AITA for not reimbursing my friend for an ingredient I used for dinner?

A 23-year-old woman is second-guessing herself after asking a mother to have her preteen son wait outside the women’s locker room. She arrived at her community center pool to swim laps and began changing in the empty locker room. A mom in her 40s entered with a boy (around 11–12, middle-school aged, almost her height) and started undressing.

Uncomfortable with no dividers, she politely asked if the boy could wait outside or in the restroom. The mom got annoyed, said “nobody has ever had a problem,” suggested changing in a stall, then accused her of disrespecting mothers. Embarrassed, the woman waited in a stall until they left. Her husband says she’s NTA, but her mom thinks she should’ve just left instead. Was she wrong?

‘AITA for not reimbursing my friend for an ingredient I used for dinner?’

The weekly dinners are a long-standing tradition where he cooks and pays:

She asked to bring visiting friends and requested a special dish with steak:

She brought very expensive steaks; he cooked, everyone enjoyed, but then she asked for reimbursement:

He refused, citing he didn’t eat it and had always paid before; friends are mixed:

UPDATE: After reflection, he plans to address the imbalance directly:

This situation highlights the importance of clear expectations and reciprocity in friendships, especially when one person consistently hosts and provides. Cooking for others is a generous act of care, but it shouldn’t become one-sided. The friend’s expectation that he reimburse her for steaks he never ate or requested is unreasonable and entitled—particularly since she chose a premium cut far beyond his suggested price range.

The “host pays” rule applies mainly to restaurant invitations or formal events, not casual home-cooked meals where the host already covers everything. She requested a meat topping knowing he’s vegetarian and offered to provide the steak herself; that implies she accepted the cost. Asking him to pay after the fact—especially after enjoying the meal and his wine—feels like taking advantage of his generosity.

The friendship has become imbalanced: he cooks, pays, hosts weekly; she contributes less over time and now expects reimbursement for her own choice. This pattern suggests she may have grown too comfortable pushing limits. His plan to address the overall dynamic (past contributions, future expectations) is mature and fair.

Practical advice: Have the honest conversation he’s planning. Frame it around fairness and mutual care, not blame. If she reacts defensively or guilt-trips, it may signal the friendship has run its course. Healthy friendships involve give-and-take; one person shouldn’t always give while the other takes.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit community overwhelmingly supported the man (NTA), calling the friend entitled, presumptuous, and mooching off his generosity.

Most people were shocked at her expectation that he pay for steaks he didn’t eat or request:

You’re not the asshole for refusing to reimburse her for steaks you didn’t eat, request, or benefit from. You’ve generously hosted, cooked, and paid for weekly dinners—her expecting you to cover her premium choice (especially after you suggested a cheaper cut) is presumptuous and unfair.

The “host pays” rule applies to formal invitations or restaurants, not casual home-cooked meals where the guest brings their own special ingredient. Her financial struggles don’t justify shifting the cost onto you after the fact. Your plan to address the overall imbalance is smart—friendships should feel reciprocal, not one-sided. If she reacts poorly, it may be time to reevaluate. You deserve appreciation, not entitlement. Have you had similar experiences with unbalanced friendships? Share below—we’re listening. 🍲