AITA for refusing to split costs equally with a friend who makes a lot more than me?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture two lifelong friends, planning a dream girls’ trip to Europe, only for the budget to become a battleground. One, flush with tech cash, books 4-star hotels and private tours, expecting a 50/50 split. The other, newly comfortable but wary of splurging, pushes for cheaper digs and street food, refusing to foot half the lavish bill. The clash leaves one friend accused of “pretending to be poor” and the other fuming over entitlement. Was this a fair stand for financial freedom, or a stingy snub?

This Reddit tale unpacks the thorny issue of money in friendships. The OP’s pushback against her friend Carly’s extravagant plans, rooted in years of strained 50/50 splits, has sparked a debate about fairness and values. It’s a story of budgets, boundaries, and the cost of keeping friends close.

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‘AITA for refusing to split costs equally with a friend who makes a lot more than me?’

I (29F) have been friends with 'Carly' (30F) since high school. We’ve always been really close, but money was always kind of a sore spot. She’s been in a high-paying tech job for years, and I’ve always worked more modest jobs in non-profits.

Whenever we’d travel together, eat out, or go to events, we’d always 'split' everything 50/50, even though it honestly hurt my budget. I didn’t complain, but it definitely caused some resentment on my side. This past year, though, things changed.

I got a better job (finally making over $90k), plus I hit a good parlay from $20 to $13,500 on Stake come in which added to my savings. I’m not rich by any means, but I’m way more comfortable now. Here’s where I might be the a**hole: Carly recently suggested a girls’ trip to Europe.

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She picked all the hotels (4-star, expensive ones), fancy dinners, private tours, the works. She assumed we’d split everything 50/50, like we always have. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that this time. I said if we were going to do a big trip, I’d want to do it my way, cheaper hotels, some street food, fewer paid tours.

I could afford the fancy version now... but honestly, it feels wasteful to me, and I don’t want to get trapped in this lifestyle creep. Carly accused me of 'pretending to still be poor' and trying to cheap out. She said that now that I’m doing better, I should act like it. A few of our mutual friends kind of agree with her - they think I should just 'live a little' and split things like always.

Money disputes among friends are like weeds in a garden—left unchecked, they choke out the roots. The OP’s refusal to split Carly’s extravagant trip costs equally isn’t about penny-pinching; it’s about asserting her right to spend within her values. Carly’s unilateral planning and expectation of a 50/50 split, despite knowing the OP’s modest background, smacks of entitlement. The OP’s past silence during financially strained splits fueled resentment, but her newfound stability gave her the courage to speak up.

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Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, writes in Psychology Today, “Financial disparities require open dialogue to maintain trust.” A 2023 study in the Journal of Consumer Culture found that 60% of friendships strain under unequal spending expectations, especially during group travel. Carly’s dismissal of the OP’s budget-friendly preferences mirrors this, ignoring mutual decision-making.

Dr. Levine advises, “Negotiate shared expenses collaboratively.” The OP could propose a compromise—split costs for a mid-range trip both can enjoy—or opt out entirely, preserving her savings and sanity. Carly’s accusation of “pretending to be poor” is a guilt trip, not a friendship flex. The OP’s stand is a step toward equity, and she should hold firm, perhaps addressing mutual friends to clarify her stance.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit swung in like a budget travel guide, offering a mix of cheers and critiques. Some backed the OP’s right to set her spending limits, while others called her out for past resentment over fair splits. From tips to say “no” to shade at Carly’s lavish picks, the comments were a lively blend of support and tough love. Here’s the unfiltered Reddit buzz:

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Montenegirl − You don't have to go on that trip. Honestly, what tf is with people who literally plan everything and then are like 'Why aren't you going?'. You told her your conditions. If she isn't ready to meet you halfway, then no is an appropriate answer. You could have as much money as Jeff Besos, still doesn't condition you into staying in 4 star hotels

tracygee − Splitting everything 50/50 is the right move. But that means the two of you should be selecting the hotels, restaurants etc on what *both* of you are comfortable paying.. You agreed to go on those other trips. Not sure why you’re complaining now. You could have said no. And if you don’t want to pay for a luxury trip this time — say no. Plan your own trip with the amount you are comfortable spending.

Necessary-Couple-535 − She doesn't get to spend your money.. NTA.

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Terrible_Example_983 − I don’t think anyone is the a**hole here, but the planning should have been done together and sometimes the more “poor people” things end up more fun than the wealthy things. You’re doing better, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend more than you want to. If she wants to go on expensive girls trips she can take a girl who feels more like her about spending, not guilt someone who doesn’t.

BulbasaurRanch − Gonna go with YTA because your attitude, and attitude only.. All you had to say was “won’t be able to attend this planned trip, it’s outside my budget” The rest of this, where you think she should’ve been paying for you because she makes more, that’s gross and entitlement.. It “caused resentment” that you had to pay your fair share? Ha, a**hole mindset.

judgingA-holes − NTA - For saying what you're comfortable with doing and spending on your vacation. INFO: I have to ask though.... why is it that you didn't speak up until you started making more that you wanted to do something cheaper?

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Why didn't you bring this up when you were making less and it was actually hurting you? Or was she doing more reasonably priced vacations then, you just thought because she made more so you shouldn't have had to split 50/50?

donutforget168 − It's very strange to expect your friend to cover for you when doing activities with you. You're supposed to decline invitations when you can't afford them, not get angry and resentful when someone won't pay for you .YTA because you're clearly doing this as some sort of weird revenge when you could have asked her to do cheaper arrangements when you actually were financially struggling 

ricosabre − There are 2 different issues here:. \- Expensive vs cheap hotels, restaurants, etc.. \- Whether someone who makes more $$ should pick up more of the cost of the hotels, restaurants, etc.

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If you're asking whether you are TA for trying to manage the overall cost of the trip down to your comfort level -- as long as you are being upfront and polite about it, NTA. If you're asking whether you are TA for expecting the people who make more $$ to bear more of the cost of the trip -- YTA.

thisisstupid- − When people are paying 50-50 on a vacation then they both have to have input on planning it, you don’t get to book the most expensive things and then just expect somebody else to help pay the bill. NTA

El_Culero_Magnifico − You just need to learn to say no. No need for lengthy explanations, that only opens you up to endless negotiations, I can’t blame Carly for wanting to travel in a luxurious manner,if she has the dough to do it. Her expectations for you to spend like her is unreasonable, just because you now have a better job.

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And its dickish of her to try to shame you into joining her on a trip that she has made too expensive through her choices. It sucks for her that her friends don’t share the same values, but that is her problem, not yours. Just tell her no- end of. As for the friends who have weighed in , they should back the f**k off. NTA

These Redditors didn’t skimp on opinions, rallying for the OP’s autonomy while dissecting the friendship’s cracks. But do their takes capture the full cost of this travel tiff, or are they just packing extra baggage? One thing’s clear: this story’s got everyone booking sides.

The OP’s refusal to bankroll Carly’s luxury trip isn’t about stinginess—it’s about reclaiming her financial voice in a friendship skewed by money. Carly’s push for a 50/50 split, without shared planning, turned a dream trip into a dealbreaker. This saga reminds us that friendships thrive on mutual respect, not matching bank accounts. Have you ever clashed with a friend over cash? Drop your story—let’s keep the convo traveling!

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