AITA for not wanting to help pay for my child’s University fees?

One coffee shop bombshell changed everything for a 40-year-old man: he has a daughter, Jane (18F), hidden from him since birth. Mom Grace (40F) admitted it was pure spite—no support, no contact, just silence. Jane reached out at 18 “to know her father,” but weeks later asked for full university fees. Dad can afford it, but sees a stranger with his DNA, not a child he raised. He’s ready to walk away.

The twist? Mom told Jane at 12, yet waited 6 years to connect—only when tuition loomed. Community split: some say he owes nothing, others urge partial help despite the scam vibe. Here’s the full DNA drama and the heated takes.

Jane appeared with proof; dad confirmed via test.

Grace finally spoke—after three asks.

Jane drops the real ask.

Dad draws the line.

Dad robbed of 18 years by spiteful ex; daughter raised on half-truths, now seeks full funding. He sees user, not child; she sees long-lost dad with deep pockets. Legally, he’s clear—no retro support, no obligation post-18. Emotionally? A minefield.

Dr. John Gottman warns unresolved resentment kills bonds—here, it’s a triple threat: dad vs mom, dad vs daughter, daughter vs absence. Practical path: offer a relationship contract, not cash. Meet monthly, no money talk for a year. If trust builds, fund one semester at a time, tied to effort (grades, communication). If not, walk guilt-free. Mom’s the villain; don’t punish the kid for her sins—but don’t reward the con either.

Long-term, Jane’s “meh” grades may reflect instability, not ability. A partial scholarship (e.g., housing only) could level the field without enabling. Dad gets agency; Jane gets chance. Or he closes the door—his right, her loss. Either way, therapy for all: he processes betrayal, she unlearns manipulation.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Split but leaning NTA—Grace is the true villain.

Some saw pure opportunism.

A few pushed partial help.

Some other comments from readers.

A vengeful mom created a fatherless daughter and a guilty stranger—now both want something. Dad owes nothing legally or emotionally after 18 years of lies. Community says: don’t pay to be used, but don’t slam the door out of spite. Offer time, not money—see if a real bond forms. Would you fund the future or close the account for good?