AITA for preventing my friend from seeing his newborn baby?

In a quiet hospital room, a newborn boy’s cries echoed, cradled by his weary mother, Stacy. For her friend, the moment’s joy was clouded by a heavy duty: ensuring Stacy’s ex, Justin, an active addict, stayed away as Stacy requested.

When Justin arrived, clearly under the influence, her fiancé upheld Stacy’s boundary, triggering an emotional outburst that ended with security stepping in. Now, stung by Justin’s accusations of betrayal, she grapples with a tense clash of friendship, safety, and guilt.

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‘AITA for preventing my friend from seeing his newborn baby?’

This literally just happened so I’m still a bit emotional and waiting on my friend. My friend Stacy just gave birth to a baby boy. The baby’s father, Justin, is currently an addict. When he and Stacy started dating, he was 4 months sober but about a year ago (2 years into their relationship), he relapsed.

He’s been promising Stacy that he won’t use and he’ll go to rehab. She left him and since, he’s promised to stay clean. When my fiancé confronted him (today), he was still using and Stacy decided that she can’t rely on him. Though he has this problem, Justin really is a sweet, caring guy.

He’s helped me and my fiancé countless times and generally a fun, down to earth guy. If he didn’t have an addiction, he’d be a great father. He’s so good to my little one. Stacy does not want him to be there right now because she thinks he’s unstable and still using.

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She’s worried for the baby’s safety and I share her concern. We’ve both never dealt with addicts prior to this before. Stacy asked me and my fiancé to ask Justin to leave if he showed up. Well, he did come and my fiancé and I did what Stacy asked. He did not take it well and caused a scene. Security escorted him out immediately.

To our defense, he looked high. Justin’s really upset right now and sent me a text about how I betrayed him when he’s only been good to me. He says he just wants to see his child. I really feel for him and tried asking Stacy if she’s sure. But she says she is and I don’t want to overstep since this is her and her child safety. AITA?

The friend’s choice to block Justin from seeing his newborn, honoring Stacy’s wishes, prioritizes the infant’s safety over his desperate pleas. Justin’s relapse and evident intoxication validate Stacy’s fears, as his disruptive reaction underscores his current unreliability. The friend’s actions, though painful, align with protecting a vulnerable mother and child, not betraying a friend.

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Addiction’s toll on parenting is significant. A 2021 study in the Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment found that parental substance use heightens risks of child neglect and emotional harm, especially in early infancy. Stacy’s decision to bar Justin reflects a need to shield her baby from potential instability, a concern the friend rightly shares.

Dr. Gabor Maté, an addiction specialist, states, “Addiction often hides deeper pain, but recovery demands accountability, not enablement”. Justin’s blame-shifting texts reflect addiction’s manipulative patterns, not the friend’s fault. Her steadfast support of Stacy’s boundary may serve as a wake-up call for Justin, pushing him toward sobriety through consequences.

The friend could support Justin by sharing rehab resources, such as Narcotics Anonymous, while advising Stacy to pursue legal custody measures for clarity. If Justin seeks visitation, supervised access through court could ensure safety. This story underscores the necessity of tough love, placing a child’s well-being above an addict’s immediate desires.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s community backed the friend, affirming her role in prioritizing Stacy’s wishes and the baby’s safety. Justin’s intoxicated state and disruptive behavior were seen as clear reasons to exclude him, with many noting that his caring nature when sober doesn’t outweigh current risks.

Commenters encouraged pointing Justin toward treatment rather than enabling access, sharing insights on addiction’s manipulative tactics. The consensus praised the friend’s resolve, urging her to stay firm. These perspectives highlight the importance of protecting vulnerable children while hoping for the addict’s recovery.

orangeducksarecool − NTA - tell him to get clean and stay clean if he wants to be a father to his child. Help him go to rehab or find other needed support if you want to help.

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TwistedHoney6810 − I've got a few addicts in my family. Addiction is a hard, hard battle! They've stolen from everyone just to get a fix. There are times when they are sober and wonderful people, but there will always be times when they return to that substance.. You're NTA for quite a few reasons:.

1) You knew your friend was high and didn't let him in.. 2) You honored Stacy's wishes and that's a huge thing with new moms.. 3) You are NOT betraying your friend by protecting his child.. 4) Even when you saw how upset he was, you continued to stand your ground.

You did what was right and you shouldn't feel bad for it at all. Hopefully this leads Justin to get back on the right path. One of my cousin's children saw he got arrested and just laughed saying he deserved it. She wasn't wrong, but she knows what her father is into and why he was committing that crime.

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MissCaily − NTA none of this is up to you. Its between Justin and Stacy. All YOU can do is listen and advise him to get healthy for his baby. Point him in the right direction.

rchoiniere94 − NTA, addicts are addicts. I too fell in love with an addict and when they relapse they are not the same person. I can’t keep typing about that cause I’ll cry. Anyway, tell Justin that when he wants to get clean again and turn back into himself he can meet his kid. In the meantime his kid isn’t going to meet some strung out d**g addict.

wind-river7 − NTA. Justin will have to decide if the drugs are more important than his child.

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NorthrnSwede − Children are not emotional props for grown men. NTA

georgeglassok − NTA I’m the daughter of an addict that overdosed when I was 4. My family was never tough on his issues and he had access to me often. I loved him and his death devastated me, but my tiny toddler brain knew this man wasn’t my caretaker, I saw his lack of structure and respect for my mom.

Quite frankly he intimidated me and I wish he’d had access to suitable care and a supportive network full of people willing to implement tough love. Keep the mother and baby away from the dad. It sucks, but it’s could be what’s best for their mental health.

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[Reddit User] − The problem with many addicts is that they'll often lash out when confronted with the obstacles/consequences their addiction causes, or when they need to get their fix. He'll say whatever mean thing that comes to mind, because he's unable to look at himself.

When he's sober, he'll thank you. Just realize that when talking to an addict that's actively using or looking to use substances, you will be on the receiving end of their anger and the cause of their suffering. Just keep repeating this to him, in every single way: 'Justin, you'll be able to see your child if you're sober for a while.

We're not keeping the baby away from you.' Don't engage in any other form of discussion and never hesitate to call the police. Addiction can make the sweetest guy in the world go crazy.. It seems your friend will be a good mother and you're a great friend.. NTA

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AugustNClementine − NTA and it is especially clear when you consider the alternatives. 'AITA for pressuring my friend hours after labor to let her visibly high ex in to see their baby after she asked me to prevent him from coming in? He freaked out about their separation and terrified her and the baby.'

julesB09 − NTA, if you haven't spent much time with addicts I understand how difficult this must have been for you. I was best friends with an addict, we'd been friends since age 4, but she started using in early 20's, so I had 15 years of trying to help her get sober. One thing I can tell you is addicts become super manipulative.

This guy knew he had to get sober to meet his child, he's angry about the consequences when that didn't happen. He's looking for someone else to blame other than himself, you are closest. Try doing a bit of research to understand addicts. It will help. Understand, that by enforcing the natural consequences of his actions, you actually are helping.

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For example, if you snuck him in to see his baby, he would have no negative consequences to being high. He has no right to be in the presence of that baby high, you know and he knows it. If you want to help him the only thing you can do is point him towards treatment.

This hospital standoff reveals the gut-wrenching ripple effects of addiction on new parenthood. The friend’s commitment to Stacy and her baby, though emotionally costly, anchors a stand for safety. Their story calls for boundaries blended with hope for Justin’s recovery, ideally through support and accountability.

Have you navigated tough choices involving addiction and loved ones? Share your insights below and let’s explore how compassion and caution shape these raw, human moments.

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