AITA for not offering to host my niece’s shower?
A 34-year-old event planner, known in her family for hosting gatherings—from holiday parties to baby showers—has recently taken a firm stand against being taken advantage of. Despite having generously offered her event hall and planning services for years, she has grown increasingly frustrated with her niece Mary’s behavior.
Mary, now 25, has repeatedly treated her hosted events as mere conveniences, showing up late, barely staying, and failing to show gratitude. This led the planner to decide that she would no longer offer her venue for Mary’s events. With family members divided on the issue, she now wonders if her refusal to host Mary’s upcoming shower makes her the a**hole.
‘AITA for not offering to host my niece’s shower?’
Family dynamics and professional event planning experts emphasize that setting boundaries is crucial when one’s generosity is repeatedly taken for granted. Dr. Melissa Harding, a family dynamics specialist, explains, “When someone consistently provides services or resources out of goodwill, and those gestures are met with ingratitude or exploitative behavior, it is both healthy and necessary to establish clear boundaries. In this case, the event planner’s decision to no longer host her niece’s events is a legitimate response to years of disrespect.”
Dr. Harding continues, “It is important for individuals to protect their own emotional and financial well-being. Accepting assistance or hosting events should be a mutually respectful exchange, not a one-sided obligation. When expectations are repeatedly unmet or taken for granted, refusing future requests is an understandable and justified boundary-setting measure.”
Additionally, event planning consultant Sarah Thompson notes, “In professional settings, clear communication regarding what is offered—and what is not—is essential. If guests continuously deviate from the agreed plan, it is entirely within the provider’s rights to refuse further free services. The event planner here is simply holding her ground after repeatedly being undervalued.”
Both experts underscore that while family relationships are complex, boundaries must sometimes be enforced to preserve one’s own integrity and resources.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
The Reddit community has largely sided with the event planner’s decision. Many commenters stated that after repeated incidents of ungrateful behavior, she was well within her rights to stop offering her services for free. One user commented, “NTA – she’s used you for free gifts and never shows any appreciation. It’s time to set a boundary.”
Others noted that her niece’s behavior, which includes arriving late and leaving early without any thanks, is not only disrespectful but also exploitative. Some voices suggested that perhaps a more diplomatic approach could have been taken, yet the overwhelming sentiment is that after years of being taken advantage of, her decision is justified. A few users even mentioned that her brother and other family members are complicit in enabling this behavior, thereby reinforcing her stance.
In conclusion, this case raises important questions about the limits of generosity in family relationships. The event planner’s decision to stop hosting her niece’s events—after multiple instances of unappreciative and exploitative behavior—is viewed by many as a necessary boundary to protect her time, money, and emotional energy.
While some argue that accepting help from family can be beneficial, others stress that no one should be forced into a role where their kindness is taken for granted. What do you think—should family members continue to offer free help despite repeated ingratitude, or is it fair to draw a line after a certain point? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
