AITA for not wanting my in-laws and their kids coming to my house again?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a cozy Christmas, the air thick with the scent of pine and roasted turkey, as a newlywed couple opens their home to family. But instead of holiday cheer, the scene spirals into chaos, with a cherished antique clock crashing to the floor, courtesy of unchecked kindergarteners. For the OP, this wasn’t just a broken heirloom—it was a wake-up call about boundaries and respect. Her Reddit post spills the tea on a family visit gone wrong, igniting debates about hosting and family ties.

The fallout from this festive fiasco left the OP questioning her in-laws’ manners and her own limits as a host. With readers buzzing over who’s to blame, this story dives into the messy dynamics of blended families, where good intentions meet bad behavior. It’s a tale that hits home for anyone who’s ever gritted their teeth through a family gathering.

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‘AITA for not wanting my in-laws and their kids coming to my house again?’

I got married a couple of years ago, and invited my husband’s entire family over for our first Christmas as a married couple. I thought it would be so much fun to host the whole family—parents, siblings, nephews, everyone. But it turned into a Christmas from hell, mostly due to our young nephews and my in-laws lack of parenting them.

They’re incredibly rambunctious, which I understand to a degree, but the problem is that their parents don’t parent them. At all. They let them run wild in my house, at restaurants, in public, wherever. It’s exhausting and embarrassing. They’re about kindergarten age.

During that Christmas visit, the kids broke a sentimental, irreplaceable antique piece of furniture (it was a European Grandfather clock my great-grandmother handed down to me) by yanking and climbing on it. Wood and glass, and the inner clock mechanics were shattered. I truly don’t know how they managed to damage it so badly, so quickly.

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They went to a room no one else was in where they shouldn’t have been, and their parents lost track of them until they heard the big CRASH. The BIL made a joke right after to “ease the tension” I guess, but it just further infuriated me that he was making light of the situation. My husband and I were fuming, but were still trying to be gracious hosts.

Before the visit ended, the BIL/SIL pulled my husband aside to say they felt bad. They said nothing to me. To make things worse, no one from my husband’s family offered to help with anything through the whole Christmas visit. As a host, I’m always excited to cook and entertain, but I also expect basic politeness — like people offering to bring their plates to the kitchen or offering to help clean up.

It’s just common courtesy. But no one in my husband’s family did any of that. No one even really spoke to me much, besides surface level pleasantries, during the whole visit. And now I’m starting to wonder, do these people seriously have zero manners? I see how the rest of the family interacts with others in public, and they’re very gracious and polite. So now I’m wondering if they pick and choose who to be decent to….

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Now fast forward —the BIL and family want to come visit again and the kids apparently “miss our house.” We have a nice house so I get why the kids liked it. But the last time they were here, besides the clock being busted—my TV was a close call, they were touching the art on the walls, jumping all over the furniture, and again zero correction from the parents.

We visited them recently in their city, and it was the same story. We took them out to a restaurant (my husband and I found and reserved it), and the kids showed up in Halloween costumes. They flung food, were consistently loud throughout the meal, and worst of all, their parents insisted they order for themselves, so the poor server had to sit there and wait for the kid to finish mumbling incoherently.

It was a busy dinner service and my husband and I were so, so embarrassed by the kids behavior as well as the parents not controlling their kids in public.  Later in the dinner, the younger nephew spilled nearly an entire glass of water on me. Okay fine, it’s just water, but I didn’t love that I was soaked, obviously.

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The SIL must have noticed the not-so-thrilled expression on my face in that moment, and immediately snapped at me: ITS JUST WATER, IT WILL DRY. After we paid the check, the kids were running around, throwing their toys around, and physically bumping into other patrons. The kids behavior has clearly not improved….

At this point, I’ve told my husband that I’m fine visiting them in their home, but staying in a hotel and ordering food in. I don’t want to be out in public with them and I don’t want their kids back in our house unless they’re MUCH older and their behavior is under control. He feels the exact same way and supports that decision.. What would you do in this situation? How would you interact with the in-laws?

This Christmas catastrophe isn’t just about a broken clock—it’s a masterclass in boundary violations. The OP’s home became a playground for unchecked chaos, with her in-laws’ parenting style (or lack thereof) at the heart of the mess. According to Psychology Today, setting boundaries is crucial for healthy family dynamics, yet the in-laws’ hands-off approach left the OP’s space disrespected. Their failure to apologize directly to her only deepened the rift.

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The kids’ behavior reflects a broader issue: parenting impacts everyone around. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Children need consistent limits to feel secure and respect others’ spaces” (Aha! Parenting). Here, the parents’ inaction enabled destruction, leaving the OP to bear the emotional and material cost. A 2022 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of couples report stress from in-law conflicts, often tied to differing values.

The in-laws’ lack of hosting etiquette—ignoring basic courtesies like clearing plates—suggests selective respect, possibly straining the OP’s place in the family. For solutions, experts recommend clear communication. The OP and her husband could calmly state, “We love hosting, but we need guests to respect our home.” Setting visit rules, like supervised kids and shared chores, could prevent future debacles. This approach fosters mutual respect while keeping the door open for family ties.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, dishing out sympathy and sass in equal measure. From urging the OP to ban the kids to roasting the in-laws’ manners, the comments are a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s the raw rundown from the crowd:

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corgihuntress − Your husband has to deal with it, and he can say, 'I'm sorry, but until your kids are older and can behave better in our house, we can't have them over. They broke a priceless family heirloom on their last visit and we can't risk more damage.'

As for the adult manners, well, your husband should be suggesting people do things like telling people to help gather plates and he should be doing a bunch of it also. And don't host if you don't want to. It's a kindness, not a requirement.

Sparklingwine23 − NTA,your stance is perfectly reasonable and you both should stick to it. If your inlaws pull your husband aside again to tell him anything from thank you to a complaint, your husband should say 'hold on one moment, 'OP can you come here for a minute' ' so they get used to you as a team.

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Wakemeup3000 − NTA. You found the solution. Don't host these people in your home or in public ever. There's a huge difference between very active little ones and very active little ones who have parents who insure their behavior is not out of control while visiting and out in public.

Street-Length9871 − Kindergarten age is way too old to be acting like this, and it is 100 percent on the parents. They are lucky you didn't sue them for damages. I would. That is heartbreaking about you clock.

Blonde2468 − Just tell them 'after the last visit and the broken items, we don't think that's a good idea'.

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Artistic-Tough-7764 − be ' fine visiting them in their home, but staying in a hotel and ordering food in... don’t ... be out in public with them and .. don’t \[have\] their kids back in our house unless they’re MUCH older and their behavior is under control. \[Your husband\] feels the exact same way and supports that decision.'

SpiritualAd5028 − NTA. The kids destroyed a family heirloom. They didn't even offer to replace it. They didn't tell you sorry. They are horrible guests with horrible manners. I don't blame you for banning them from your home.

DazzlingPotion − So WAIT... they didn't offer to fix your antique clock OR apologize directly to you? They should NEVER BE ALLOWED in your house again. IMO their kids are going to continue to disrespect your home regardless of age. Their parents don't want to parent. NTA

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VFTM − You are so much nicer than I would be

Limp_Technology171 − NTA. It's your house and you get to decide who is in it. Just tell them, 'Unfortunately, because of the events of your last visit and the destruction of a priceless irreplaceable family heirloom that will cost over $10,000 to fix we've decided not to host events at our house for the foreseeable future.'.

Then let them sit on that. My parents needed their grandfather clock fixed 20+ years ago and it was going to cost $2,500 because of the rarity of the parts and how few people know how to fix them. And theirs was just a few pieces that broke naturally vs one that was destroyed like yours.

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These Redditors cheered the OP’s stance or dragged the in-laws’ parenting, but do their hot takes nail the full story? One thing’s clear: this holiday havoc has sparked a lively debate.

This tale of a shattered clock and frayed nerves shines a light on the delicate dance of family boundaries. The OP’s frustration is a reminder that hosting comes with expectations—of respect, accountability, and basic manners. While her in-laws may see their kids’ chaos as “just kids being kids,” the fallout speaks louder. How would you handle a family that trashes your home and your hospitality? Share your stories and insights below!

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