AITA for not inviting my husband on a “family” trip?

Picture a lively Texas dinner, the kind where laughter bounces off the walls and BBQ sauce stains the napkins. Amid the chatter, a father announces a dream trip to a Montana dude ranch, a prize won at an auction. His kids’ eyes light up—except for one husband, who shuts it down with a curt, “Oh, we can’t do that!” His wife, caught off guard, feels a pang of disappointment. This is no ordinary family squabble; it’s a tale of sisterly bonding, marital missteps, and a woman finding her voice.

The woman, our OP, yearns for a rare getaway with her sisters, a chance to reconnect since their mother’s passing. But her husband’s frosty silence after being “uninvited” casts a shadow. Reddit’s AITA community dives into this domestic drama, unpacking family dynamics and personal boundaries. Was she wrong to prioritize sister time? Let’s saddle up and explore this Montana-sized mess, where emotions run as wild as the ranch’s mustangs.

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‘AITA for not inviting my husband on a “family” trip?’

I have 4 sisters and 1 brother. My father won a trip to a Montana dude ranch at an auction … we all life in Texas. He said we all should go. Husband and I had dinner, just the three of us, when Dad told us about it. Husband immediately chimed in “oh we can’t do that!” Dad looked a little surprised.

Meanwhile, my eldest sister and her family are going. She sent a private text to us other sisters asking us to “PLEASE COME! We will make it a girls trip”… even though her hubby, and adult son with fiancé are going. Two sisters said “I’m in!” … now I want to go, and have airplane points to fly.

So I told my hubby I’m going, to which he gave a “hmmmm”. At Sunday lunch, my eldest sister brought it up, that it’s a “Girls Trip, with the addition of my husband, son and his male friend from Montana, and his fiancé will join the girls!”

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So my nephew at the table questioned “Uncle Frank, aren’t you coming? It will be fun!” Hubby said very curtly “Well APPARENTLY it’s a ‘Girls Trip’ and I wasn’t invited!” and he elbowed me and has been giving me the silent treatment since.

Hubby goes on every trip my father pays for. I just want some sister time. Hubby and I went to California last fall for our 30 year anniversary. I’d really just like one trip with my sisters… am I the a**hole?????? 

UPDATE: I want to genuinely thank you all for your constructive comments. As some have noted, I have been a doormat for a large portion of this marriage. Seven years ago, I went back to college and got the degree. I finally wanted. My husband has seen a change in me, that has benefited me, but not so much him.

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Through all of the frustrations, ups and downs of life, our marriage is worth saving, but with changes. Since my mother passed away in 2023, I have been much more assertive about the changes that I need to see. Our marriage garden needs tending, but at least it’s not overgrown with weeds anymore.

I will not be going on the trip. Not because of the issues in this post, but our youngest son just announced he is proposing to his girlfriend the same weekend as the trip. I will be attending the proposal, and Hubby has been invited, and I hope he attends as well. 🤣🤣🤣 OTHERWISE I will be giving HIM an elbow!

Family trips can stir up more than just campfire embers. OP’s dilemma—balancing sisterly bonding with marital harmony—touches on a universal tug-of-war: individual desires versus partnership expectations. Her husband’s snap decision to decline the trip for both of them sparked the conflict, while OP’s choice to go solo fanned the flames. Let’s unpack this with some expert insight.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, notes, “Healthy marriages thrive on mutual respect and shared decision-making” say personal time strengthens family ties. Her assertiveness, honed since earning her degree, shows growth, but it clashed with her husband’s expectations.

This isn’t just about a trip; it’s about power dynamics. OP’s husband leaned on past family-funded vacations, perhaps feeling entitled to join. Yet, OP craved a boundary—time with her sisters, free from spousal oversight. The “girls’ trip” label, though muddied by other men attending, was her attempt to carve out space. Dr. Gottman advises couples to “turn toward each other” during conflict. OP could initiate a calm talk, acknowledging her husband’s feelings while explaining her need for sisterly connection.

For solutions, communication is key. OP might propose a compromise—like a future couples’ trip—to ease tensions. Couples therapy, as Reddit suggested, could help them navigate decision-making habits. By addressing this respectfully, they can tend their “marriage garden,” as OP poignantly put it, without letting weeds take over.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support, shade, and head-scratching questions. It’s like a family reunion where everyone’s got an opinion and no one’s shy about it. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

wolfdrummer13 − NTA... so your father said 'we should all go,' and your husband said 'oh we can't do that.' If I'm understanding that correctly, then he *was* invited, and he uninvited himself. All that language about 'girl's trip' aside, it seems just that simple. He was invited, what on earth is he talking about? Also... is there some scheduling conflict, or some other legitimate burden? Why was he so quick to say that you both can't do that?

PromiseThomas − INFO: Have you asked him why he immediately said “oh we can’t do that”? It kind of feels like he’s being petty for no reason because he didn’t want to go in the first place and now he has an excuse, but it’s hard to tell.

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AcrossTheUniverse82 − I’m confused. Like he sounded bad at first saying that yall weren’t going right away, but then you said you want to go without him to enjoy a girls trip with your sisters, but other husbands are going….

Flower-of-Telperion − INFO: 'Husband immediately chimed in 'oh we can’t do that!''. ...why did he say that?

RoyallyOakie − INFO...Was there any discussion with your husband between 'We can't do that' and 'it's a girl's trip?' This seems like two completely different situations.

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UarNotMe − INFO: Will someone let me know when OP explains *why* husband initially declined and *why* it’s not okay for him to come along if he’s now changed his mind?. I looked through comments and I don’t see any responses from OP yet on those questions.. Edit: my vote is ESH — it sounds like everyone sucks

Obvious-Diver-4086 − Nta Maybe he needs to be reminded he was the one who said we can't do that. He uninvited himself. 

StAlvis − INFO. Husband immediately chimed in “oh we can’t do that!”. WTF is this about? *Can't?*

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Flaky-Ad-3265 − Why isn’t your dad going if he won the trip?

eregyrn − Some things about this write up are confusing. But I don’t get why so many people here are hung up on the “girls trip” wording. So long as the husbands/sons know they can come too, it’s not exclusionary.

People in these comments are acting like it’s some legal term, lol.. The bigger problem here is that your husband is overbearing, and you’re being a doormat. It was wrong of him to decline for both of you, to YOUR family’s invitation. If you do nothing else as a result of this, put a stop to that s**t.

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That’s a**hole behavior from him, and you should not put up with it. Spouses should consult each other. Did you not even question him about why he did that? Why have you not included that in the post, either way? It’s important to the story.

Second confusing point: he said, at a gathering with more of your family, that he wasn’t invited. Why did you not correct him immediately? He lied to everyone. Why are you letting him get away with lying and making YOU look like the bad guy?

The fact that you’re even asking if you’re the a**hole in this situation makes it clear how dysfunctional this aspect of your marriage is. He’s got YOU thinking you’re in the wrong for decisions HE made without your input. (And now he’s acting like a child about it.

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The person subjecting others to “the silent treatment” is always the a**hole.) You need marriage counseling. And you yourself need some therapy, to work on your sense of self worth, and apparent inability to stand up for yourself even in a simple, low-stakes situation.

Go on the trip. Tell your husband he can change his mind and come, or not, that’s up to him. But tell him this is the last time he answers for both of you without a discussion about it between you first. (And a discussion is not just him telling you what to do.) NTA. Although you’ve kind of been being an a**hole to yourself for a long time by putting up with this.

These Redditors rallied for OP’s right to sister time, called out her husband’s overreach, or puzzled over his initial refusal. Some saw the “girls’ trip” as a flimsy excuse; others urged OP to stand firm. But do these hot takes nail the full picture, or are they just stirring the pot?

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OP’s story reminds us that family trips can reveal more than scenic views—they expose the fault lines in our closest bonds. Her journey to assert herself while navigating her husband’s hurt feelings is a relatable tightrope walk. In the end, she chose her son’s proposal over the trip, a move that prioritizes family milestones. Yet, the underlying issues—communication and boundaries—linger, ripe for tending. What would you do if caught between sibling bonding and a spouse’s expectations? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this ranch-side chat going!

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