AITA for refusing to take my low functioning sister out with me and my other sister?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine an 18-year-old, keys to their first car jingling, plotting a weekend escape with their 15-year-old sister to mend a bond frayed by years of family chaos. The house they’re fleeing? A whirlwind of caregiving for their high-needs sister, whose demands have often left them feeling like shadows in their own home. This trip was meant to be a lifeline, a chance to reconnect and break the cycle of isolation. But when their parents nudge—more like guilt-trip—them to include their other sister, the plan teeters on collapse.

This Reddit saga pulls back the curtain on a family stretched thin by love and obligation. The OP, caught between their own needs and parental expectations, stands firm on a boundary that’s sparked a firestorm. It’s a tale of loyalty, sacrifice, and the quiet rebellion of two siblings craving a moment to just be themselves. Was their choice selfish, or a long-overdue stand?

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‘AITA for refusing to take my low functioning sister out with me and my other sister?’

I’ll keep this short. I'm 18 with two sisters, 'Missy' (15f) and 'Macy' (19f). Macy is high needs, having a 4-year-old's mindset, needing help 24/7. Growing up, I often felt like I was an afterthought, but I get my parents were just dealing with the cards they were given.

Missy is usually super independent but has started shutting everyone out, kind of like I used to. She's like two different people - outgoing at school, quiet and to herself at home. So, I've been trying to take her out more, break the chain as best I can.

Now, Missy and I planned this weekend trip to celebrate me snagging my first car. We both saved up, and my parents were totally cool with it. So I let them know and my mom asks if Macy could join. I shut that down real quick.

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Macy's not a fan of trips, especially long ones, and the whole point was for me and Missy to have some quality time. My mom agreed reluctantly, but my dad later pulls me aside, saying it's their chance for a night alone, and it's a way for me to show appreciation. That one night wouldn’t ruin our lives.

Now I'm stuck. I feel super s**tty for not wanting to take Macy but at the same time how is it fair to me and missy? I just need some unbiased opinions AITA?. Edit- wording Update one: a lot of you are asking the same question so I’ll go ahead and try to answer them all.

Yes Macy does have a care giver all week during the daytime, while everyone is at work/school. I also spend time with Macy, the same I do with Missy. We watch movies, read, books, we color, and etc. I definitely will tell them that I am NOT bringing Macy on our trip and is a nonnegotiable and tell them that maybe I could watch her for weekend while they do whatever.

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I guess when he said “appreciation” he was referring to going half of my car. I will also tell them that I do not plan to take care of Macy when they get older/ pass way and they need to start looking for somewhere for her to go. Definitely will bring up the years worth of n**lect and how sooner or later, they will lose both of their daughters.

I really appreciate everyone’s advice in the comments it made me feel less alone. I definitely will be showing them the comments. I’ll also do an update post either after the conversation or after our trip, depending how it goes!

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

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Planning a sibling getaway shouldn’t feel like defusing a bomb, but for the OP, it’s exactly that. Their refusal to include Macy, who requires constant care, isn’t about rejection—it’s about carving out space for Missy, who’s retreating into silence at home. The parents’ push for Macy’s inclusion, cloaked in “appreciation” guilt, smells like burnout talking. They’re juggling a lot, but leaning on an 18-year-old to play caregiver is a misstep.

Dr. Ellen Walker, a clinical psychologist, writes in Psychology Today, “Siblings of disabled children often feel overlooked, leading to resentment or withdrawal.” Missy’s dual persona—vibrant at school, muted at home—screams this truth. A 2021 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that 70% of “glass children” (siblings of high-needs kids) report feeling neglected, which aligns with the OP’s and Missy’s experiences. Forcing Macy into the trip risks alienating Missy further.

Dr. Walker advises, “Validate siblings’ needs for individual attention.” The OP’s instinct to prioritize Missy is spot-on, breaking the cycle of neglect they both endured. Their offer to watch Macy another time is a fair compromise, not a blank check for future caregiving. Parents need to explore respite care—many regions offer subsidized programs for families like theirs. Standing firm now sets a precedent for healthy boundaries, ensuring the OP and Missy aren’t forever tethered to Macy’s needs

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Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit swooped in like a rowdy book club, dishing out support with a side of sass. They cheered the OP’s resolve, with many calling out the parents’ guilt-trip as a low blow. From respite care tips to blunt reality checks, the comments were a lively mix of empathy and tough love. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

Consistent-Leopard71 − NTA. If your parents would like a night alone, then they need to hire someone (qualified to meet Macy's needs) and then have their time alone. This trip is an opportunity for you and Missy to have time together and get a break from being glass children. INFO: Have your parents made arrangements for Macy's care once they are unable to care for her?

be1izabeth0908 − NTA. Have your parents shown any concern for Missy? You’re a very sweet sibling. Macy is not your child and it doesn’t seem like something she would enjoy. Your dad is being selfish.. Edit to change “sister” to “sibling.” I thought OP specified they were F too until a re-read.

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LowBalance4404 − NTA and let them know that. You felt neglected and you see the same signs in your baby sister. You are doing their job for them by paying additional attention to Missy. If they want alone time, they can get a sitter for Macy. Raising Macy isn't your job.

AngelaMoore44 − Can you plan a night where you spend the night and your parents can go out for the evening and stay at a hotel for a mini one night vacation? That way your sister doesn't have to leave the house but your parents can have a much needed couple break.

KingBretwald − NTA. Dad doesn't get to horn in on your plans with Missy. Nope. This is a trip the two of you planned. Do not feel guilty! He's the parent. Shame on him for the emotional manipulation! Having Macy go with you would be terrible for her as well!

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Does respite care exist where you live? Your parents should look into that. In addition to someone looking after Macy while they have an evening out without any kids, they could maybe arrange for a couple of days and just the four of you could have some time together.

What do they plan to do in the future? There's going to come a time in three short years when both you and Missy are living elsewhere. Macy should be eligible for help from government agencies, and that usually includes group homes, respite care, and in home care.

let_me_use_reddit − NTA whatsoever. You are 18. Missy is 15. It won't feel like it right now but you are so young. Too young to be shouldered with this type of guilt. It sounds like you're extremely emotionally intelligent and picking up on not only 1) how you've been affected by the situation but 2) how your sister might be feeling, even though she hasn't said it,

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and even though your parents seemingly haven't noticed. I wouldn't second-guess your own judgement here, I reckon you're bang on. It also sounds like your parents need a dose of reality but I suspect they're tired. People say and do some weird things when they're over-tired and emotionally exhausted.

That said, I really don't like the manipulation of 'it's a way to show your appreciation' – to pull out a quote my own Mum said to me once 'you didn't ask to be born'. If you can I'd stand your ground but be very honest with them about why it's important you do what you get to do. It's not just a jolly. I think they need to understand that bit.

Successful_Bath1200 − NTA. Macy is your parents responsibility. it is unfair of your father to pull this stunt. I appreciate they probably need a night off, but he shouldn't have ambushed your road trip to spend some quality time with your sister Missy

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McXaven − NTA you're entire life Macy has been their priority. Where's *your* rest? They had possibly 20+ years without Macy being the focal point at home depending how old they are, but your entire home life has most likely been about Macy because of how close in age you are.. Set a standard NOW before you get walked over for Macy your entire life, be as selfish as needed.

embopbopbopdoowop − NTA. They need to organise their own nights alone, not expect you to change your plans so they can get one. And the “show appreciation” jab, oof. Not cool, dad. “Dad, this weekend is about me and Missy and we’ve been planning it for ages. We won’t be changing it. If you’d like me to watch Macy and Missy another time while you take mom out for a date, let’s chat dates and options.”

SushiGuacDNA − NTA. You planned this trip in order help 'break the chain' of how she is retreating from the family. I love this! I mean, a low-functioning sibling can make it very difficult on the other siblings, and this trip feels like it was planned to help cement your relationship with your sister as you both move into independent adulthood.

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And now your parents want to trash it. I know that sounds harsh, but Macy is probably **the reason** that your sister retreats at home, the barrier to the two of you having space to connect. I also grew up with a low-functioning sibling, so I have some experience here.

My brother and I didn't really build a friendship until we were both off to college. I think it would be awesome if you could *occasionally* (rarely) watch Macy to give your parents a break, but I think it's horrible that they are trying to hijack your special 'sisters weekend'.

These Redditors laid it bare, rallying for the OP’s right to a Macy-free trip. But are they fanning the flames of rebellion, or just calling it like it is? Either way, this sibling saga’s got everyone buzzing.

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The OP’s story is a gritty glimpse into the tug-of-war between family duty and personal freedom. By choosing Missy over Macy, they’re not dismissing their sister—they’re fighting for a bond that’s been sidelined too long. It’s a bold move in a family where love comes with heavy strings. The road ahead means tough talks with their parents, but for now, they’re holding the line. What would you do if you had to balance family obligation with your own needs? Drop your thoughts—let’s keep the convo rolling!

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] AITA for refusing to take my low functioning sister out with me and my other sister?

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