AITA for saying my sister should not get alimony?

A divorce after 26 years should be a clean break, but for one woman, it became a family feud when her sister asked for her take on seeking alimony. With half the ex-husband’s military retirement already secured and a steady job, the sister’s push for more struck her as greedy—prompting a blunt opinion that led to cries of betraying women. As emotions flare, the math of fairness takes center stage.

This saga of sibling loyalty and divorce ethics hums with raw tension. When does an honest opinion cross into family betrayal?

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‘AITA for saying my sister should not get alimony?’

My sister (49) is going through a divorce after 26 years. Because he (55) was in the military, she already gets 50% of his retirement and now she wants alimony as well. She did spend about 16 years at home with the kids but went back to work and has worked for about the last 10 years.

When he retired 4yrs ago, he did not get another job. He has PTSD from some bad stuff he had to go through, including having to shoot a young person and enough physical damage that he receives an additional check. He is honable discharge, partially disabled (23yrs service).

The reason they want a divorce is because they just can't get along anymore. They bicker constantly and have grown apart. Nobody is beating anybody, no name calling, no cheating. Just two people who don't like each other anymore. She asked for the divorce and he agreed.

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Now she ASKED me for my opinion on the alimony because he is not in agreement. So I told her I did think that was unfair of her. They split everything down the middle except his disability check ( because she can't legally) so I think she got her half. I explained he can't work right now and she can.

And she has half! Now she says I don't support women. I tried to explain that I do support that there are often times a person should be entitled to alimony but I don't think she is. I think she is asking for more then half. The maths right there. So AITA?

Divorce settlements aim for equity, but this sister’s alimony bid raises questions of fairness. The woman’s opinion—that half the retirement plus a decade of employment negates the need for alimony—aligns with legal principles prioritizing financial independence post-divorce. Her sister’s claim of “not supporting women” misframes a practical stance as ideological, ignoring the ex-husband’s PTSD and disability constraints.

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Family law expert Dr. Karen Ruskin notes, “Alimony is for need, not entitlement.” Courts often deny alimony when both parties are self-sufficient, as here, with 50% of U.S. divorces splitting assets evenly without additional support. The sister’s long work history and retirement share weaken her case, while her accusation deflects from the math.

This reflects broader issues of fairness in divorce. Dr. Ruskin advises, “Focus on facts, not emotions, in family disputes.” The woman should clarify her reasoning calmly, emphasizing equity, and avoid future opinion requests to sidestep drama.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit dove into this divorce drama like it’s a courtroom showdown. Here’s the community’s unfiltered take:

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Frozen-Nexus − Is your sister aware that her soon to be ex-husband would actually have a good chance of getting alimony from her?

TKyzr − “She says I don’t support women.” This is her argument? She’s doing this for all us women of the world? You made excellent points on why he actually *needs* this money and she doesn’t. That’s called the right thing.. NTA. She’s getting half which is fair.

b1lllevansatmariposa − NTA. Those who say Y T A do so because they don't want you to get involved. But she ASKED for your opinion. Furrfu.

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OrganizationTiny7843 − Supporting women includes recognizing that we are capable of supporting ourselves. With no young kids at home, no (recent) long work gap that renders her unemployable - exactly why should he pay her to leave him? And if she is the only one working, is she certain that HE isn’t the spouse entitled to alimony?

mackeyca87 − NTA. Don’t ask for other peoples opinions if you don’t want to hear the answer.

TranslatorWaste7011 − NTA since she asked for your opinion… but just general advice people just want you to agree with them when they ask for giving them money or wanting you to take someone in. Just say “I don’t want to get involved” next time.

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DrTeethPhD − NTA. She asked, you answered.. It's too bad for her she didn't like the answer.

slimtonun − People need to start understanding the words coming out of their mouth. This was probably a validation question where she was looking for “support” (100% validation and agreement from you) but that’s not what she said.

She asked for your opinion and she got it. We are grown adults and this game of “what I say vs what I mean” game is tiresome. As others have said when someone starts asking questions like this I would preface it first by saying “do you want validation or do you want my honest opinion?”

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kae0603 − A woman taking advantage of a man isn’t being pro women -it’s being mean. All retirement and savings split evenly and then wish each other well and move on.

Foreign_Ad8787 − Wouldn’t she potentially owe HIM alimony ?!

These sharp takes cut deep, but do they miss nuances? Is the sister greedy, or just hurt?

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This alimony argument lays bare the tricky balance of family loyalty and financial fairness. The woman’s candid take on her sister’s divorce demands sparks a debate about equity, support, and sibling bonds. What would you say if a sibling asked your view on their divorce? Share your stories in the comments—let’s unpack this family courtroom clash!

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