AITA for refusing to compromise on food rules I have for myself when cooking for two people?

Jonathan Hours
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A woman’s love for vegetarian cooking hit a snag when her meat-craving boyfriend pushed for more shared meals—with meat. For years, she’s stuck to a mostly plant-based diet, indulging in meat only a few days a month. But when he brought chicken for her to cook, expecting her to whip it up alongside her veggie dish, she drew a line. His frustration boiled over, leaving her to wonder if she’s being unreasonable.

This Reddit tale, seasoned with humor and spice, serves up a classic relationship tussle: balancing personal principles with a partner’s expectations. Her kitchen, her rules—but is she cooking up trouble? With witty flair, this story invites us to chew on a big question: how do you navigate dietary differences in love? Let’s dig into this flavorful drama.

‘AITA for refusing to compromise on food rules I have for myself when cooking for two people?’

I have eaten mostly vegetarian for years with the exception of a few days a month (when i’m menstruating) and on those days, I eat meat. It’s kind of a stupid thing and probably has no real benefit, but it’s how i’ve fed myself since i started needing to and it’s become an important part of my routine. My boyfriend, on the other hand, loves meat and has it with almost every meal.

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I love cooking and make most of the meals we have together. Recently, he has been hinting that if he’s eating with me more often, I should eat meat with him. I made steak a few weeks ago and then his birthday happened when he asked for the same thing, he got quiet and distant after I made myself something vegetarian and said it would have been nicer if I had eaten the same thing as him.

This all came to a boiling point last night when he brought chicken for me to cook for him. I told him I was happy for him to eat it himself but if I wasn’t eating it, I wasn’t cooking it as I had already made a perfectly good meal. He doesn’t treat me as a housewife or expect me to cook for him daily but he doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t do this for him, since i was already cooking.

I explained that I wasn’t doing it specifically because i was already cooking and that I was offended that he didn’t believe that the meal I made was good enough on its own. He got frustrated and later when talking to his friends, he mentioned it as a joke and they sided with him. I doubled down when i overheard this and he said that I should compromise if i’m making meals for both of us, and consider his tastes when deciding what to have.. Am I the a**hole?

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Dietary differences can turn a shared kitchen into a battleground of values. This woman’s refusal to cook meat she won’t eat underscores a deeper issue: respect for personal boundaries. Dr. Susan Albers, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Food is deeply tied to identity and control” (Cleveland Clinic). The boyfriend’s push for her to cook and eat meat feels like a challenge to her autonomy.

Her mostly vegetarian diet, with occasional meat, is a personal ritual, likely tied to health or ethics—60% of vegetarians cite health benefits (Vegetarian Resource Group). His expectation that she adapt ignores her effort in cooking most meals. Joking to friends about her stance further dismisses her feelings, eroding trust.

This reflects broader relationship dynamics around compromise. Dr. Albers suggests clear communication: she could offer to cook meat occasionally if he prepares it. Setting boundaries—like splitting cooking duties—could ease tension.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit dished out a feast of opinions, with a side of sass and spice. Here’s a taste of the community’s hot takes, served with a grin:

EmceeSuzy − Sigh... You are not the a**hole. You write that he does not expect you to play the 'housewife' or expect you to cook for him daily. I'm not sure where you're making the distinction because he very clearly expects you to cook for him on demand and he expect you to do it over if you did not cook what he wanted. Then he decided to take this issue to his pals..

Does that sound respectful to you? There is nothing wrong with him wanting to eat meat more often than you do. There is something very wrong with him lacking the self-discipline and personal standards to cook the meat himself without even suggesting that you should do it.. You are NTA, but I think you are not looking at his behavior with clear eyes.

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Lossagh − NTA. If you're doing most of the cooking and are primarily vegetarian, you choose the content of the meal. He can always cook himself meat seperately, if he needs it that much, and eat it along with the veggie stuff. I was vegetarian for 20 years including when I met my SO, who was a carnivore. He \*NEVER\* expected me to cook him meat. Period. He was just delighted to get a home cooked meal. Your BF sounds entitled as all hell.

GreekAmericanDom − NTA. What isn't with people who feel entitled to a personally cooked meal when someone is cooking.. No, you shouldn't have to prep 2 separate meals.. Yes, you should absolutely stick to the diet that works for you.. he mentioned it as a joke. This is such an a**hole move: Disguise criticism as a joke.

nefarious_planet − NTA. If he’s dead set on eating meat, he’s fully empowered and within his rights to cook whatever he wants! If he’s dead set on *you* cooking for him, he can eat what’s on offer.. Just because someone is already cooking does not mean they’re a short-order cook, holy s**t.

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KBD_in_PDX − Uhhhh no, NTA. If your boyfriend wishes to eat more meat, he is WELCOME to cook it himself. If he wishes to eat meals that he doesn't have to prepare or cook, he'll need to eat what is being offered... it's really THAT simple. There is literally no good reason for him to be offended that you eat within your dietary preferences, which sound very healthful. He's not concerned for you, he's throwing a tantrum.

Honestly, what this sounds like is him reflecting on his own diet, finding it potentially 'not as good' as yours, and instead of trying to improve himself, trying to bring you down to his level so he can feel better about what he eats. He's projecting insecurities onto you.

I'd honestly be very clear with him to shut this down immediately, 'I'm happy to cook for you when I am preparing food, but if you continue to ask me to go out of my way to accommodate your preference for meat, I will stop cooking for you and only cook for myself.'

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Eastern_Condition863 − NTA. He's free to cook it and eat it. You are free to not cook it and not eat it. He lost me when he got upset you weren't eating the same as him. That's controlling and immature.

stormtreader1 − 'He doesn’t treat me as a housewife or expect me to cook for him daily but he doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t do this for him, since i was already cooking.'. 'he brought chicken for me to cook for him' Sounds like he's treating you like a housewife to me. The reason you're not doing it is exactly what you've already said, you're not a to-order cook station.

Forward_Excuse_6133 − NTA and time to part ways. Had he left it as a “It would be nice if you would join me and eat the same thing” that would be understandable. He literally wants you to change yourself to make him happy and sees nothing wrong with it. That my dear is a slippery slope into a partnership that will make you miserable. You will always be expected to compromise your ways to accommodate him and that is a dictatorship, not a partnership.

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hatterson − NTA. Regarding the first half of your post, his idea that you should eat the same thing as him is dumb. You literally made him a steak dinner for his birthday and instead of being grateful he was whining that you also weren't having steak. My wife doesn't eat beef and has made steak (or burgers or etc.) in the past.

Instead of complaining that she isn't eating the same thing I am, I'm instead grateful that she made a nice meal that I enjoy especially because it took extra effort since she had to basically make two different meals (or 1.5 meals at the least) so that her and the kids also have something they enjoy.

Regarding the second half, I don't think a firm 'If I'm not eating it, I'm not cooking it' stance is helpful in a relationship (and in fairness, it doesn't sound like this is your 100% stance give you mention making steak), but there's also plenty of times when it's fine to say 'if I'm cooking, this is the meal that I'm cooking. If you want something else you know where the kitchen is'

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JohnRedcornMassage − NTA. Cooking larger portions of the same meal doesn’t add much more time or effort.. Cooking an entirely different, second meal absolutely does.

These Reddit bites are juicy, but do they get to the meat of the matter? Or are they just savoring the drama of a kitchen standoff?

This woman’s kitchen showdown is a zesty reminder that love doesn’t mean surrendering your values. Her vegetarian stance isn’t just about food—it’s about identity and respect. Can this couple find a recipe for harmony, or will their tastes tear them apart? How would you handle a partner who pushes against your dietary choices? Share your stories—let’s cook up some wisdom on this flavorful saga.

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