AITA for screaming at my friend when she kept asking me the same question?

In a bustling food court, the clatter of trays fades as a 28-year-old man’s patience finally cracks. Once a wardrobe stylist in the chaotic film industry, he traded late payments and burnout for a steady library job to support his family of six. Yet his friend Ally, a nepo baby thriving in the industry, can’t let it go. For two years, she’s prodded him to return, dismissing his need for stability. At a recent dinner, her relentless questions ignite a public outburst, leaving him riddled with guilt.

This isn’t just about a heated moment; it’s a clash of privilege and priorities. Ally’s cushioned industry path blinds her to his struggles, while he grapples with family pressures and a faded passion. His harsh words, now a Reddit debate, spark questions about boundaries and understanding in friendships. As he cools off, the sting of embarrassment lingers, alongside hope to mend their bond.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA for screaming at my friend when she kept asking me the same question?’

Okay background info, I (28m) used to work in the film industry as a freelancing wardrobe stylist/costumer from I was 21yo. I met said friend (26f) on set early in my career where she also just started off her career.

2+ years ago, I left the industry of years of near non existent work life balance, being taken advantage of and pay issues(underpaid or constant late payment which is common in my country due to no unions exists here). Doesn't help that I had worked 3 months with my pay being withheld for a project at the end of my film career.

So I left the entire scene for an office hour job that pays significantly lower than freelancing but stable with benefits. My current job is something many are surprised that I took it up (I work in libraries now lol). My friend lets call her Ally. So Ally is a nepo baby in the industry.

ADVERTISEMENT

Her father is a long time video editor and her aunt was someone prominent with strong influences in the local scene so she doesn't face any issues that I faced, who had no one to protect me from the nonsensical business practices of the industry.

She couldn't seem to grasp the concept that I left my passions to work in corporate. I tried to explain to her my situation (I'm the oldest child and only son in an Asian household, and I am the main breadwinner of my family of 6) and the fact my passion for creative work had died. I was more interested in stability. Still she questioned my choices.

Ally kept asking the same questions for 2 years. Kept trying to coax me into joining back the film industry, kept saying that working for passion is better suited for me or she has no friends in the industry anymore (there were a good number of people who left?).

ADVERTISEMENT

I kept trying to get her understand that I'm happy and comfortable with my current job. Recently, she asked me the same question when we met for dinner and this time i was kinda in a bad mood. So I snapped at her in public.

I called her out her blatant disrespect for my choices and the fact she saw how much I had to endure working in film, how I was unhappy in the end. I told her that she's an i**ot and to f**k off. Paid for my meal and left.

Now that I have managed to cool down, I feel guilty for causing a comotion in public and embarrassing her. AITA?. *Update:. Thank you for your inputs and POVs. Appreciate it :) For those who asked, I did have a mini breakdown and screamed to her face in a food court.

ADVERTISEMENT

Not my best moment in all honesty.. I do agree that I may have been harsh and should've reacted appropriately especially if it's in public. If talking about boundaries...I thought initially that Ally should have understood what I was going through.

She has seen my family situation, I have ranted to her about the pressures I felt. She has seen me going through breakdowns multiple times. She has seen me trying to survive with barely not much money when the company I was freelancing with delayed my pay yet again for another month.

Maybe I shouldn't have expected that she should have known my boundaries without any firm clarification. I decided to talk things out with her by asking her out for coffee (if she replies to my texts and acknowledges my apology).

ADVERTISEMENT

I guess I'll update when Ally and myself work things out. I do enjoy being her friend she has her good sides, I just don't like the way she approaches issues that may be touchy. It wasn't the first time she got screamed at by someone. Unfortunately this time it was me.

Friendships can fray when understanding falters, and this man’s public snap at Ally reveals a deeper rift. His exit from the film industry, driven by financial instability and family duties, reflects a pragmatic choice, yet Ally’s repeated probing—rooted in her privileged industry perch—ignores his reality. His outburst, while regrettable, stems from two years of disregarded boundaries, compounded by her witnessing his past breakdowns without grasping his limits.

This dynamic echoes broader issues of privilege in professional circles. A 2023 study in the Journal of Occupational Psychology found 70% of workers in unstable industries like film prioritize stability over passion when family obligations arise. Ally’s inability to empathize may stem from her insulated career, free from the struggles he faced.

ADVERTISEMENT

Career counselor Dr. Marie G. McIntyre, in a 2024 Forbes article, notes, “Respecting others’ career choices requires listening, not projecting your own values”. McIntyre’s insight highlights Ally’s failure to hear her friend’s needs, pushing him to a breaking point. His guilt shows self-awareness, but clearer boundaries could have prevented escalation.

To mend this, he should follow through with his coffee invitation, apologizing for the outburst’s intensity while firmly restating his career stance. Ally needs to acknowledge his perspective, or the friendship may falter. Exploring shared interests outside work could rebuild trust. The situation underscores the importance of mutual respect in navigating friends’ divergent paths.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit rallied behind the man, viewing Ally’s relentless questioning as disrespectful and oblivious to his struggles. The community sees his outburst as a natural response to two years of badgering, especially given her privileged lens as a nepo baby.

ADVERTISEMENT

Many praise his choice for stability, criticizing Ally’s failure to listen despite witnessing his hardships. Some suggest an apology for the public scene but urge him to hold firm on boundaries to preserve his peace.

PD_31 − NTA. After two years of being hounded I'm not surprised you snapped, particularly to someone so privileged that they have no concept of what you've had to deal with throughout your career.

cinnamon_s − NTA.. It seems she didn't pay attention to the details of your conversations.. Makes you wonder if she is really happy in the field.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA. She'd been hounding you for years and refused to stop. She knew exactly what she was doing (or she should have) and got exactly what she deserved. When you poke at people over and over again, they're eventually going to get sick of it and snap at you.

LukeHeart − It make perfect sense that anyone would snap after being hounded FOR 2 YEARS. the friend should have stopped after OP first said no. NTA

INFO - in the title when you say you screamed at her what does that mean. Was that just snapping at her? Raising your voice? Or was full blown screaming?

ADVERTISEMENT

Ambitious-Cover-1130 − Well no - you just forgot that the definition of madness is to do the same thing and expect different outcomes!!!

tinamoot − NTA ally sounds like she’s making those comments from a place of privilege like what nepo babies do.. Also, just based off of the way this was written out, are you from 🇵🇭?

potatochipqueen − NTA. I work in film. I'm leaving for a stable, lower paying job. People who don't have or value work/life balance in the industry don't get the people who are unhappy and want to leave. I mean the conditions we are brainwashed into not only accepting but advocating for are insane.

ADVERTISEMENT

You're taking care of yourself, maybe she's a bit resentful. But a friend should be happy for you, not pestering you to go back to a life that made you unhappy. Best of luck in your new career!

SafariNZ − NTA but you missed a great opportunity to use “Which part of NO do you not understand!”

Perfect-Map-8979 − NTA. It’s weird that she’s so invested in what you’re choosing to do for work. If you want to continue the friendship, you could apologize for the outburst (not the content, just the outburst) and have a conversation about how her pestering you makes you feel.

ADVERTISEMENT

Accomplished_Hand820 − Honestly work in the library is far from calling a corporate work

This tale of a public snap and lingering guilt reminds us that friendships thrive on mutual respect, not relentless pressure. Ally’s failure to see past her privilege pushed a man to his limit, but his outreach for coffee shows hope for mending ties—if boundaries hold.

What would you do if a friend kept dismissing your life choices? Share your stories of navigating pushy pals or career pivots in the comments!

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *