AITA for not telling people what my ethnicity is?

In a bustling Manhattan café, the clink of coffee cups pauses as a casual question sours the mood. A woman, born and raised in New York, fields the all-too-familiar probe: “Where are you really from?” Her playful dodge—naming her childhood cross streets—irks her friend’s husband, who calls her evasive. For this Chinese-Filipino Redditor, sidestepping ethnicity queries from strangers isn’t secrecy; it’s a shield against clumsy assumptions that make her feel like an outsider in her own city.

This tale of identity and defiance stirs a broader question: why do some feel entitled to know another’s heritage? As her friend urges her to “just answer,” the Reddit community dives into a lively debate about microaggressions and personal boundaries. With sharp wit and raw honesty, this story invites us to explore the delicate dance of belonging in a diverse world.

‘AITA for not telling people what my ethnicity is?’

Dodging nosy questions about ethnicity shouldn’t spark a showdown, but for this Redditor, it’s a social tightrope. Their refusal to answer “Where are you really from?” reflects a stand against microaggressions—subtle slights that signal “you don’t belong.” By citing their Manhattan roots, they assert their American identity, yet the friend’s husband’s annoyance reveals a clash of expectations.

This dynamic isn’t unique. A 2021 Pew Research study found 42% of Asian Americans report being asked about their origins in ways that feel alienating, often by white individuals unaware of the impact. The OP’s selective openness—sharing with Asians or close friends—shows they’re not hiding but protecting their peace. The husband’s reaction suggests discomfort with being denied information he feels entitled to.

Dr. Derald Wing Sue, a psychologist specializing in microaggressions, explains, “Questions like ‘Where are you from?’ can imply someone isn’t a ‘real’ American, even if unintended” (Microaggressions in Everyday Life). His work highlights why the OP’s boundary is valid: it challenges assumptions rooted in racial curiosity. The friend’s advice to “just answer” minimizes the issue, ignoring its emotional weight.

To move forward, the OP could calmly explain how such questions feel, fostering understanding without confrontation. For others, reframing curiosity—asking about cultural traditions rather than origins—builds connection without offense. This approach respects personal boundaries while encouraging dialogue, proving identity doesn’t need to be a battleground.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit rolled up with a mix of fist bumps and raised eyebrows, serving spicy takes on this ethnicity standoff. From clapping back at rude phrasing to debating intent, here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

Redditors mostly backed the OP, cheering their boundary-setting while calling out intrusive questions. Some urged empathy for curious askers, but others saw the husband’s huff as a red flag. Are these takes cutting through the noise or adding to it?

This Manhattan showdown reminds us that questions about identity can hit harder than they seem. The OP’s stand—rooted in pride and frustration—sparks a conversation about belonging in a melting pot. As friends and strangers navigate these waters, empathy and awareness could smooth the ripples. Have you ever faced a question that made you feel “othered”? Share your story—what would you do in this Redditor’s shoes?