AITA for refusing to help my stepsister/getting her punished in an extracurricular I’m the assistant coach of?

A college freshman, fresh off a stellar high school run in a competitive extracurricular, steps into an assistant coach role, shaping young talent with pride. Her world, once filled with trophies and college scouts, now buzzes with new duties until a family twist stirs the pot. Her stepsister, a high school junior, chases the same spotlight, leaning hard on borrowed glory and big dreams.

Tangled family ties, only two years old, fray fast. The stepsister’s bold demands and a nasty outburst crash against the freshman’s firm stand on fairness. A group chat rant lands the teen in hot water, suspended from the team, and ignites a fiery clash at home. Buckle up for a tale of rivalry, rules, and raw family drama!

‘AITA for refusing to help my stepsister/getting her punished in an extracurricular I’m the assistant coach of?’

I’m going to be kind of vague in this post for privacy reasons, hope you can understand. I (18F) am a freshman at college right now. My stepsister (16F) is a junior in high school. We both did the same extracurricular in highschool.

I was the team president senior & junior year, and I spearheaded a lot of the new policies that allowed our team to develop into a nationally competitive school. Under this extracurricular are many different events, in event A I was nationally successful, and in event B I was internationally successful.

I was scouted by HYPMS schools for Event B. Event A is more popular in the US than Event B, and because I have a good reputation in the community, I privately coach people in Event A for $60/hr. This might seem excessive, but it’s an exhausting gig.

I’m also incredibly busy, since I’m a college freshman and I’m also still competing for my college in Event B. Since my school’s coach and I have a great relationship, I’ve been invited to work as an assistant coach for the team.

My responsibilities are only to spearhead the development of Event B in our area and on our team, as well as be an adult chaperone when he’s absent. My stepsister and I aren’t close, our parents got married only two years ago.

My dad’s wife doesn’t like me, and used to reprimand me whenever I beat my stepsister at competitions. My stepsister was just a d**k. She would bully the weak and cower from the strong. She’d make fun of teammates who were worse than her, but suck up to people better than her.

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She relied on my reputation to gain connections and clout. My stepsister is intent on going to the same school I’m at, and as such, wanted to be team president and nationally successful by junior year. She has yet to be considerably regionally successful.

My dad’s wife told her that if someone as lazy as I could be successful, she certainly could do much better than I did. My dad’s wife is insisting that I private coach my stepsister in Event A for free. I said I charge $60/hr and I’m all booked out right now.

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She says since I’m the team’s assistant coach I have a responsibility to help her, and I told her my job description had nothing to do with privately coaching any student in Event A, which would be unfair to everyone else. When team officers were announced, my stepsister got treasurer, not president.

A very qualified and kind girl who I specifically recommended for the job got president. My stepsister threw a tantrum about it.In our family group chat, she and her mom threw some incredibly disgusting insults at the girl who got president. My dad’s wife is a team parent so this behavior is especially concerning.

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I sent the screenshots of their rampage to the coach, who’s suspended her from club activities for three months, taken her off the roster for national tournaments this year, and revoked her treasurer position. Obviously my stepsister and her mom are furious. My dad’s wife even threatened my college tuition, which she doesn’t even pay for.

A young coach, riding high from extracurricular wins, faces a storm when her stepsister demands free lessons and a leg up. The teen’s bullying and tantrum lashing out at a deserving new president—clash with the coach’s duty to keep things fair. Family pressure from a stepmom amps up the heat, threatening a tangled mess.

Nepotism’s a sneaky beast in youth programs. A 2020 study by the National Association for College Admission Counseling notes fairness in leadership roles boosts team morale and growth. The stepsister’s bid to ride coattails and her outburst show entitlement, not effort, souring team spirit.

Psychologist Dr. Amy Cuddy, in her work on presence, states, “Authenticity means aligning your actions with your values, not others’ expectations”. Here, the coach stuck to her guns—no free rides, equal rules for all. Reporting the chat rant upheld team standards, even if family ties stung.

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Fairness wins out: coach all kids equally, no exceptions. Suspension teaches accountability teens grow from consequences. For family peace, a calm talk with dad might ease tension. Stay professional, lean on clear boundaries, and let merit shine growth follows for everyone.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit lands squarely behind the young coach. Users applaud her spine, cheering the refusal to bend rules for a pushy stepsister and calling out the stepmom’s entitled vibe.

Support flows for keeping things fair consequences fit the tantrum and insults. Voices urge a dad chat to curb toxicity, with sly nods to the stepsister’s “stupid games, stupid prizes” lesson. Professionalism rules the day.

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LunaKip − NTA. As an adult, you have to guard your reputation. Allowing your family to not only ride your coattails but damage your reputation with their shenanigans would not be a wise move. Demanding you coach someone for free, family or not, is rude and entitled.

burningblisters − NTA. You guys aren't really close and it would be unfair to coach her for free, it's okay that you want to charge her. Being your stepsister doesn't give her any privileges or advantages, if she wants to be President she should earn it herself.

Throwing tantrums and insulting those who do better than her is not the way to go, and punishing her was the right thing to do. Their coach has to know if she's being disrespectful towards others. Also, has your dad talked to his wife about the way she treats you? It's weird that she can say and do all those things and get away with it.

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rez2metrogirl − INFO: where’s your father in all of this?

ForcedAssault97 − NTA. I’d cut contact with your family for the toxicity alone. They’re extremely negative people and your dad obviously isn’t stepping up.

Ozen2510 − NTA, your step-sis seems to be spoiled and your step-mom is a witch, maybe you should have a chat with your dad on how you get treated by those 2. Men can be kinda dense in those situations.

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deadly_sunshine − NTA. Sounds like your stepsister needs to learn there are consequences for her behavior and both her and your dad’s wife need to drop the entitlement.

ejiciam − NTA, you treated your stepsister and stepmother as you’d treat any other student and parent. The fact that your stepmother expects nepotism from you shows that she’s not willing to put in the actual work or have her daughter put in the actual work.

She expects to have her daughter coast through life and be successful based purely on connections, which is wholly entitled. And concerning her banning due to foul language and attacking this other girl, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

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[Reddit User] − ESH. Here’s why: your 97% right, you went wrong in one area only. Would you have had access to that family group chat if you were not family? In other words, was it a private chat between family members? Imagine if you were not family and just some random assistant coach for a moment: would you have been able to see the messages?

If not, you shouldn’t have shared them with the coach in your role as assistant coach. He also should have refused to take them and to act on them. *It’s important to teach teenagers that HOW you got the evidence matters just as much as having the evidence.*

That’s how it works in court and in real adult life. You should have considered that and not shared those messages from a private family chat. But again, other than that mistake you were/are right!

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IvysaurousRex − NTA. Sorry your dad's wife and her daughter are so s**tty to you. You don't deserve that. I think you handled it well.

[Reddit User] − NTA they are really trying to use their (not great) relationship to curry favor - nepotism- you should stay professional and fair. If you saw texts from another student you would have also turned those in- just play by the books and don’t go out of your way to sabotage her nor help her.

A freshman coach held the line, denying her stepsister a free pass and reporting a nasty rant, landing a suspension amid family fallout. Fair play clashed with entitlement, testing bonds and team rules. Merit won, drama flared, and lessons lingered. What would you do caught between family and fairness? Share your takes, stories, or wisdom below—let’s dive into this spicy showdown together!

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