AITA for refusing to talk things out with my ex after I broke up with her for trying to befriend my estranged brother and pushing me to reconcile with him?

Imagine a 25-year-old guy, finally free from a childhood shadowed by his brother’s relentless cruelty, only to find his girlfriend of three years poking at that old wound. Travis, the estranged brother, was a master of torment—mocking stutters, orchestrating prom humiliations, and wishing his younger sibling unborn. When Emily, the girlfriend, secretly befriends Travis and pushes for a family reunion, the betrayal stings like salt in a cut. His response? A swift breakup and a hard no to her pleas for reconciliation. Was he too harsh, or just guarding his peace?

This Reddit saga unravels the raw tension of past trauma clashing with present relationships. The OP’s decision to cut ties with Emily, who ignored his boundaries, has sparked a firestorm of opinions. It’s a tale of loyalty, trust, and the fierce instinct to protect oneself from those who don’t respect your scars.

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‘AITA for refusing to talk things out with my ex after I broke up with her for trying to befriend my estranged brother and pushing me to reconcile with him?’

I (25M) was with my ex Emily (24F) for 3 years. We broke up two months ago. Or I broke up with her two months to give full transparency. Even before we got together Emily knew I was estranged from my brother Travis (28M).

Growing up with Travis was rough. I don't know for sure why he hated me but it was always that way. Our parents were constantly on him as a kid for not treating me with civility at a minimum. They did so much to try and make his treatment of me better until eventually they kept us apart as much as they could.

I know it broke their hearts but Travis went out of his way to say cruel things about me. From mocking how I spoke with my stutter, to making fun of the fact I was bullied at school and saying I deserved it for being f**king dumb, to telling me everyone's life was better when I wasn't born and how he'd go back and stop our parents from having me if he could.

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Travis hated me more when he was punished. He blamed me for getting him in trouble with mom and dad. He wouldn't work on those issues with therapists either. Mom and dad must have tried dozens and some were family therapists. Travis was so stubborn.

He went as far as getting his friend's sister to ask me to prom and say she liked me and stuff and then mock me during prom. He knew I had a crush on her and she went along with it because he bought her alcohol or something. Travis wasn't as welcome at home after that.

Mom and dad were pissed he'd go so far when he was supposedly an adult now. Even if he was a younger adult. Our lives have been totally separate since and Emily knew this. We talked about it and what I went through.

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Then six months ago, after she started getting closer to my family, she started talking more about Travis and then she told me she had gotten his contact info off a family member and was trying to befriend him. She told me he was family and we should all work things out.

I told her I did not like her doing that and it felt like she was stabbing me in the back. She told me she should be allowed to form her own relationships. But she didn't stop there. She was talking with Travis some. Though he wasn't very responsive to her.

So she pushed me hard to reconcile with him and after she refused to stop and she made it clear she wanted to be his friend and have him in our lives I told her I was not staying in this relationship. She didn't think I'd actually break up with her. But I did. I took my stuff from her place and gave her stuff at my place back and I cut ties with her.

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And I thanked my lucky stars we hadn't moved in together yet. She tried to contact me but I ignored her and I avoided places where I might run into her. She tried to reach out via friends and I told them they could leave it alone because there was no coming back.

She got one mutual friend to tell me over and over how she didn't want to end our relationship and she wanted us to talk it out and figure out a way to move forward together. I told that friend that she didn't need to be her messenger and I was not interested in hearing what she has to say.

Then she showed up on a night out and tried talking to me and I told her to leave me alone. She told me we needed to speak and to please hear her out and that she was trying super hard. That one mutual friend told me I was being an ass and I should give Emily a chance to work on this.

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That I was already being a stubborn ass by wanting her to not talk to people because I didn't like them. And she said it didn't matter what Travis did to me. That Emily was allowed to want to talk to him. She said I sabotaged me and Emily by throwing up so many roadblocks. And not letting Emily talk now was trying to punish her when she wasn't wrong.. AITA?

Breaking up over a partner’s boundary violation is like slamming the brakes on a car veering off course. The OP’s estrangement from Travis wasn’t a petty grudge—it was a shield against years of abuse, from verbal cruelty to orchestrated humiliations. Emily’s choice to befriend Travis and push for reconciliation wasn’t just a misstep; it was a betrayal of trust. Her persistence post-breakup, roping in mutual friends, only deepens the wound.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a trauma expert, writes in Psychology Today, “Respecting boundaries is critical for healing from trauma.” The OP’s clear stance against contact with Travis aligns with this, as a 2022 study in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that 70% of individuals with sibling abuse histories benefit from no-contact boundaries. Emily’s actions, however well-intentioned, dismissed the OP’s lived experience, prioritizing her own vision of family unity.

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Dr. van der Kolk advises, “Partners must validate trauma, not challenge it.” The OP could block Emily and her allies to reinforce his boundaries, perhaps seeking therapy to process lingering guilt. Emily’s refusal to respect his no-contact stance mirrors Travis’s past dismissiveness, making the breakup a necessary act of self-preservation. For others facing similar pressures, clear communication and firm limits are key to maintaining trust.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit swooped in like a protective posse, dishing out support with a side of snark. They rallied behind the OP, slamming Emily’s boundary-stomping and the mutual friend’s meddling. From calls for restraining orders to predictions of Travis’s next move, the comments were a spicy blend of empathy and outrage. Here’s the unfiltered Reddit roar:

WTH_JFG − NTA. You may need to get a restraining order to get rid of Emily. No means no. “No Travis” means no Travis is not going to be a part of your life. No you do not want to see Travis. No you do not want to have a friendship with Travis. No. No means no. No Emily, means no we are not in a relationship anymore. No I do not want to see you. No I do not want to be friends.

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The friends that are taking Emily’s side, are not your friends. Frankly, it is none of their business what is happening in your relationship with Emily. They do not have accurate information. It is OK to tell them that without giving them accurate information. No one is entitled to that information if you choose not to share it.. No means no.

lanst0n3 − NTA. I'd tell that one mutual friend that she's no longer a mutual friend and she can mind her own business too.

Fearless-Speech-1131 − LoL.. you know what's gonna happen, right? Your brother's gonna f**k her, ghost her and then find a way to let you know that he screwed your girl.. She's dumb and will absolutely deserve it

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Sparrow_hawk1997 − There's a difference between not talking to someone because you don't like them vs you don't talk to them because they were ABUSIVE.. NTA.

dalealace − NTA. Emily trampled all over your boundaries by talking to Travis and trying to force you to speak. Then she trampled them all over again in not respecting your wishes to not be contacted. Also your friend is a drip. She can’t work on this because she’s too fixated on her own delusional ideas to care about your feelings and sees nothing wrong with her behavior.

MorticianMolly − So this chick not only wanted to change and control you, she’s dragging other people into your relationship because she thinks she knows better and can fix the situation, one of which she has little to no knowledge about.. Block everyone and enjoy your drama free summer 😁

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Cute-Profession9983 − That mutual friend is HER friend. You know who was being a stubborn ass? Your ex. Sure, she can be friends with who she wants to be friends with, but when she wants to be friends with your bully, she's the one with her head up her ass.

hayleychicky − If someone is your partner, it only works if you're a team. Teams don't trounce over each other's clear boundaries. My husband has an estranged brother. Have I tried Googling him once or twice? Yes. With my husband sitting right next to me after we were just talking about him together.

If he ever contacted me, the first thing I would do would be ask my husband how he wishes me to proceed. Then I would do EXACTLY WHAT HE ASKED!!!. It's your family, your childhood trauma, YOUR DECISION.. NTA, but you're ex sure is! You owe her NOTHING!

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tigerofjiangdong1337 − NTA my brother is a narcissistic entitled ah who has bipolar. He made my teenage years unbearable, treated my parents like garbage.. Bad mouthed my wife and I told him to f himself. I blocked him for years

Then Mom begged us to reconcile so we were LC. Mom died and he doesn't visit dad for several years. Dad leaves him a large inheritance. Immediately after the funeral he bad mouths dad and demands part of my inheritance. I blocked him for good. If my wife did this I would be unable to trust her and we have been married for 15 years.. My wife respects my boundaries and has my back. Block the ex and the so called friend.

CuteDreamgirl212 − NTA and here's why: I had an ex who pulled this exact stunt with my estranged sister. Turned out he was feeding her information about my life for months. These boundaries exist for a reason, and your ex completely disregarded them.

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These Redditors didn’t hold back, cheering the OP’s resolve while torching Emily’s choices. But do their fiery takes capture the full weight of this breakup drama, or are they just fanning the flames? One thing’s clear: this story’s got everyone picking sides.

The OP’s breakup with Emily wasn’t just about a single act—it was a stand against reliving old traumas. By choosing himself over a partner who ignored his pain, he’s rewriting his story on his terms. Emily’s persistence, though desperate, only underscores why trust broke. This tale reminds us that boundaries aren’t walls—they’re lifelines. Have you ever had to cut ties to protect your peace? Drop your thoughts—let’s keep the convo rolling!

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