AITA for not wanting my step sister (27f) as my (26f) bridemaid?

Jonathan Hours
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A wedding’s glow fades fast when a stepsister’s cold shoulder leaves a bridesmaid in tears. For a 26-year-old planning her 2022 nuptials, the sting of being sidelined at her stepsister’s recent wedding—excluded from the bachelorette party, relegated to cleanup, and ignored—cuts deep. Despite their bond since childhood, she decides her stepsister won’t be a bridesmaid, sparking parental outrage and accusations of selfishness.

This isn’t just about a bridal party—it’s a clash of loyalty, respect, and family ties. Her choice prioritizes her peace, but is it too harsh? Readers are hooked: did she rightly set a boundary, or should she forgive for family’s sake? The wedding drama demands a verdict.

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‘AITA for not wanting my step sister (27f) as my (26f) bridemaid?’

This woman shared her family feud on Reddit, detailing her stepsister’s hurtful actions and her decision to exclude her from the bridal party. Here’s her original post, unpacking the emotional rift.

My stepsister and Ive been sisters since i was 4. Shes been in my life longer than I can remember and we had a pretty good relationship. My fiance(27m) and I(26f) are planning on getting married in 08/22(waiting for everything to be safe again) and Id planned on having her as a bridesmaid until this year. She got engaged back in 09/18 and had her wedding this past month.

She asked me to be a bridesmaid early on and of course I agreed. I was so excited for her. I wanted to help out as much as I could. I tried to do whatever I could since I know planning a wedding can be extremely stressful. I made an effort to drive up (6 hours away) for every event.

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There were 6 engagement parties, a virtual wedding in 04/19 I couldn't make because of my fiances match day in med school (super important event), and the wedding that just passed. So lots of events that took a lot of time/money. I didn't mind the engagement parties since I know these were important for her.

Until I found out her and the other bridesmaids had been lying to me about when the bachelorette was. Id found out by accident when I called my stepmom one weekend only to find out they had gone without me. My stepmom didn't want me to call and upset her since its her big weekend.

An old reddit I posted explained how it was extremely disrespectful of her. I wanted to back out of her wedding because of that but I chose to stay. I didn't want to upset my entire family. Fast forward to the actual wedding. I stayed inside alone for 2 weeks before hand to be sure I was OK to go.

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I travel up 2 days before the wedding to help with prep for the big day. The entire time I'm there she snaps at me or just ignores me. I smile through it thinking she is just stressed with it being so close. At the rehearsal I find out of the 7 bridesmaids im at the end of the line. In Sourthen etiquette this is very disrespectful to a sister bridesmaid.

Im treated like a stranger or labor mule the entire wedding and I couldn't understand why. I wasn't included in bridesmaid pictures during the wedding. I even missed the bouquet toss since I was asked to go clean the bridal party room. I cried a couple times during the wedding.

I couldn't understand at all why she was treating me this way until my friends afterwards pointed out that she may have only had me as a bridesmaid out of obligation and not actual desire. This hurt...a lot. After the treatment I had gone through I decided to not include her as one of my bridesmaids or be apart of the bridal party.

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I told my parents this when they asked when I was going to ask her to be one. They were livid. They said shes my sister and I should include. That her behavior should be forgiven since she had stressful engagement.

They said they won't tell my sister about this 'selfish' decision because they want me to change my mind. I feel like I'm in the right though. I feel i should be able to decide who is apart of my bridal party. AITA for not wanting her as a bridesmaid though?

Weddings amplify family dynamics, and this stepsister’s actions turned celebration into exclusion. The woman, a dedicated bridesmaid at her stepsister’s wedding, faced lies about the bachelorette party, menial tasks, and a low spot in the lineup—a Southern etiquette slight. Her choice to exclude her stepsister as a bridesmaid reflects the pain of being treated as an obligation, not family. Her parents’ push for forgiveness dismisses her hurt.

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This mirrors tensions in blended families over reciprocal respect. A 2023 study in Family Relations found that perceived slights in family roles, like wedding duties, often strain sibling bonds, especially when parents minimize one’s feelings. The stepsister’s behavior suggests obligation, not affection.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Forward says, “Choosing wedding roles is a personal right; past mistreatment justifies exclusion, even in family”. Her insight supports the woman’s boundary, though addressing her stepsister directly might clarify motives or prompt an apology. The parents’ pressure risks escalating family drama.

She could calmly explain her decision to her stepsister to seek closure. The stepsister should reflect on her actions’ impact.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit dove into this wedding saga with takes as bold as a bouquet toss. Here’s a roundup of their thoughts, sprinkled with humor—because even family feuds need a chuckle.

lavenderskyes − NTA. Stop letting your parents make decisions for you. She probably did only include you out of “politeness” which ended up being her treating you like a second class bridesmaid/clean up maid. don’t invite her to be in your bridal party. This is your day.

I’d go directly to her and tell her why. Your parents are trying to moderate (aka: get what they want/what “keeps the peace” in the family) at your expense.. If she gives you any s**t and says it didn’t happen, just walk away.

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the_gato_says − NTA. Make her house party. Since you reference Southern wedding etiquette, I assume you know what I mean. For anyone unfamiliar, the house party is basically the B-team of bridesmaids. They hand out the programs before the ceremony.

FruitAdditional − NTA. The joys of being a grown up is not having to conform to your parents BS anymore. You don’t have to announce anything. You don’t tell people they’re not Bridesmaids. She’ll find out eventually.

Stand firm and just reply to your parents that after the treatment you endured during her wedding you have made your decision.. And then do not engage in a conversation again.. “No Dad I’ve made my decision, is it raining this weekend”. You need your spine.

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elmlea22 − NTA but I would have her as my ‘bridesmaid’ and literally mirror everything she did to me, invite but not invite to the hen party, shove her on the end, make her wear the vilest dress. I would give it back to her in spades. I would also no listen or care what my parents thought when they know she lied about when the party was, they let her put you on the end. They didn’t stop her doing those things to you.

bex-fer − NTA, she probably just invited you because your parents told her the same thing they told you. You should talk to her directly. It is your special day and you should be surrounded by the people who sherish you!

roman1969 − I think your friends may be on to something there, as hurtful as that is for you. It appears you were on the fringe of things. A BRIDESMAID, NOT invited to the bachelorette? I have never heard of such a thing. Then again I’ve never heard of 6 engagement parties!

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Not in the photos, not part of the bouquet toss, that’s bloody brutal, and nobody said a damn thing! If that does say loud and clear what you mean to her then I don’t know what does. All you can do now is move forward and plan for a glorious wedding. Put this behind you and surround yourself with people who truely care and love you.

This is first Day if your Marriage. Do you really want someone there who thinks so little of you? No you would absolutely NOT BE THE ARSEHOLE for not having her in the Bridal Party, or actually there at all. Your family will come down hard on you, lots of tears, yelling, emotional blackmail, ‘you’re-dead-to-me” type drama. Stay strong, it’s for you and your fiancé and no one else.

desert_red_head − Two years later, were you ever given an explanation as to why you were treated so cold during your step sister’s wedding? Were you ever given an apology? If you answered no to both of those questions, then you are definitely NTA. Your stepsister can be on the cleaning crew for your bridal shower, bachelorette, and wedding if she wants to help so bad.

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Holographic_honeybee − NTA. she was super disrespectful to you while you went above and beyond as her bridesmaid. Your parents should be upset with her, not you and you have the right to put whoever you want in your bridal party. If your family keeps making a big deal about it, make her a bridesmaid and just treat her like she treated you.

ApartLocksmith1 − NTA, she treated you terribly, she doesn't deserve to be your bridesmaid. In fact, if you want to deal with the issue head on, consider calling her out over the bachelorette party and her mistreatment of you next time you see her.

Thank her for excusing you from the obligation to include her in your wedding due to her behaviour towards you at hers.. That will relieve your parents of the burden of keeping your plans from her.. It could backfire badly if the parents take sides but at least every one knows where they stand.

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havartna − NTA. Wedding etiquette, while serving a purpose, is largely arbitrary anyway. Do what you want, make your day fun, and tell anyone who doesn’t like it to pound sand.

These Reddit quips are vibrant, but do they capture the full bouquet? Was the woman’s exclusion of her stepsister a justified stand, or a missed chance for reconciliation?

This woman’s tale is a heartfelt clash of sisterhood and self-respect, where a stepsister’s wedding slights led to a bold bridal party snub. Her decision, backed by Reddit but scorned by her parents, guards her joy for her big day, yet the family rift stings. Can such wounds heal before the vows? What would you do when family betrays your trust at a wedding? Share your stories and weigh in on this emotional showdown!

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