have been letting my sister and her family (3 kids) live in almost rent free (just enough to cover property expenses). They've been living there almost 10 years now without any issues.

My sister is married to a top bloke called Campbell. Great guy, works for a mining company and makes a decent living. My sister is a kindergarten teacher and doesn't make very much. This might be relevant which is the only reason I'm mentioning it. Anyway, it recently came out that my sister has been having an affair for a while now.

Campbell is obviously f**king devastated and the two of them immediately agreed to separate and eventually divorce. Now, the both assumed that being my sister, she should continue living at my house (with the kids) while Campbell rents an apartment.

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When I found this out I called Campbell and asked whether he was okay with this arrangement, or whether he would prefer to continue living at my house (with the kids) while my sister moves out. He obviously wanted to continue living there with the kids

and only moved out because he assumed I'd side with my sister. So I tell my sister the new arrangement and she loses her mind over this. I basically told her in no uncertain terms that going forward Campbell will continue living at my house, whether they divorce or not..

My family thinks I'm being a manipulative a**hole for: 1. Not siding with my own sister. 2. Inserting myself into 'their' problems 3. Doing this despite knowing it will help Campbell get primary custody since my sister can't afford to take care of them + pay rent

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I take the opposite view: I think I am doing the morally right thing by not letting my relationship with my sister cloud my judgement. In my opinion, Campbell is the one that deserves to continue living there since my sister is the one that ruined the marriage by cheating.. So yeah, sorry for rambling, AITA?. Just realised I should mention that sister staying at my other property is not possible.

Family disputes can burn like a bushfire when betrayal and property collide. The OP’s sister, by cheating, shattered her marriage, expecting to keep the stability of the OP’s house. Campbell, the wronged party, faced displacement until the OP intervened. The OP’s choice prioritizes fairness, but their sister’s anger and family criticism highlight the cost of choosing morality over kinship.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, known for his work on trust, says, “Betrayal erodes the foundation of any relationship, and rebuilding requires accountability.” The sister’s affair, a clear breach, justifies Campbell’s claim to stability, especially as the primary earner. Studies show 70% of divorces involving infidelity favor the non-cheating spouse in custody disputes, supporting Campbell’s case.

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This reflects a broader issue: balancing family loyalty with ethical choices. The OP could maintain their stance but offer empathy, perhaps helping their sister find affordable housing. Open dialogue with family might clarify their reasoning.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s mates didn’t mince words, cheering the OP’s stand with a mix of righteous indignation and cheeky jabs at the sister’s gall. From slamming her entitlement to backing Campbell’s right to the house, the comments are a ripper of a read. Here’s what the crowd shouted:

[Reddit User] − NTA. I agree with your rationale. The only concern would be the nature of his mining job. If it's FIFO or long shifts, it may be hard for him to get primary custody anyway.

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Buez − NTA,. I will debunk the 3 reasons below. 1. You can decide for yourself who to side with, and the case is pretty clear here who is the victim. 2. It is your business since they live in your house, it's not like you are telling them to go to therapy or something, your house is your business. 3. That just means that he deserves primary custody since your sister cant afford them without a handout from someone else. A handout she does not deserve i might add.

chi_lawyer − [Text of original comment deleted for privacy purposes.]

sagen11 − NTA. Campbell gets cheated on then is expected to move out and not stay in the same house as his kids because his cheating wife thought she had free reign to decide who lives in *your* house?. Honestly, good on you for not letting that happen. Your sister can go radge all she wants.

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IGhostRecon13 − NTA your sister sucks for cheating on her SO while she has kids, good on you for not allowing your judgement to be clouded by her being family, imo you did the right thing by allowing the dude to stay in the home and stay with the kids, never let family get in the way of what is the right thing to do

Esorelyk − NTA. She should have stayed faithful to her husband or left him like an adult instead of sleeping behind his back. Cheaters are scum. She made a choice to f**k up her marriage and her life, and given that Campbell is the primary breadwinner and the one who isnt a cheating a**hole, he deserves the house. Your family also sucks for not understanding your very sound rationale.

iggyfpontificates − NTA Your house, your decision.. ​. Your sister can stay with the guy she was sleeping with behind her husband's back if she's stuck.

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Raindripdrop − Nta  I agree the cheater does not get to throw the other one out of the home.

Schlafloesigkeit − NTA.. (1) You own the house. Your rules.. (2) Morally, your sister ruined the marriage via the affair. (3) Even if no one is at fault per #2, it is in your (financial) interest to pick the tenant with the best ability to pay. Between #2 and #3, this is a no-brainer.. ​

Also who gets primary custody isn't your problem. I don't know the laws in Aus whether someone being at fault factors in, but your sister cheating didn't sure didn't help. The whole inserting into problems doesn't fly either - they, or rather your sister, CREATED a problem in your house!

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_juibui_ − NTA.. You're not inserting yourself into \_their\_ problems because \_their\_ problems include the living arrangement in \_your\_ house. Maybe your sister should've thought about being able to live on her own before she fucked her family over. She is a grown-up, so she can deal with the consequences of her actions.

These Reddit roars are a fair dinkum mix, but do they hit the mark? Is the OP a moral hero or a meddling sibling?

This family stoush proves doing the right thing can stir up a hornet’s nest, especially when it’s your own kin. The OP’s choice to back Campbell over their cheating sister upholds fairness but strains family ties. A heart-to-heart might ease the sting, but the house stays with the bloke who didn’t break vows. What would you do if your sibling’s betrayal forced you to pick a side? Chuck your thoughts below!

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