AITA for quickly shutting down my sister after trying to change tradition?

A warm Easter evening hums with family chatter, the backyard glowing under string lights as cousins chase fireflies. For one woman, this is her kingdom—her home, the heart of family traditions for a decade. She’s the maestro of these gatherings, her sprawling house the perfect canvas for love and laughter. But as the night winds down, her sister’s bold announcement slices through the cozy haze like a surprise guest.

Shock ripples through the crowd as old sibling rivalries spark anew, turning fond farewells into a battle over tradition. Was she wrong to guard her hosting throne, or was her sister’s move a sly challenge? Let’s unpack this Reddit drama.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA for quickly shutting down my sister after trying to change tradition?’

I (45F) hosted my family’s Easter dinner at my house last Friday evening. (we don’t do it on Sunday because we all go to church together and some of my family works after). Usually, most of my moms side comes and there’s a lot of us, lots of aunts, cousins, grandkids, you name it. I have quite a big house with a big backyard.

I have two kids and there’s a playroom in my basement. When I got the house about 10 years ago, most of my family said that I should host because my house was perfect for it. I took it as a compliment and started hosting most family events for the past 10ish years. I love to host and I love getting all of my family together, it’s kinda my thing.

My sister (42F) and I have always had a competitive relationship, but still a very loving one. She always wanted to up me in grades or in sports when we were younger. Then in our 20s she always wanted to be the first in major accomplishments like marriage or kids. When I started hosting, she would make sarcastic digs on my hosting skills like food or conversations.

ADVERTISEMENT

she even told me she thought she would be a better host in a private conversation. I still very much love my sister, but sometimes I think she envies me with how she treats me. as Easter was wrapping up, and everyone was saying their long goodbyes (midwest goodbyes LOL), my sister decided to make a little announcement right before she walked out the door.

Something along the lines of “ before I leave, I wanted to say I’m going to host 4th of july this year!” I was quite surprised because she had not told me this and she knows quite well that I have been hosting every holiday. most of the family didn’t really know what to say because it was just out of the blue. Now, this is where I might be the a**hole.

I quickly said “Oh, sorry (sisters name), but I was already planning on hosting since I’ve been doing that for the past decade.” I wasn’t trying to come off as overly mean, but I also didn’t want to get walked on and just give up to my sister’s action. She quickly shot back about how she wants to “take some pressure off my back” and how I don’t need to do everything all the time.

ADVERTISEMENT

The way she said it felt mean and snarky. So I told her that I didn’t feel pressure since I’m used to it, and then if she wants to host, she should let me know ahead of time instead of two months before hand. We both were being a little bit snarky and passive aggressive. After my comment, she said “ok well, maybe Thanksgiving!” and left.

I plan on texting my sister about it soon, but I have not talked to her since. I felt bad because I had done it in front of my family, and I got a couple text afterwards asking if I was OK and that she shouldn’t try to break tradition. Whilst my parents ( specifically ) and some other family members told me I was being an a-hole for not just letting her do something for once. AITA?

EDIT: woah okay . I was not expecting so much interaction with this post. I plan on talking to my sister tonight, apologize and ask her to take over fourth of july and thanksgiving if she wants . I am going to talk to her about the past and our rivalry and how we both feel to get any grudges out of the way.

ADVERTISEMENT

some people were telling me i am selfish, and I understand and i am knocking myself down a peg. I understand 2ish months is beforehand and maybe i am just a “get this done asap” person but I understand how I am wrong. I also do not host everything. It is just expected that I do

and I am now going to ask if we switch it up because now i am afraid my family might think i’m trying to keep a center of attention. I am seeing myself in a new light, and i apologize that I didn’t see it earlier. Thank you to the commenters who were kindly showing me my mistakes and i kindly remind you I am human, and i am making mistakes with the effort to fix them.

EDIT 2: an update is available on my page, I talk to my sister and cleared up more things. Thank you!

ADVERTISEMENT

Sibling rivalries can transform a cozy family gathering into a subtle battlefield, and this Easter clash is a classic example. The woman’s swift shutdown of her sister’s hosting plan reveals a struggle over control and identity. She’s woven her role as family host into her core, but her sister’s abrupt announcement challenges that. Both seem trapped in a competitive loop, each viewing the other through a lens of envy, making compromise feel like surrender.

This isn’t rare. A 2018 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found 45% of adults report competitive feelings toward siblings. The woman’s need to preserve tradition collides with her sister’s urge to shine, creating a standoff where neither feels valued. Both could gain from pausing to understand the other’s intent.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, says, “Conflict is an opportunity to grow closer if approached with curiosity rather than defensiveness.” The woman’s defensiveness closed the door on dialogue, while her sister’s snarky tone fanned the flames. Gottman’s insight suggests they could heal by openly addressing their rivalry, as the woman later planned.

ADVERTISEMENT

To move forward, they should agree on sharing hosting duties—perhaps alternating holidays—and discuss plans privately to avoid public spats. This fosters peace and sets a positive example for their family.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up a platter of candid takes with a side of humor. Was the woman guarding her turf or just stuck in her ways? Here’s what the community had to say:

Krayt88 − Can you really claim she never told you she was planning to host a 4th of July gather immediately after she just told you she was planning to host it? With 2 and a half months heads up? It's not like she's telling you on July 2nd. And is there any reason she shouldn't be allowed to host?

ADVERTISEMENT

Okay, 10 years ago you moved into a house that was good for get togethers, great, but you haven't said that where your sister lives is a studio apartment with no floor space, so is her home just not viable? You're doing an awful lot of talking about how competitive your sister is,

trying to one up you and such, but you've also got your own issues in this realm as you don't want to even consider letting someone else host an event with months of advanced notice. Perhaps you'd be jealous if that were to happen?. YTA

dohbriste − YTA. You describe your sister as being irrationally jealous or something, but you’ve hosted every single family holiday for TEN YEARS and you won’t let her do even one? Just because your home is ideal for it doesn’t mean others shouldn’t get a chance to try.

ADVERTISEMENT

Two months is plenty notice tbh. Your immediately reacting by shutting her down without even thinking it over makes it seem like you feel some type of superiority for always hosting that you’re aggressively unwilling to let go of.

Hazel2468 − So, YTA with a side of ESH. Why do you get to host every single holiday? Why are you so against someone else hosting? Do you like the taste of attention that much? I can't even begin to address how your sister went about this until we tackle why you feel so offended at someone else hosting for the holidays.

procrastinating_b − Why do you get to host every holiday?

ADVERTISEMENT

SugaredZebra − 'she should let me know ahead of time instead of two months before hand'. This doesn't compute. 2 months is plenty of advance notice and well 'ahead of time'. All I'd say is, if that was her intention, maybe bring it up privately and have an actual discussion, instead of unilaterally hijacking the holiday.. But overall, ESH. Neither of you come out smelling like roses, here.

rstick369 − YTA. You’ve hosted every holiday for 10 years. She can have at least one. You just like playing Hostess.

StructEngineer91 − YTA, 2 months is in fact ahead of time. Why can't you just share some hosting with her, since she clearly wants to. You say she wants to 'one up you' but you are just as bad by not 'letting' her host. Who put you in charge of 'letting' people host parties or not anyway?

ADVERTISEMENT

Disastrous-Nail-640 − YTA. Do you really think you can tell someone else that they can’t host a holiday simply because you’ve been hogging all of them? Get over yourself. You can’t seriously think you have the right to tell another grown ass adult they can’t do something. The issue here isn’t your sister and her supposed competitiveness. The issue is your entitlement and thinking you get to do everything and that others simply must go along and get no say. Grow up.

Consistent-Pickle-88 − YTA, and I definitely got a sense of arrogance from you while reading this post. It’s not the end of the world if your sister hosts a holiday smh

Glittering-List-465 − You sound obnoxious. Two and a half months ahead of time is plenty of time. You sound like the envious one, cause you can’t stomach the idea of someone else’s efforts being acknowledged or appreciated. Grow up.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit opinions are spicy, but do they cut to the heart of the matter? Or are they just fanning the flames of family drama?

This tale of sisterly showdowns reminds us that family traditions are precious, but so is flexibility. The woman’s journey from defensiveness to self-reflection shows growth, and her willingness to share hosting duties could mend old wounds. But the real question lingers: where’s the line between honoring tradition and embracing change? What would you do if a sibling tried to shake up your family’s long-standing plans? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this conversation cooking!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *