AITA for refusing to provide support to my sister after her divorce?

A family home hums with unease as a sister, reeling from divorce, seeks solace. Yet, her sibling, unmoved, skims past her emotional Facebook posts. The catch? Her marriage imploded due to her own affair, a betrayal the OP deems unforgivable, unworthy of their comfort.

This Reddit AITA post unravels a knotty family clash, pitting loyalty against judgment. Readers are hooked, questioning if the OP’s icy stance is harsh or a justified response to betrayal.

‘AITA for refusing to provide support to my sister after her divorce?’

My sister got divorced and is a wreck, she moved back in with my parents and I still live in the same city. My parents have been asking me to visit a lot and emotionally support her and show her how we're all a family doing it. Well I don't want to. The whole reason for the divorce is an affair that SHE had and was totally responsible for.

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This is a self inflicted wound and it's her ex-husband that's the victim, not her. I tend to be aloof to her, often ignore her and just scroll past her Facebook posts when she's talking about how she feels. She completely brought this on herself.. Is this cruel or just?

Infidelity can fracture more than a marriage—it strains family ties. The OP’s refusal to support their sister reflects disapproval of her affair, but it also risks deepening a sibling rift.Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, states in a HuffPost article, “Infidelity often ripples beyond the couple, straining family relationships as trust erodes” (source). The OP’s distance mirrors this, choosing principle over family unity. The sister, however, may be grappling with guilt, seeking support to rebuild.

This connects to a wider issue: family dynamics post-betrayal. A 2022 Family Relations study found 68% of siblings reduce contact after moral breaches like cheating (source). The OP’s stance fits this pattern, though it may hinder future reconciliation. Experts suggest balancing boundaries with empathy. The OP could engage minimally, like attending family events, without condoning the affair.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit dished out bold takes, from fiery support to nuanced pleas for empathy. Here’s the community’s unfiltered voice:

cocka_mouse − NTA. I have no sympathy for cheaters. The divorce is a direct result of a s**tty choice she made.

tinyahjumma − NTA. But...this is your family. Is there any way you can express your love for her without expressing your approval for how she behaved? I’ve had family members to ridiculous and maybe bad things. I’m sure I’ve done ridiculous and bad things in my life. But my family members show care even when we don’t approve.

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Unless your sister is a narcissist, she feels incredible guilt and pain. You don’t have to approve of what she did while giving her support. EDIT: lots of push back on my “this is your family” statement. I wasn’t saying anything about obligation, I meant “this is your family so I presume you care for her.” I still love my siblings even when/if the s**ew up. Thank goodness they still love me when/if I s**ew up.

vodka_philosophy − NTA. Actions have consequences, and she's not entitled to you coddling her while she faces hers.

NoiseProvesNothing − Nobody ever knows everything about someone else's relationship. The 'facts' that are observable to others from the outside can give a very different picture than the messy stuff that's less able to be labelled, quantified, and shared. Nobody else has lived the relationship. In almost every relationship breakdown, both parties contributed to that.

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The 'final straw' may clearly be one person's action, but guaranteed there are hundreds of other actions, from both parties, that got them to that point. Almost never is a breakdown totally one person's fault - regardless of what you have seen or think you know. You don't say how you feel about your sister generally or what your relationship was prior to the divorce.

If you genuinely feel that you cannot be a brother to her, then it's probably better to stay away. That doesn't mean that you have to agree with what she did - she may have completely overreacted to something and made a seriously bad decision and you don't need to understand or condone it. But can you do activities together?

Help her rebuild a life through going with her to view places to stay, etc? You still seem really upset about an event that must have happened months ago (the divorce has gone through). I'm wondering why you haven't gotten to the 'man, you sure screwed up, sis, but I'm your brother and I'll help get you back on your feet' stage.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. She's looking for an echo chamber, you won't be able to provide that. Even if you could, you're still going to be hanging out with her 'just because'. That makes her - and anyone forcing you to do it - the a**hole.

FabulosoKoolAid − NTA. The whole situation probably could have been avoided if she wasn't a cheater.

[Reddit User] − NAH but I could never, ever treat my sister like that. I love her to death, and people make mistakes. You can be there for someone emotionally without validating or excusing their behavior. It sounds like you don't like your sister very much, so of course you're not obligated to support her in that case.

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chi_lawyer − [Text of original comment deleted for privacy purposes.]

Duckduckasshole − Tell her that the ex probably deserves more emotional support than her.

rouguebitch − NTA sista, I supported one of my sisters ex husbands when we were both in the same spot. (In love with the person cheating on us) My sister was the bad guy. We moved past it and have an awesome relationship now. If you can’t stomach her now just don’t force it. She is family though so if she gets better look to forgive if you can but never enable. Sisters make each other stronger.

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These opinions spark debate, but do they capture the full complexity of family?

This tale of a sibling’s firm stand against their sister’s post-affair struggles stirs up questions of forgiveness versus accountability. The OP’s choice to step back resonates with some, yet others see a chance for compassion missed. Have you faced a family member’s mistake that challenged your loyalty? What would you do here? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep the discussion alive!

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