AITA for refusing to do a favor/help my brother with an element of his wedding which I already said I won’t be attending?

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A wedding favor request turned into a painful standoff when the OP’s brother, engaged to their childhood bully, asked for help securing a special florist deal. After enduring eight years of torment from his fiancée, the OP, already estranged and skipping the wedding, refused, sparking family accusations of pettiness.

This Reddit tale unravels trauma, betrayal, and unyielding boundaries—was the OP justified in drawing the line, or did they take it too far?

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‘AITA for refusing to do a favor/help my brother with an element of his wedding which I already said I won’t be attending?’

My brother is marrying someone who made my life hell for through our entire teens. Started age 12 and continued into college (unfortunately we were in the same one). She was like 20 before she stopped bullying me. And she went out of her way to do it in college too. Going as far as almost stalking me over it.

She almost got thrown out of college which might have been what stopped her in the end. I was able to avoid her for the rest of college and didn't see her again for a few more years. My brother is a year older and knew all about the stuff she put me through, as did our parents.

So when he brought this girl home as his girlfriend a couple of years ago I was so hurt. My sister asked him what he was thinking and how could he do that to me. He said she grew up and that's allowed and we should be willing to give her a shot. I walked out. My parents and brother were upset at my refusal to give her a chance and asked why I wanted to hurt our family.

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They said my sister walked out after calling this girl all sorts of names and making it clear she saw her as trash and someone who couldn't be a good person. She also called our brother out for having no family loyalty and said his d**k is clearly all he really cares about. My relationship with my brother and parents hardly exists now.

I have seen them four times since that day. They have reached out via phone but I made it clear I had no desire to mend things with that girl and I saw it as a betrayal toward me to accept her and expect me to treat her as family. My sister has stood by me. She is also mostly estranged from our parents and brother.

The last time I saw them was in June. At a family birthday party. During a quiet moment my brother told me he was getting married and our parents were standing by to jump in. I told him to save himself the money inviting me because I won't be attending and I walked away. So where this issue comes in.

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The most popular local florist is my best friends mom. And she's known to have a special package for friends and family for weddings, etc. One piece in particular she only does for people she's close to. My brother and his fiancée want her to be the florist for their wedding and they want the bonuses of the special package.

But they don't have a good relationship with her. However I do. So my brother called me up. I ignored his call. So he sent a text asking me to do a favor and ask about the special package for them. I said no and told him to leave me alone. He reached out again and asked.

My parents then got involved. I told them I wanted nothing to do with this wedding and would never help make the day special for them. I was told I had taken all of this too far and a small favor should not be such a big deal. That I am destroying these relationships and will one day regret it over something so small.. AITA?

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Family ties can strain under the weight of past trauma, especially when betrayal feels fresh. The OP’s brother, by partnering with their bully, and their parents, by embracing her, dismissed the OP’s pain, deepening estrangement. The request for a florist favor, tied to the OP’s personal connection, wasn’t “small”—it demanded they endorse a painful past. The OP’s refusal protects their healing, though family criticism paints it as spite.

Trauma therapist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, says, “Unresolved bullying can leave lasting scars, and expecting victims to reconcile without accountability is unfair.” Studies show 70% of bullying victims experience trust issues into adulthood, explaining the OP’s stance. The family’s minimization of the bullying as “small” ignores its impact.

This highlights a broader issue: honoring personal trauma in family dynamics. The OP could inform the florist of their stance to prevent manipulation, as suggested by Reddit. Therapy might help process the betrayal, while their sister’s support offers a lifeline.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s crew rallied hard, cheering the OP’s stand with a mix of fiery support and sly suggestions to thwart the brother’s plans. From slamming the family’s betrayal to praising the sister’s loyalty, the comments are a passionate roar. Here’s what the crowd tossed out:

SherbetAnnual2294 − NTA but it might be worth it to call the florist (if you’re close enough) and say you’re not referring your brother for any special deal for his wedding if he calls and says you are. If this sheds your brother in a worse light to the florist, it would be a real shame if she decided she couldn’t do the flowers for their wedding at all. Just saying.

CatteNappe − Have either of these people ever attempted to apologize to you? A real apology, acknowledging, with specifics, the harm and hurt they inflicted on you? It is not a small favor to ask you to use your influence and good reputation to gain special consideration they wouldn't otherwise be entitled to. And that's even without the fact that you have pretty good reasons to refuse doing even small favors for him.. NTA

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Heraonolympia123 − If I watched my child suffer at the hands of a bully for years, I would not begrudge them nopeing out of the bully's wedding, even if my other child was involved. You deserve support and it is totally possible to support you and your brother in separate ways without a guilt trip or some emotional manipulation.. NTA 

coffee-weed-win − NTA. Yes people can change, maybe she has. But she is still your bully, someone how tormented you for many years, you are well within your rights to tell them to F off. On a side note, your sister sounds like a good one. Cherish her and show her how much her support and understanding mean to you!

Is-this-rabbit − Maybe a bonkers thought, but I wonder if she tapped your brother to mess with you? I know, bonkers idea. People can put on a face for so long, and then their true colours start to shine through. Wait for the divorce and tell your brother and parents 'I told you'. Too cynical?. NTA

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sun_and_stars8 − NTA 8 years of bullying that only resolved with the threat of expulsion from college isn’t something “small”.  You have no obligation to do them a favor.  

Chipchop666 − Everyone but you and your sister are assholes. How the hell do they think you would get over 8 years of bullying. Do they not remember you coming home crying etc. You and sister start new family traditions with both of your families

luvboarding − NTA. And wouldn't your best friend's mother know about the bullying? why would she want to help your bully?

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Only-Ingenuity7889 − Oh hell no.  They're not friends or family at this point.  NTA

princessnbqueen − If it is 'something so small' ... Why all the bullying?

These Reddit takes are a fierce blend, but do they hit the core? Is the OP a trauma-defending hero, or holding too tight to old wounds?

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This wedding drama proves past pain can cast long shadows, especially when family picks sides. The OP’s refusal to aid their brother’s wedding to their bully honors their healing, though it widens the family rift. A quiet word to the florist and leaning on their sister could keep their peace intact. What would you do if family expected you to celebrate your tormentor? Drop your thoughts and strategies below!

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