AITA for requiring a cash deposit to come to TG dinner and uninviting my sister and her husband because they refuse to pay it?

The sun sets over a beachside home, where the promise of warm sand and turkey beckons a large family for Thanksgiving. But beneath the festive vibe, a storm brews. The host, tired of their sister Kari and her husband Bob turning every gathering into a political battlefield, lays down a bold rule: a $500 deposit to ensure silence on politics, refundable if everyone plays nice. When Kari and Bob refuse, they’re uninvited, leaving family ties strained and Reddit abuzz.

This isn’t just about a holiday dinner—it’s a clash of boundaries, family drama, and the lengths one goes to keep peace. With parents pleading for their grandkids’ presence and the deposit sparking heated debate, the host’s move has everyone talking. Is this a genius boundary or a tacky overreach? Let’s dig into the juicy details of this Thanksgiving showdown.

‘AITA for requiring a cash deposit to come to TG dinner and uninviting my sister and her husband because they refuse to pay it?’

I’m going to be vague because I don’t want to turn this into a political debate because it’s not one. I’m hosting TG this year and everyone is excited. My house is in a warm location near beaches so everyone in the family is excited to get out of the cold and dig their toes into sand. My family is large and as expected, we all fall under different parts of the political spectrum.

We might not agree with each other on some issues but we treat each other with respect and love. That is, except for my sister Kari and her husband Bob. They strongly believe in their politics and view anyone who doesn’t agree with them as being wrong and need to be taught to be correct. Even family members who are in the same political party are wrong if they’re not in 100% agreement on every issue.

Every get together turns into a heated debate with them on one side against everyone else even with the people who vote as they do. Frankly, it’s exhausting and life draining just to be in the same room with them. To head off any political debate this year, I included in the invitation email a ban on political discussions and a request for a monetary deposit of $500

(I picked this amount because everyone can afford it but I wanted it to be a painful loss if they lose it). I stated that this money will be returned at the end of the night if politics are not discussed. Whoever brings up politics will lose their deposit. Everyone agreed and sent me the money except for Kari and Bob. They replied that this was stupid and they don’t have to pay a deposit to come to a family gathering.

I answered since it’s my house, it’s my rules. We went back and forth until I got tired of it and uninvited them. I’m here because they have children who will be affected by my decision and my parents are trying to talk me out of it. They want to see all of their grand children and they think it’s cruel to prevent Kari’s from coming. They even offered to cover Kari’s deposit but I firmly told them no.. AITA for requiring a deposit to come to TG?

Edit for more info:. 1. Sorry all! I was trying to stay under the word count restriction. TG = Thanksgiving. 2. Everyone paid and Kari is better off that some who did so there are no “what if they can’t” scenario. 3. Only my parents are staying with me. Everyone else is renting their own lodgings. The thanksgiving dinner will be 7-9. People can come earlier to help and hang out and stay later to help clean but they can also come for only 2 hours.

4. I thought about banning them but like I said, there are other people in the family who are in their political party and that might look like I’m banning that party. That’s a ripple effect I don’t want to see. I thought that the deposit is best because they’ll either pay and shut up or not pay and ban themselves.

Family gatherings can feel like tiptoeing through a minefield when politics are on the table. The OP’s $500 deposit rule, while unconventional, is a desperate bid to shield Thanksgiving from Kari and Bob’s relentless debates. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes that “healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining respect in relationships” . Here, the OP’s boundary—albeit pricey—aims to protect the family’s harmony, but its financial sting has sparked backlash.

Data shows 62% of Americans avoid political talk at family events to prevent conflict (Pew Research, 2020). Kari and Bob’s refusal to comply suggests they prioritize their agenda over family peace. However, the deposit’s high cost risks alienating others, as some Reddit users called it “tacky.” A softer approach, like a written no-politics pledge, might have avoided the standoff.

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Gottman’s advice on conflict resolution suggests clear communication and mutual respect. The OP could have offered Kari a chance to agree to the rule without payment, emphasizing the kids’ inclusion. For readers, setting firm but fair boundaries—like banning politics outright—can keep gatherings joyful.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s serving up a feast of opinions on this Thanksgiving deposit drama, and the takes are as spicy as the stuffing. Here’s what the community had to say:

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tsumtsumfaithie - NTA. You're allowed to have boundaries. No one else thought it was a problem until they made a fuss. I have relatives like that - I'm laughing while I imagine how that would go over at my place. 😂

RegretOk194 - She should donate the money to the opposite political party of the person who lost it. Then they can know then funded someone they oppose.

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beautifulmind90 - I understand not wanting people to talk politics but a $500 retainer for thanksgiving is so tacky.

StiffyMcFly - NTA great rule I may have to implement it myself! It’s not like you’re taking the money and there’s obviously a legitimate reason trying to avoid conflict so if that makes them not want to come they were clearly going to stir s**t up anyways.

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HenriettaHiggins - NTA. This is brilliant honestly. If your mom needs them there, she can front the money and address her kid. I hope that $500 goes to a shelter nearby. Beach communities are disproportionately affected by homelessness in some cases since it doesn’t get so cold.

[Reddit User] - Ahhhhh politics and religion, 2 things that shouldn't be discussed at large family gatherings! I applaud your solution and to really make the penalty hurt, donate the $500 to their least favourite charity! NTA

ssj4majuub - this is so weird and tacky and inappropriate to put a financial barrier on who can come to your Thanksgiving dinner, i get why you're doing it but i seriously cannot imagine anyone going along with this

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Fangehulmesteren - I think this is an AH move TBH, though I’m very sympathetic to wanting to avoid politics at thanksgiving.

ivylass - Why not just exclude Kari and Bob from Thanksgiving? What an odd way to handle things. YTA for making things unnecessarily complicated.

VulcanDiver - YTA. Your $500-required boundary is unreasonable. I hate political talk at family gatherings, but the idea that someone should pay you that substantial amount of money, even if they are getting it back, is ridiculous.

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These Reddit hot takes split the table—some cheer the OP’s bold move, while others cringe at the cash barrier. Is the deposit a clever fix or a recipe for family fallout? The kids caught in the crossfire add a bittersweet twist.

The OP’s $500 deposit was a gamble to keep Thanksgiving politics-free, but uninviting Kari and Bob has left family ties frayed. Their refusal to play ball suggests they’d rather debate than dine, but the kids missing out tugs at heartstrings. Reddit’s divided, and the OP’s parents are pleading for peace. Was the deposit a boundary worth setting, or did it burn bridges? Share your thoughts—what would you do to keep your holiday drama-free?

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