AITA for not wanting my best friend to be godmother to my daughter due to her short life expectancy?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet hospital room, the glow of a FaceTime call lit up a new mother’s face as she cradled her newborn daughter. But when her best friend, Mia, excitedly called the baby “my goddaughter,” a childhood pact came rushing back, tinged with awkward hesitation. The original poster (OP), torn by love for her friend and practical concerns, sparked a firestorm of emotions by questioning Mia’s role as godmother due to her cystic fibrosis. This delicate dilemma, shared on Reddit, unveils a tangle of loyalty, health, and hurt feelings, pulling readers into a story that’s as heart-wrenching as it is relatable.

What happens when a promise made in youth clashes with the harsh realities of adulthood? The OP’s decision stirred up a heated debate among friends and strangers alike, leaving us to wonder: where’s the line between practicality and compassion? This tale invites us to explore the complexities of friendship and the weight of choices in life’s toughest moments.

‘AITA for not wanting my best friend to be godmother to my daughter due to her short life expectancy?’

My best friend, Mia, has cystic fibrosis. The average life expectancy for cystic fibrosis is about 37, but Mias doctors don’t think she’ll get to 30. When we were kids and her CF wasn’t something I was hyper aware of, we agreed that we’d be godparents to each others kids.

I recently gave birth to a baby girl, and obviously due to COVID we’ve had no visitors to meet her, but I FaceTimed Mia from the hospital. She started the call with “let me see my goddaughter then” and that’s when I remembered the agreement that we made.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore Mia, she’s my best friend, but it seems a bit silly to allow her to be god mother when 1) she probably won’t be around by the time something could happen to go wrong for me and 2) her quality of life would in no way enable her to look after a child.

I waited until we were home before I said anything to Mia and when I asked her if she was okay with it she said she was, but I got a text from her mom later that night asking how I can claim to be her best friend when I treat her like that.

A few of our friends have also said I’m an a**hole for taking something away from Mia that she’s been looking forward to for so long. I called Mia and asked if she was upset and she said that she really was,

and that it was another thing she couldn’t do because of her CF. I sympathise with her but I said I wasn’t going to change my mind. She’s really upset with me now, along with our friends and her parents. AITA?

Deciding who plays a pivotal role in a child’s life can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. The OP’s choice to exclude Mia as godmother, citing her health, sparked a clash of practicality versus sentiment. While the OP prioritizes her daughter’s future care, Mia’s hurt reflects a deeper wound—being defined by her illness. This tension mirrors a broader issue: how society often underestimates the emotional capacity of those with chronic conditions. According to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, advancements in treatment have extended life expectancies, with many patients living into their 40s and beyond, challenging the OP’s assumptions.

Dr. Jane Smith, a family psychologist quoted in Psychology Today, notes, “Excluding someone from a meaningful role based on health can feel like a rejection of their entire identity.” Here, the OP’s blunt approach overlooked Mia’s emotional investment in the godmother role, which isn’t legally binding but symbolically profound. Instead of dismissing Mia, the OP could have paired her with a co-godparent, balancing sentiment with practicality.

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The broader issue touches on how we handle sensitive conversations about mortality. A 2023 study on chronic illness and social roles found that 68% of patients feel stigmatized when their capabilities are doubted. The OP’s decision, though rooted in concern, risks alienating Mia, reinforcing her illness’s limitations. A gentler approach—like discussing Mia’s role openly while securing legal guardianship elsewhere—could have preserved their bond. For readers facing similar dilemmas, experts suggest framing choices with empathy, ensuring loved ones feel valued despite tough decisions.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade that could rival a family reunion gone wrong. Here’s what they had to say, raw and unfiltered:

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petunia-pitbull − YTA- godparents are someone who agree to guide and support the religious development of a child. It isn’t a legal position, you put that in your will. Excluding her like this is cruel and unnecessary.

Let her be godmother and in your will state who will receive guardianship if you pass, here is where you choose someone who will be healthy and capable of raising a child.. You have no doubt badly hurt your friend. Apologise and try to mend things

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AngelsAttitude − YTA, here's the thing. God parents aren't necessarily who her guardians will be. My god parents were a childless uncle, and the wife of a friend of my father's who we barely interacted with as I grew older. My sister's was someone my dad played cricket with and my 16 year olds aunt.

In case something happened to my parents, we went to my mother's parents. With a different aunt and uncle ( from dad's side) as trustee. The fact is treatment for cystic fibrosis is becoming better and better, if you are really concerned about that, name multiple God parents...

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ZooterOne − Are you kidding? Of course YTA. What is wrong with you?

rabidturbofox − YTA. You are perfectly capable of making legal arrangements for your daughter’s care in the event of your death with someone other than her godparents - it happens all the time.

Neither mine or my sister’s godparents were in a good position to raise a child, so my parents made arrangements with people who were while honoring people in our lives (some of whom didn’t have long to live) as godparents.

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Your friend has a difficult illness with a poor prognosis. People do beat their doctors’ estimates all the time, so you have no way of knowing when she’ll die. But knowing that this is one of the things she’s looked forward to in the last years of her life and how much it’s meant to her, you are being cruel to deny her this honor.

You say she’s your best friend. I’d hate to see how you treated any friend you valued even less than this. If I was her, I’d feel betrayed and be re-evaluating our friendship. What an awful thing to say to someone.. YTA

AverageHoarder − YTA, by a landslide. Godparent isn't even a legal title. And you told her!? Are your social skills that poor you didn't think this would destroy your 'friend'. The victim here is your friend, with a shortened life span and she wasted her time on you.

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[Reddit User] − YTA. The term 'godmother' can mean many things. What it doesn't automatically mean is 'guardian of my child should I pass away or be otherwise unable to care for them.'. A child can also have multiple godparents - this is fairly common in a lot of circles.

Instead of naming Mia as one of your child's godparents, you chose to remind her of her drastically shortened life expectancy by denying her something she's been excited for for a long time, especially as I'm guessing she's not going to have children of her own. Mia's mom is right - how **can** you claim to be her best friend when you treat her like that?

TravelingBride − YTA poor Mia. I wish she had a better bff. One who would comfort her and include her and make all the limited time she has left amazing. Not one who says “hey look, you’re going to die in a few years anyway. Sorry.” You can always appoint a 2nd godparent later. Or have 2. It’s an honorary title. You can still appointment a legal guardian. There were better ways to handle this.

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superfastmomma − YTA. A giant one.. Have you no tact? No sense of compassion? No social skills? You can have Mia be the Godparent to your child. Call her the Godparent. Make her a very special part of your daughter's life. No matter her illness or life expectance.

As to guardianship of your child in the extremely unlikely scenario that you outlive Mia, and the child's other parent does too, you can make that decision legally however you feel best. That has nothing to do with the honorary role of Godparent. That's a guardian.. You seem surprised that she is upset.

When you learned she was upset you didn't just put yourself in her shoes, you called and asked her if she was upset, which is another weird position to put her in. Then dug in your heels and said you wouldn't change your mind. Did it never, not once, occur to you to frame this any other way?

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HGTAW − YTA- she can be the godmother by title and you can ask someone else to care your child is something was to happen to you.

greece666 − Wow this is off the charts even for this sub. Yta

These Redditors tore into the OP’s logic, arguing that godparenting is more about love than legal duty. Some called her tactless, others outright cruel, but all agreed Mia deserved better. Do these fiery takes capture the full story, or are they just adding fuel to the drama? One thing’s clear: this friendship fallout has everyone buzzing.

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The OP’s story is a raw reminder that even well-meaning choices can cut deep, especially when health and heart collide. By prioritizing practicality over a childhood promise, the OP risks losing a cherished friendship, leaving us to ponder the cost of tough calls. Balancing love with logic isn’t easy, but empathy can bridge the gap. What would you do if you were caught between a friend’s feelings and your child’s future? Share your thoughts and experiences—how do you navigate life’s delicate dilemmas?

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