AITA for secretly leaving in an Uber from the family vacation when my dad yelled at my sisters and I?

Picture a cramped hotel room, the air thick with tension as a dad’s booming voice rips through the morning calm. Exhausted from a late-night arrival, three sisters just wanted a few extra hours of sleep, but their father’s furious outburst over a missed boating tour turned a family vacation sour. For the 19-year-old eldest, it was the last straw—she grabbed an Uber and bolted. Was her escape a bold stand or a family betrayal? This Reddit saga dives into the chaos of family dynamics.

Her quiet exit by train speaks volumes about breaking free from toxic patterns. As we unpack her story Reddit Post and Reddit’s fiery reactions, get ready for a tale of courage, guilt, and the messy ties that bind.

‘AITA for secretly leaving in an Uber from the family vacation when my dad yelled at my sisters and I?’

My family was planning a road trip and we set off yesterday. This morning my dad had a huge angry fit over something stupid, we had gotten to the hotel late the prior night because of traffic and didn't get to bed till 1 am. But we had a 7 am booking for a group boating tour.

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So my sisters (15 and 13 respectively) and I (I'm 19) all decided we wanted to sleep in since we only had 5 hours sleep before my dad woke everyone up to get ready. We would rather have a good night sleep and enjoy the afternoon and evening activities than ruin the whole day being exhausted.

My dad got angry at us and screamed at us about how he spent so much money on the trip and how we were not even having fun and he didn't pay all this for us to sleep all day. I said I wasn't trying to sleep all day, I just needed a normal night sleep if I was gonna be awake for any of the activities.

And I'd rather be awake and having fun for three activities then totally brain dead for four. He yelled at me for back talk and screamed in my face spittle flying to get in the car with my mom and my brother. That's when it hit me, I'm 19, I have my own place, I don't have to do whatever he screams or be scared anymore.

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So I said okay, I was just stopping in the hotel lobby for a coffee. I went there and booked an Uber to the Amtrak station and luckily it was there fast before my family saw. I texted my dad that I was heading out, I had a way to get home, and I wasn't okay with being around him when he couldn't keep control of his anger.

(That's something I said almost infinite times before but this was the first time I actually had the ability to actually leave for more than a night at a friend's. My mom called me and was begging me to come back because my dad had worked hard on the trip. I told her that literally all the work my dad had to do, and this was a easy one, was not scream in my face.

It's so easy I've not screamed in anyone's face since I was a child. And if he couldn't do that one easy thing he knows he needs to do it doesn't sound like he put much work in at all. She was upset with me saying I know he has trouble under stress, especially around money, and I said that he could have 'trouble' if he wanted but I didn't want to be around for it.

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She asked where I was going and I lied and said a friend was getting me. I had actually bought a train ticket home. I feel conflicted because while I am trying to hold myself to this promise that I made to myself that I'll only be around.my dad when he is able to control his temper because I don't wanna be subjected to that...

My older brother and younger sisters are still on the trip and I feel bad because this was supposed to be a chance for me to reconnect with them after a year of college and to hopefully mend fences with my dad. And I feel like I sabotaged that.. AITA for bailing on the family vacation?. Edited a typo

Family vacations should spark joy, not dread, but this dad’s explosive reaction turned fun into fear. The daughter’s decision to leave reflects a healthy boundary against unchecked anger. Her father’s screaming, despite knowing his stress triggers, prioritizes control over connection. As psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner notes, “Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to” (The Dance of Anger). Here, her exit signaled she’d no longer tolerate emotional outbursts.

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Her perspective is clear: at 19, with her own place, she’s free to choose peace over chaos. Her dad’s focus on money and schedules ignored his daughters’ exhaustion, while her mom’s pleas enabled his behavior. This dynamic—where one parent’s rage dominates—strains family ties.

A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found 55% of teens in high-conflict homes report emotional distress from parental anger (APA). Her siblings, still stuck on the trip, may feel trapped, making her stand a powerful example.

For solutions, experts suggest family therapy to address the dad’s anger and the mom’s enabling. The daughter could maintain ties with her siblings via calls, reinforcing her support. Open dialogue about stress triggers might help, but only if her dad commits to change.

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit roared to life with cheers and sharp takes, rallying behind the daughter’s daring escape. Here’s a peek at the community’s unfiltered reactions, straight from the comments.

pfashby − NTA Now he can see that there are consequences to his actions and that you for one will not be putting up with his nonsense.. What a nice shiny spine you have! Congratulations on being an adult! Yay!

CoSprVippy − NTA have you considered the repercussions of your standing up and saying enough is enough and I can choose what I'm willing to put up with. Not only did your siblings see you take a brave stand your mom did too. It might be a step towards your mother refusing to put up with his behavior too. I'm so very proud of you!

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notlucyintheskye − NTA - I actually cut my father out of my life after a very similar situation (He yelled in my face, could feel the spit hitting me he was so close), so I sympathize with you. Wishing you healing in the future, OP

DerthOFdata − NTA. Good on you for setting boundaries and sticking to them.

HollasForADollas − NTA. He sounds like a control freak. The point of the boat tour was to have fun, not to stick to a schedule at all costs. If he was that hurt by it, he should have talked to y’all about it like the adult he’s supposed to be.

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icedtea4all − Hell no, you're NTA. Good for you for standing up to your dad! If the cost of the trip is your dignity, don't pay it. It was kind of your dad to plan and pay for this trip. It was not kind of him to act the way he did over missing one activity with his kids.

A parent's unconditional love isn't supposed to have conditions. Seems like unending compliance is his price.. P.S. he could've used the quiet morning as nice alone time with his wife, for crying out loud.

nylasachi − NTA… your dad sabotaged it not you. If he can’t control his temper doing things like this he shouldn’t be doing them. There is nothing worse than someone who screams and yells over something that is supposed to be fun on a vacation.

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kevwelch − NTA. From what you describe, your dad has a history of yelling and screaming at you kids. But you realized the one key fact in it all: you are an adult, and you don’t have to take this anymore. You showed your dad that there are consequences to his tantrums. And more importantly, you showed your siblings that they too can be free.

Maybe not today, but when they turn 18, they can choose to leave, just like they watched you do. Do your best to stay in touch with your sins. The younger ones especially. Let them know that you are a safe person to run to, even if just for a night. Your dads stress is of his own making. He chose to have a tightly packed schedule of “fun”.

A schedule that can get easily thrown off by small things like traffic. He could have made the plans a bit more flexible, scheduled fewer things, spent less money, or made several other choices besides the ones he picked.Your response to your mother was perfectly correct.

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His one thing that he had to do to keep the family together was not yell and scream like an out of control child. That task was too difficult for him. And if he can’t manage his emotions and control his anger, then he doesn’t get to have you around. It’s that simple. Great job.. NTA

invomitous-rex − NTA. I also grew up with a parent who was rageful especially around holidays/vacations, and the unspoken rule was very much “I’ve put in all the effort to plan and pay for this so you have to act like you enjoy it no matter how you’re actually feeling or if you even asked for this”.

It’s a very confusing and ugly dynamic that makes what should be an enjoyable family experience an incredibly stressful and guilt-ridden time for everyone. You did the right thing by leaving. You staying would have done nothing except reinforce to your dad that it’s fine for him to inflict emotional violence on his family because that means he gets his way.

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Your mother is unfortunately being massively codependent - the attitude of “this is just how he gets when he’s stressed and it’s best to just go along with what he wants because he worked hard to make this happen” is just a fancy way of enabling his bad behaviour. You are quite right that all your dad had to do was control his temper and not scream at his children, and he didn’t even try to do that.

It’s hard to be the first person in your family to break from an abusive dynamic, but it is essential work, and it will show your younger siblings that they don’t have to put up with this treatment just because he’s your father. Also if you’re interested there’s a couple of resources I could suggest for you, let me know if you’re keen. And well done for doing the right thing.

buzz_buzzing_buzzed − NTA. And as far as your siblings, you've shown them how to stand up for themselves and have boundaries of how they are willing to be treated.

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These hot takes are Reddit at its boldest—full of sass and support—but do they capture the whole story, or just fan the flames?

This vacation-turned-escape lays bare the cost of unchecked anger in families. Was the daughter wrong to bail, or did her dad’s outburst leave her no choice? Reddit’s firmly in her corner, but the fallout with her siblings stings. If you were in her shoes, facing a screaming parent, would you stay or go? Drop your stories and thoughts below—let’s keep this family drama chat rolling!

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