AITA For Refusing To Financially Support My Baby Mama?

A 54-year-old father of six, spread across four women and three continents, just drew a hard line with his ex: no cash for her new son. Then, in a twist that stunned everyone, he pulled the plug on his own teenage daughter’s allowance to spite her mom.

The phone rang out of nowhere—Abby, the partner he once cheated on, now broke and furious, demanding “fairness” for a 12-year-old who shares zero DNA with him. One refusal later, a family war erupted, leaving a 16-year-old girl caught in the crossfire.

‘AITA For Refusing To Financially Support My Baby Mama?’

It all starts with OP mapping out his sprawling family tree, from a young marriage in France to fresh starts across the ocean:

I (54M) am married to Liv (46F). We have a daughter (6) and have been together for 12 years. Liv is my 2nd wife. I married my first wife, Anna...

We have 2 children, Sofia (30F) and Matteo (27M). Anna and I were married for 8 years and had an amicable divorce, and I am on good terms with both...

Years later, life in America brought Abby into the picture—five years, two kids, and one devastating affair that birthed another child elsewhere:

I then moved to the US, where I met Abby (48F). We were together for 5 years (not married) with 2 children, Jake (20M) and Leah (16F). I cheated on...

Harper and I stayed together for 2 years but we eventually amicably split up. I moved back to Europe so I bought them a house as well as providing financial...

The fallout with Abby was brutal—she banned him from daily life, and he barely pushed back, settling instead for tuition and gifts:

My split with Abby was messy. Abby told me she didn’t want me in our children’s lives, and I didn’t fight her very hard on it. I keep in touch...

I also give them both a generous allowance and expensive gifts for b-days and X-mas. I'm aware it’s a poor substitute for a father. After we split, Abby married Cole(51M)...

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They aren’t mistreated by any means, and from what I can tell, they like their stepfather well enough, but if there is an argument between Ryan and either one of...

Money habits finally caught up—Abby’s spending spiraled, bills piled high, and she started leaning on the kids for help:

Abby's always been a reckless spender. Now Abby and Cole are struggling financially, and she has asked my kids to chip in. I have more than enough money so I...

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Then came the call that lit the fuse—Abby raging after Jake refused to cover the mortgage, followed by an ultimatum no one saw coming:

Abby called me up out of the blue a few weeks ago, and this is where I might be the AH. She fought with Jake when he refused to use...

She then demanded that I give Ryan an allowance as well as Jake and Leah. She told me that I wasn’t allowed to financially support Jake & Leah without also...

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I told her to F off and that I’m not going to stop supporting my kids just because she can't support her own. I told her that I'll still pay...

Both of Abby’s parents called me to say I'm an AH for not stepping up and helping my kids, and Cole also called to scream at me.. I had to...

This isn’t just about one phone call—it’s the climax of decades of fractured parenting. OP admits money can’t replace presence, yet his solution to Abby’s greed was to punish Leah, dragging a teenager into an adult vendetta she didn’t start.

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Abby’s demand for Ryan’s inclusion reeks of opportunism, using sibling emotions as leverage to fix her own mess. But society doesn’t let serial absent fathers off the hook—six kids, multiple abandonments, and a trail of broken trust weigh heavily against any claim of victimhood.

Dr. John Gottman, renowned relationship expert and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, warns that post-divorce conflict must never override a child’s stability. “Pay directly, communicate clearly, and show up—emotionally and logistically,” he advises. OP should route all funds through schools or secured accounts, offer Leah an escape plan, and schedule consistent contact.

Therapy isn’t optional—it’s urgent. OP’s pattern of fleeting commitments and unplanned families screams unresolved issues. Until he confronts that, every financial gesture remains a band-aid on a gaping wound.

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Check out how the community responded:

The internet erupted—shock, sarcasm, and brutal honesty poured in, with nearly every commenter fixating on OP’s wild family history before weighing in on the Ryan drama.

Many went straight for the jugular, calling out his serial baby-making and lack of commitment:

Cursd818 − OK. You're definitely an AH for impregnating four different women without sticking around to actually raise any of the children. That's unacceptable. Acknowledging that it's unacceptable isn't enough....

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But you owe your ex nothing for the child she had long after you split. Call your daughter and ask her what she needs. Do not just abandon her to...

Don't send money for school, either. Pay the school directly. Maybe pay for an apartment if your daughter needs to get out of the house, or offer to bring her...

Don't just wash your hands of her needs and care, no matter the harassment her mother is giving you. But also, don't give the mother a penny. Her kid has...

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ckptry − Well YTA because I imagine Abby can still sue you for back and current child support for Leah, you’re responsible for more than schooling. Also I have two...

Disastrous-Nail-640 − Dude. Stop having kids. You’re a mess.

[Reddit User] − Your post makes me so grateful not to be you, not to have been impregnated by you, and not to be one of your kids.

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Comfortable-Focus123 − What the hell did I just read? YTA for not getting a vasectomy.

lihzee − my daughter is the one that is going to be affected the most, not her mother. YTA and you sound like you’re an AH in general.

JustJavi − NTA. Everyone is judging you based on your relationships and not the issue that you are asking. Ryan is not your kid. He is not your problem. Don't...

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OrangeCubit − YTA - I can’t keep your kids and relationships and the various trauma you have inflicted on all involved straight.

Apart-Ad-6518 − YTA first - use birth control Second - support the children you create.

FarRazzmatazz7469 − ESH. Woah. There is too much going on here for me to be able to make a good judgment on the actual situation at hand. Y-T-A for the...

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ESH for the situation. Abby sounds unreliable and greedy, and you caused the problem in the first place when you had SIX different children with FOUR different women.

srgonzo75 − Not giving your ex-wife’s son with her more recent husband an allowance: NTA. Cutting off your daughter because her mother’s spending habits are irresponsible: YTA.

You could figure out a way to give your an allowance without her mother being involved, but she would have to either keep her spending unobservable or run the risk...

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Alternatively, you could pay for whatever Leah needs/wants, as long it’s within the amount you would normally provide for her allowance. Short of Leah moving in with you, that’s all...

MolassesInevitable53 − Jeez, mate, have you heard of contraception? Use it or keep it in your pants!

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Sallyfacee − NTA for not supporting another child that isn't your own, but please stop procreating.

happybanana134 − You have enough children, sir.

OP stands firm: no money for a child who isn’t his. But in shielding his wallet from Abby, he risked his daughter’s security—turning a boundary into collateral damage. This saga lays bare the lasting ripple of reckless relationships. So tell us does throwing cash at absence ever heal the wound, or is it time this dad finally showed up for good?

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