AITA for refusing to go to mom’s house when roommate is a criminal?

In a small town, a casual chat on a sunlit porch takes a dark turn when a parent learns a chilling truth: their mother’s roommate, a fixture in her life for years, is a criminal. The bombshell lands harder with a young daughter in the picture, her safety now a gnawing concern. The mother, unfazed, extends an invitation to visit, but the thought of sharing space with this man sends shivers down the parent’s spine.

This isn’t just about a roommate; it’s a tangle of family loyalty, trust, and protective instincts. The parent’s heart races, caught between love for their mother and fear for their child. As the invitation lingers, the question looms: can they set boundaries without breaking bonds? It’s a dilemma that’s as real as it is unsettling, pulling at the threads of family ties.

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‘AITA for refusing to go to mom’s house when roommate is a criminal?’

The parent’s unease pours out in a gripping Reddit post, detailing the moment their instincts kicked in. Here’s their story, raw and unfiltered:

My mom has a roommate who's lived with her for several years. They often socialize together on the weekends, run errands together, work on house projects together. Nothing romantic, more of a roommate situation, but they've lived together so long that he's practically family. I've met him a few times, had some beers on the porch.

He's been to my house once or twice. Seems like a nice enough guy. Mom mentioned recently that he can no longer come to our house because we're too close to the park. She said it like it was no big deal, but it rang alarm bells in my mind. I didn't say anything in the moment because my daughter was with me and I didn't want to have that discussion in front of her.

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Sure enough, roommate is on the registry. Online solicitation. Victim was not much older than my daughter. Based on the info online, he was living in her house when it happened. He was sentenced to probation and supervision. I did some googling to see if I could find any more information but only found other people with the same name.

Maybe there are mitigating factors, maybe he's rehabilitated, but the whole situation creeps me out. Obviously Mom knows he's registered and is OK with it. She's invited us over so we can all (specifically including roommate) hang out.

Knowing what I know, I don't want to associate with the guy, and I definitely don't want to take my daughter around him. I can't exactly suggest that he go take a walk around the park while we're there. While she's welcome to come to my house, I'd rather not go to hers. AITAH?

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This parent’s discovery is a gut-punch, turning a cozy family dynamic into a minefield of doubt. The mother’s roommate, a registered s** offender convicted of online solicitation, lives in her home, yet she brushes it off, inviting her grandchild into the space. The parent’s hesitation is visceral—protecting their daughter trumps all, especially with the victim’s age hitting too close to home. The mother’s acceptance of the roommate, built on years of camaraderie, clashes with the parent’s instinct to steer clear.

S** offender registries exist to inform, but they stir complex emotions. A 2018 study in Criminology & Public Policy found that registries can reduce recidivism by 1-2%, but public perception often leans toward fear over nuance (source: Criminology & Public Policy). The parent’s caution reflects this, weighing the roommate’s past against their daughter’s safety.

Dr. Jill Levenson, a social work professor specializing in s** offender policies, notes, “Not all offenders pose the same risk, but parents are right to prioritize child safety when trust is uncertain” (source: The Conversation, Jill Levenson). Levenson’s perspective validates the parent’s stance—without clear evidence of rehabilitation, caution is prudent. The mother’s comfort may stem from familiarity, but it overlooks the parent’s need for transparency.

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The parent should communicate their boundaries clearly, suggesting visits at their home or neutral locations. Family therapy could bridge the gap, helping the mother understand the concerns. Resources like RAINN offer guidance on protecting children from potential risks (source: RAINN). Trust must be rebuilt with open dialogue.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s buzzing with spicy takes on this family dilemma—brace for candid, no-filter opinions!

deathraerae − Your mom is an AH for not telling you this information before you and your daughter met the guy the first time.

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MoveMission7735 − The reason that he's not romantic to tout mom is cuz she's decades older then what he's attracted to.

Alixxet − She.... brought him over?! I mean, I would be losing my s**t if this dude is anywhere near my kids. I believe you can report him for coming over to your house knowing he's on registry and this is his restriction.. NTA. Once a pedo, always a pedo.

AcceptableMap3490 − NTA idk how old ur daughter is, but dont let ur mum look after ur daughter. if she's this casual and okay with suggesting yall hang out with a pedo theeeenn... there's a good chance she'll let him be around ur daughter if she's ever babysitting or something.

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Otherwise_Degree_729 − NTA. Monitor your daughters devices. Keep a close eye on her. You can’t trust your mother to have her best interests at heart.

ThrowRAellsm − OP, please keep your daughter away from that man.. Sincerely,. Someone whose parents did not keep her away from “that man”.

BecGeoMom − Are you joking with this post? Are you kidding? First of all, just your title alone: You cannot believe that you are the AH here. It’s absurd. If it were me, mom is done. No visits, no hanging out at her house, she is never seeing my child again. She lives with a PEDOPHILE. Not alleged, not he seems creepy, not he makes you uncomfortable.

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He has a record, and he is on the registry. And worse, he committed the crime while he was living with your mother. Your mother knows. She didn’t tell you. She allowed you to bring her granddaughter around a f**king pedophile. And you’re wondering if YOU’RE the a**hole? I’d cut mom off. Any woman who chooses a man over a child is s**t.

A woman who chooses a man who is a PEDOPHILE over her own grandchild is something so horrible, I can’t think of a word for it. And if you go along with this, you’re a terrible mother, too.. Someone needs to protect that girl. If not you, call her father. She’s in danger.. The jury is still out on whether you’re the AH. Depends on what you do next.

anyabear − definitely nta. dude is a registered s** offender, so you shouldn’t have to bring your child around him. your mom should understand this boundary as it’s the law. even if you brought your child around this man it would be illegal, so she can’t expect you to do so.

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Origami531 − I don't think AITAH even fits here. I don't have children because of how young I am, but I would never let children near a s** offender.

youdontask − PROTECT YOUR CHILD FIRST AND FOREMOST.. SECOND ....cut ties until you mother makes the effort to protect her grandchild. I worked for a major toy manufacturing company in a branch that dealt with children. One evening, my children (4 daughters) were out doing their thing and the wife and I ordered pizza for a quiet night in.

Then... Knock knock knock. I open the door and there stands a man... I was thinking pizza was there... He introduced himself as Detective Baxter of the blank blank county sheriff's department and asked if he could come in to discuss an investigation he was in the middle of.

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We had nothing to hide and as soon as I said yes sir, please come in, 3 deputies came from around the house and 2 entered with him, 1 remained on the front door. He sat us down and began to ask questions about people having access to our internet...

(Back story... My #2 daughter played travel softball and I helped coach the team. Her coach and his wife were splitting up so we let him move into the mother in law apartment in our basement.). Now the rest of the story... Det. Baxter asked me if I had a computer and so I said of course. We homeschooled our kids and it was in the kitchen.

At this time he handed me a search warrant and asked to point out any computers in our house. So they took the kitchen one, my work laptop, and my 2 oldest daughters laptops to the kitchen table and removed the hard drives and put them into another computer another officer had. He looked thru them and told the main detective they were clean.

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They then took mine and the wives phones and looked into them...still negative. It was then that it hit me. I said, my friend, Ed, lived in our basement and he had a laptop that I helped set up into our system. Three cops flew downstairs and found Ed asleep and took his laptop. They pulled the hard drive out and plugged it in and I heard their machine begin to ping.... Probably 50 times.

By now, Ed was dressed and sitting on the couch near the wife and I. The detective asked him if anyone else had access to his computer and he said me and my #2 daughter as he kept getting kicked off line and we setup his internet. The detective said, sir, you've already told me that, looking at me, as the pizza arrived. They were nice and took care of it for the wife and I.

My #2, #3 and #4 daughters walked in and they segregated them from us. He asked #2 about working on his computer and she said only to setup the internet. They then arrested Ed and removed him from the house. Several more detectives were now home speaking to my daughters with me and the wife present.

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Before talking to them they informed the wife and I that he had 500+ images of child porn on his drive, some as young as 3 years old. They questioned my girls if he had ever done anything towards or to them and when satisfied he hadn't, they explained everything to the wife and I. Evidently he had been trading pictures with this detective for over a year and they couldn't catch him.

All the photos were tagged and that was the pinging I heard . It was when I gave him a static IP at our house, they were finally able to get to him. He denied all culpability but as the detective said, he opened several of the photos many many times and traded them back and forth. I was devastated.... My family and I couldn't believe it. This man, was like a father figure to many girls.

He worked hard and made sure our teams were always capable. Every girl from the ball teams were questioned about inappropriate conduct and there was none which I was so thankful for. I had to make a call to my corporate HR department to discuss having a child predator living in my basement.

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The one thing that saved my ass was the detective was also on the call and explained the circumstances and that I was 'clean' and not at all involved in any way at all. I would have been fired on the spot for just mere association had it not been for the detective standing up for me. The guy was convicted and went to jail.

His kids came and boxed up his things and just sat in my living room and cried. They lost their father and the grandfather of their children. I saw him one time since when he came to the house and got his things. He apologized to me for everything and cried as he was leaving. He knew he fucked up.

The police were there and made sure my children were away at the pool while he was there. I have not seen or spoken to him in 15 years. THE END! I'm just saying .. you never know. We were completely blindsided. PROTECT YOUR CHILD!!!!! Do not give in to your mom.... Getting blindsided is just part of it..

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These Redditors are serving up raw perspectives, but are they grounded, or just fueling the fire?

This parent’s story is a heart-wrenching dance of love, fear, and family ties, with a child’s safety hanging in the balance. The mother’s bond with a s** offender roommate forces a tough call: protect the daughter or preserve the relationship. Can they find a middle ground, or is distance the only answer? What would you do if a family member’s choice put your child at risk? Drop your stories, advice, or reactions in the comments—let’s unpack this together!

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