AITA for “ruining” a bachelor party and uninviting myself to the wedding?

Celebrations can be bittersweet when family and friends bring more drama than joy. In this post, a 36-year-old woman recounts the chaos surrounding a recent bachelor party and wedding invitation. Her husband, who’s been married for five years, had a less-than-thrilling bachelor party experience years ago—a simple outing at a breastaurant that left much to be desired. Fast forward five years, and his best man’s wedding is approaching.

The bachelor party plans for the groom now involve an extravagant multi-stop event that could easily cost between $1,000 and $2,000 upfront. With a schedule that includes pre-gaming, a Brazilian steakhouse dinner, club table service, and even a casino hotel stay, the party’s scale is far beyond what the groom’s current lifestyle demands. The OP’s husband agreed to most of the plans, except for the casino hotel stay, as he’s moved past his party phase.

When the groom and his friends pushed for a lavish celebration, the OP found herself caught in a financial and emotional tug-of-war. Accusations of being overly frugal and even of having money issues led her to make a bold decision: she un-RSVP’d for herself and her kids, choosing only for her husband to attend. This raises the question—was her refusal justified, or did she overreact by “ruining” the bachelor party and uninviting herself from the wedding?

‘AITA for “ruining” a bachelor party and uninviting myself to the wedding?’

Relationship and financial experts emphasize that establishing clear personal boundaries is critical when balancing social expectations with practical responsibilities. Dr. Karen Finn, a seasoned relationship counselor, explains, “When you are repeatedly expected to contribute financially or socially beyond what aligns with your current priorities, it is essential to set firm limits to preserve your own well-being.”

In the OP’s case, the extravagant bachelor party plans, which would require significant outlay and disrupt her family’s routine, clearly crossed her comfort zone. Her decision to opt out reflects a thoughtful response to an evolving lifestyle where financial stability and family obligations take precedence over lavish social events. Dr. Finn further notes that as life changes—especially with added responsibilities like children—it’s natural for couples to reevaluate their priorities.

“What might have seemed fun or acceptable in the past can become unsustainable as your circumstances evolve. Establishing and communicating new boundaries is not only practical; it’s necessary for long-term relationship satisfaction,” she adds. She advises that couples should have open discussions about what they’re willing to invest in social events and what they’re not, so that both partners feel respected and on the same page.

Additionally, experts warn that when one partner consistently ends up carrying the burden of managing shared social responsibilities, it can lead to significant resentment and feelings of exploitation. Dr. Finn emphasizes, “A healthy relationship requires mutual participation in decision-making, especially regarding financial commitments. When these decisions become one-sided, it can create a lasting imbalance that affects both personal and relational well-being.” In this context, the OP’s decision to un-RSVP for herself and her children is a clear, well-considered stance aimed at protecting her financial and emotional stability, even if it means temporarily stepping back from the festivities.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit community largely supported the OP’s stance. Many commenters argued that if her husband wasn’t managing his own party expenses, then expecting him to splurge on an extravagant event was unreasonable. Numerous users emphasized that the proposed bachelor party—costing up to $2,000—was excessive and out of line with their current lifestyle and priorities.

Others pointed out that the OP’s decision to un-RSVP for herself and the kids was a logical reaction to the pressure and financial strain, reinforcing that everyone has the right to set their own boundaries. While a few viewed her actions as somewhat petty, the overall sentiment was that protecting personal and family finances in the face of excessive demands is completely justified.

In conclusion, this story is more than just a dispute over a bachelor party—it’s about balancing financial responsibility with social expectations. The OP’s decision to un-RSVP for herself and her kids, while leaving only her husband to attend, reflects a clear stance on her current priorities and the need to set healthy boundaries.

What do you think? Should couples adapt their celebrations to match their evolving lifestyles, or is it acceptable to decline extravagant events that strain your budget and family obligations? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate similar challenges in their relationships and financial lives.