AITA for not letting my daughter around his gf?

A 32-year-old new mom welcomed her baby girl in August, only to face drama from the 42-year-old father’s new girlfriend—who called her one night cursing both her and the newborn until paternity was proven.

The couple split early in the pregnancy over his infidelity, and soon after, he moved in with this new woman. Her aggressive phone call led the mom to block direct contact and insist the girlfriend stay away from the baby, especially since the dad still hasn’t completed his part of the paid-for DNA test despite plenty of chances to be involved.

‘AITA for not letting my daughter around his gf?’

The drama unfolded right after the birth, with the father showing little interest from the start:

I am a 32(f) I just had a baby girl back in august. The father of my child 42(m) and I broke up 4 months into my pregnancy due to...

She then called my phone out of the nowhere 8:00pm at night telling me f*** me and my daughter until the DNA test comes back. I then blocked him from...

I told him I had no problem giving him a dna test for our daughter and even offered to do the non-invasive one while I was pregnant but he declined....

After being released from the hospital I took my daughter to get the dna test done and still he has yet to go do his part even though the test...

In an update, she shared more about her concerns and legal steps:

I also told him his gf is not allowed around our daughter because she seems not too happy about our daughter existence. He then proceeds to tell me in order...

I’ve also proposed that we all meet up because maybe she’s not a bad person. He’s declined that. I’ve also bought everything that she has needed since he said he...

So now he’s claiming I won’t let him see her but I’ve told him he can without the gf since we can’t meet. So am I the a__hole for setting...

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The girlfriend’s outburst—calling to curse out a new mom and her infant—is a massive red flag that screams hostility. Any reasonable parent would keep their newborn far away from someone acting that aggressively, and the dad’s failure to shut it down raises serious questions about his judgment.

Right now, since they’re unmarried and he’s not on the birth certificate, the mom holds full legal rights in her state. This gives her complete control over who sees the baby, making her boundary perfectly valid while paternity remains unestablished.

Family law experts consistently stress that an infant’s safety, both physical and emotional, comes first. Introducing a volatile stranger isn’t worth the risk, especially when the dad has skipped the birth, declined prenatal testing, and still hasn’t completed his side of the paid DNA kit.

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Bottom line: get everything formalized through court—force the paternity test, secure child support, and establish custody. Document those threatening messages as evidence in case restrictions on the girlfriend are needed down the line.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Most online users side firmly with the mom, urging her to protect her baby and go legal fast:

Away-Understanding34 - NTA. Do you have a lawyer? If not, get one. Get a court ordered test, get child support, and draw up a custody agreement. Check with your lawyer...

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dart1126 - NTA But, you’re focusing on the wrong ‘punishment’. Neither of them care about the baby. Get that clear and straight in your head. Stop letting him jerk around...

Throw-Away-SNAPS - NTA, but go to court and get a custody agreement. His lack of participation in the paternity test and any foul messages will work in your favor, too.

TheGoodJeans - NTA, but you need to seek a lawyer and get a co-parenting agreement set up in writing.

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[Reddit User] - You need a lawyer and a court order. Not reddit.

SummerStar62 - Get a lawyer and file for permanent legal custody, so you have a judgment filed. File for child support immediately. The judge will make him finish the paternity...

Make sure you keep copies of the correspondence from him too, by the way. This includes text messages and any voicemails. Have all your ducks in a row as soon...

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In the meantime, she (the gf) is currently a non-issue. He can’t make you let her see the child or attempt to demand any kind of relationship between them until...

ColdstreamCapple - I think you need to go to court and get a custody agreement in place

J-littletree - Take him to court asap

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One_Impression9465 - Take this to court. I’m not even joking. They will FORCE him to do the DNA test and when custody is being discussed you can voice your concerns...

NTA but stop trying to get this moron to act right and go for the best way to support your daughter in the long run A few take a more...

Apart-Scene-9059 - No judgement but I doubt you really get a choice in that in reality. Once the DNA test comes back he will be offered some kind of unsupervised...

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Huge_Security7835 - This is a legal question, not a AITA question. Legally, once he is established as the father you get no say in the girlfriend being around your child...

And the more difficult you are about this now may backfire on you if this gets in front of a judge. As long as the gf is not a danger...

OGBrewSwayne - Is there a court order setting the terms for custody, child support, and visitation schedules? Because if none of that exists, then technically you are not obligated to...

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However, if and when all of that is established by the court, you absolutely can not dictate whether or not his girlfriend can be present, unless you have an extremely...

So even though you can make that call now if you want to, you really need to ask yourself if this is a hill you want to die on? Because...

So if you take that stance right now, understand that this will only be temporary, and all you're doing is pissing off the person you need to co-parent with. YWBTA

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Accomplished_Sky_857 - NTA. I wouldn't let my child, infant or not, around people I don't know. Most people wouldn't. Just because he has chosen to be with her doesn't mean...

Get a lawyer, and get custody if you need to (in some U. S. states, if you aren't married at the time of a baby's birth, neither parent has "legal...

If he was that gung ho about it, the DNA test would have been done, and he wouldn't be absent. The fact that gf is OK being with a man...

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24601moamo - YTA. I struggle with this too but if it's his kid, unfortunately you have no control over who he let's in your kids life. You don't yet to...

Until then, yes you are withholding his child and that will not look good in court. Get a lawyer and a lot of wine for when you have to hand...

All things considered, the mom is absolutely justified in shielding her newborn from someone who’s already shown outright hostility, especially while the dad hasn’t stepped up legally or emotionally.

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That said, many point out this control is temporary—getting court orders in place soon will protect the baby’s interests long-term. What would you do in her shoes—hold the line forever on the girlfriend, or ease up once everything’s official? Would you even let the dad visit solo right now? Sound off below!

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