AITA for refusing to “work with my ex” and telling him I don’t need to ask his permission to do things with our son?

Jonathan Hours
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A sunny afternoon at the movies with her 11-year-old son and his friends should’ve been pure joy for this mom, but it ignited a firestorm with her ex-husband. With a 60-40 custody split, she thought a spontaneous outing was her call—until her ex accused her of sabotaging his efforts to bond their son with his stepdaughter, who the boy can’t stand.

What started as a fun day out spiraled into a co-parenting showdown over control, communication, and a kid’s right to enjoy his time. Refusing to seek “permission” for everyday activities, this mom’s bold stance has left her questioning if she’s in the wrong. Buckle up for a tale of family friction, where popcorn and principles collide.

‘AITA for refusing to “work with my ex” and telling him I don’t need to ask his permission to do things with our son?’

My ex and I have an 11 year old son together. We have a 60-40 custody split because of his job requirements. My ex got married 3 years ago and he has a 10 year old stepdaughter who lives with him full time. Our son and my ex's stepdaughter do not get along the best.

For a while my ex and his wife decided to let things develop naturally but for around a year now they have grown concerned that the kids have not grown closer, appear to dislike each other more, and so they started pushing the kids together more.

This is not something I know a lot about. I don't interfere when my son is with his dad (unless it was something harmful to my son). Just like I expect him to do the same. Not too long ago I took my son to see a movie he really wanted to see. It was him and three of his friends. We had a great time. My ex flipped when he found out.

He told me he had warned the kids they were going to see it together. He told me I should have asked when I knew he was working on their relationship. He said I should be working with him here. I told him to hold up, that I was not about to ask permission to take my son to a movie.

He told me that's not working with him. That I should be making sure he doesn't want that saved for a bonding experience with both kids. He said our son manipulated me when I wasn't told he and his wife were planning to take both kids to that movie and had said something. I asked him what our son thought about that and he admitted our son hadn't wanted to go, and told him as much.

He told me they need to do this stuff together or they'll never try. I told him I do not need to ask his permission to do things with our son and I will not ask his permission. He accused me of not working with him. That I want their blended family to fail. I don't.

But I don't want to deprive our son of fun stuff with me because he wants them to be sacred for his time only. And I don't want our son to be miserable doing all the fun stuff because he's forced to do it with the stepsister he doesn't like. And I think it's crazy to expect me to ask permission. Especially when I have our son more.. AITA?

Co-parenting is a tightrope walk, and this mom’s movie outing with her son tipped the balance toward conflict. Her ex’s push to force a bond between their son and his stepdaughter clashes with her focus on her son’s happiness, especially since he dislikes the stepdaughter. Both parents want the best, but their mismatched priorities—her autonomy versus his blended family goals—fueled the fire.

This reflects a common co-parenting challenge: balancing individual parenting rights with shared goals. A 2023 study by the National Stepfamily Resource Center found that 65% of step-siblings resist forced bonding, often leading to increased tension. The ex’s approach, pushing joint activities despite the son’s reluctance, risks backfiring by breeding resentment.

Family therapist Dr. Patricia Papernow advises, “Blended families need flexibility and respect for each child’s feelings, not rigid plans that ignore their needs”. The ex’s expectation that the mom coordinate every outing oversteps her 60% custody rights, while her firm stance protects her son’s joy but escalates conflict. Dr. Papernow’s insight calls for mutual respect over control.

The mom could suggest a co-parenting agreement, like sharing major plans via text without requiring approval, to reduce friction. The ex might benefit from counseling to explore why the kids clash rather than forcing activities. Readers, take note: clear communication in co-parenting prevents these plot twists. Set ground rules early to keep the drama off-screen.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back, unloading takes spicier than a movie theater’s nacho tray. From roasting the ex’s overreach to rallying behind the mom’s independence, these comments are raw and unfiltered. Here’s the highlight reel.

judgingA-holes − NTA - You shouldn't have to ask permission to do everyday life things with your son. I do understand asking permission for out of state vacations, medical stuff, etc, but not for going to the movies or something like that.

Also sorry but what your ex is doing is not going to create the bond that he thinks it is, in fact it's going to do the opposite..... made evident by the

Ok-Contact-7218 − You absolutely should not have to ask permission to do a normal everyday activity. What next? Check with him before trying a new restaurant that he might have wanted to take him to. Why couldn't he have texted you and let you know that he was planning on taking the kids to such and such place and would it be okay if he did it and not you.

EDJardin − NTA, I can see why you're divorced. If he wants to save an activity to do with the kids, he needs to use his big-boy words and tell you. He's a special kind of stupid if he thinks an 11 year old is going to do it.

No-Function223 − Nta. The responsibility of his family is on his head. If he wants to “reserve” an activity, then it’s on him to make that request to you. It’s not your son’s job, he’s 11. It’s not your job either to keep him informed of every single thing you do with your son. If it’s something he wants, it’s something *he* needs to be on top of. He just wants to be lazy and make you do his job for him. 

Mother_Search3350 − Tell him to f**k off and leave you out of his issues with his step child. . You have ONE child and your only concern and responsibilities begin and start with him. What does and doesn't happen in his house is no more your business or concern than what happens in yours. .

What you do or don't do with your son is none of his damned business either.  All that forced bonding is going to destroy whatever relationship he has with his son and cause a lot of resentment.  No pre teen boy wants to be forced to spend all his free time with some random girl just because his father is married to the mom. . NTAH 

Organic-Willow2835 − A movie is not going to help the kids bond. Shared activities will. Your ex is foolish if he thinks you taking your son to a movie or mini golf or anything else will get in the way of the step sibling relationship.

Ignore your ex. Tell him he can do what he wants on his parenting time and you will do the same. But you are not going to change the plans you have with your son just because he would prefer to do something his way. Also, suggest they do family counseling instead of taking the kids to the movies.

Negative-Pilot3034 − NTA. Co-parenting is hard to navigate but he's expecting way too much. Sounds like they need to get to the bottom of why they dislike each other, instead of trying to force bonding, which is actually probably making things worse.

Lula_mlb − Is your son ban from rewatching the same movie again? Lol NTA. Sounds like your ex's family life is not going well and he is looking for someone to blame.

Miss_Bobbiedoll − NTA and what he's asking is unreasonable. Does your son actively dislike his stepsister or did he just never grow close? Is she annoying?

Organic-Meeting734 − He

These Reddit reactions are blockbuster-level intense, but do they cut to the core or just amplify the drama? One thing’s clear: they’re not buying the ex’s permission slip nonsense.

This movie-night saga proves co-parenting can be a tougher script to follow than any Hollywood blockbuster. By prioritizing her son’s fun over her ex’s forced bonding plan, this mom stood her ground, but the fallout left their co-parenting dynamic on shaky reels. As the credits roll, we’re left wondering if they can rewrite this story with less conflict. Have you faced a co-parenting clash over kid plans? Share your takes below—let’s popcorn this discussion!

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