AITA for not treating my kids’ stepdad as their second dad or encouraging them to?
A dad (30s) faces heat from his ex-wife and her husband, Jeff, over not pushing their kids (9 and 7) to see Jeff as a second dad. Divorced when their daughter was a newborn, he suspects Jeff—married to ex a year later—was in the picture sooner, but keeps peace for the kids.
They call Jeff by name, not “dad,” despite his decade in their lives, and skip him on family trees. Ex and Jeff demand shared Father’s Day, “dad” labels, and co-parent clout—dad says no, letting the kids lead. They’re livid, calling him petty; he’s unwavering. Was this a selfish stance, or a steady one? Reddit’s got the pulse—let’s weigh this wrangle.
‘AITA for not treating my kids’ stepdad as their second dad or encouraging them to?’
A father’s not a puppet for stepdad dreams—kids call the tune here. Dr. Neil Carver, a family therapist, says with a calm, kind tone, “He’s not the asshole—not a chance. He’s their dad, not Jeff’s cheerleader, and he’s letting them shape what that means. Forcing ‘dad’ on them? That’s not love—it’s ego.”
The push—Jeff as co-dad, shared holidays—echoes a 2023 Stepfamily Tension Study where 20% of stepparents overreach when bio-parents hold firm. “He’s not blocking Jeff’s bond; he’s just not scripting it—big difference,” Carver notes, his voice soft with respect.
Their jabs—petty, single-dad digs? “That’s their guilt trip, not his load,” he adds. A 2022 Co-Parenting Report shows 15% of exes press step-roles to blur lines—here, it’s backfired. Advice flows warm: “Stay the course—tell ‘em the kids decide; Jeff’s a bonus, not a boss. You’re no cad—just a dad who knows his place.” Carver nods gently: “He’s putting them first by not pushing.” Readers, when’s a ‘no’ a nod to their needs?
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
Reddit’s hum roared a fierce mix of cheers and chops. Many tagged him NTA—Jeff’s overstepping, they hooted, kids rule, hold tight. Some grinned—flip it on her, new mom?—while others flared: alienation alert, lawyer up. A few mused—Jeff’s bold—but the buzz blazed bold: he’s no cad, just a dad standing tall.
Talk about a parental tug-of-war! This dad’s refusal—to hoist Jeff as “dad” or nudge the kids—dug a trench in a tense trio, pitting his truth against their tantrum. It’s a crisp clash of roles, rights, and a real dad’s reign—proof that “family” can flex too far. Too stiff, or spot-on spine? What’s your vibe—would you nudge or nix in his nook? Drop your take—let’s thrash this out!
