AITA for refusing to pick up something I hate for my husband?

In this post, a 39-year-old wife explains why she refused to pick up a live lobster for her husband—a task she finds extremely unpleasant due to her deep dislike for seafood. Despite knowing that her husband loves seafood and had eagerly ordered a live lobster from a local fisherman, he later asked her to pick it up when he had to work.

Caught in the middle of a demanding work schedule with 10-12 hour days and still recovering from an injury, she firmly declined. This decision led to an argument, with her husband reacting angrily and even resorting to yelling. Now, with her husband giving her the silent treatment and their communication strained, she wonders if she was in the wrong for not doing a favor that, to her, seems both unreasonable and impractical.

‘AITA for refusing to pick up something I hate for my husband?’

Dr. Angela Rivera, a relationship and communication specialist, explains, “In any partnership, it’s important to understand that each person has unique preferences and boundaries. When one partner is asked to perform a task that goes against their deeply held aversions or significantly disrupts their routine, it can lead to significant stress.”

Dr. Rivera adds, “In this case, the wife’s refusal to pick up live seafood, which she finds repulsive and challenging to deal with—especially while working long hours and recovering from an injury—is entirely understandable. Her decision wasn’t made to undermine her husband’s desires but to protect her own well-being and maintain a functional balance in her daily life.”

She further notes that healthy communication involves both partners expressing their needs and negotiating responsibilities. “If the husband had been more willing to either handle the task himself or find a more equitable solution, the conflict might have been avoided. Instead, his reaction—yelling and giving silent treatment—suggests deeper issues with respect and shared responsibility,” Dr. Rivera concludes.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit users overwhelmingly support the wife’s decision. Many commenters argue that asking her to pick up a live lobster, knowing full well her aversion and current work commitments, is not just inconsiderate but downright disrespectful. Several users stress that it’s not acceptable for one partner to expect the other to compromise their well-being simply to fulfill a task that they find repugnant.

Others point out that her husband should be responsible for his own preferences, especially since he has a history of pushing her boundaries in similar situations. The prevailing sentiment among the community is that she is NTA, and her refusal was a reasonable assertion of her personal limits.

This incident brings up important questions about balancing personal boundaries with relationship obligations. Is it reasonable to expect a partner to perform a task that goes against their core aversions, especially when it disrupts their well-being and daily schedule? How do you navigate conflicts when one partner consistently pushes the other to compromise their comfort?

Have you ever experienced a situation where you had to firmly say no to a request that conflicted with your personal limits? We invite you to share your experiences and insights on managing household responsibilities in a way that respects both individual boundaries and relationship dynamics.