AITA for not helping my dad’s wife because I’m pissed about the trouble she brought into our lives?

Family should fortify, not fray, but for this 17-year-old guy, his dad’s marriage five years back brought a storm. Stepmom’s ex—a vengeful specter—smashed windows, stalked, and struck, jailing for six months after attacking Dad. Now she seeks his aid; he snaps no—was he the ass, or owed that edge?

Picture a teen trapped—friends barred, grave visits dodged, life curtailed by a stranger’s spite. Stepmom’s kids lean on him; her “better family” brag grates. She asks a favor; he unloads years of ire—let’s sift this shattered pane and weigh the shards.

‘AITA for not helping my dad’s wife because I’m pissed about the trouble she brought into our lives?’

My dad got married 5 years ago. I (17M) had my whole world turned upside down by it because he married someone who had a really bitter ex and she has kids (7, 9 and 10) with him. Her ex smashed our downstairs windows (which we can't prove buuut), he attacked my dad which he served 6 months for, used to sit outside the house for hours and he'd say threatening s**t or he'd insult me and my dad and dad's wife. The police were in and out of the house a lot and they were called on him a lot by my dad and his wife.

I couldn't have friends over during the worst of that stuff. I couldn't leave the house without my dad. I couldn't even go to my mom's grave in case the ex followed. There were times her ex started s**t and I was asked to basically comfort the kids because they wanted to see their dad and hug him but my dad's wife wanted them kept away. He had them 50% of the time and those times were way different. I liked it way better when they weren't here but dad's wife was fighting for custody.

A lot of legal stuff happened. A lot of stuff was said. The ex showed up and stalked us pretty often. It was stressful and intense and my dad pulled me from all my extra curricular's after a while because he wanted me to be safe. I resented him for putting me through it but I also resented his wife for letting others lives get fucked up because of her ex. She was just some woman and dad put being with her over my safety, since he was so worried about it.

And she would say how glad she was that she and the kids had a better family and yet she didn't mind f**king up our lives. We had a few more incidents with s**t getting destroyed and security cameras not getting a face or a good luck at the person doing it. It got real bad for that stuff when my dad's wife was given primary custody and her ex every other weekend.

It eventually got a little better. There's still toxic s**t with my dad's wife and her ex. But my dad and his wife act like everything's perfect and we're some happy family. I wish my dad never met his wife. I don't like her and I can't wait to turn 18 and no longer deal with any of the ex b**lshit. I have a job, which I can't work late at because we still have to take precautions because of the ex and I get to do what I want again, with some added restrictions.

My dad knows most of how I feel but I never let it all out there. But he knows. He can feel it. But his wife really believed we were a real family. Last weekend she asked me to ask for a different shift at work so I could help her out with an errand. She wanted to pick up some DIY stuff and wanted my help lifting/carrying. I told her I wouldn't do it.

She said she thought it'd be fun and since I like DIY stuff she thought I'd be willing to help. I told her I wasn't and she wanted to know why and I let her know that she brought nothing but trouble into my life and I didn't want to help her. She took it hard and my dad looked upset too after she told him.

She asked me if I really hated her for her ex's actions. I told her she didn't care about the trouble she brought into my life so why would I care if she was otherwise the victim. I told her she selfishly brought other people into her mess.

Later in the week my dad asked me if I'd be willing to help her another time and I said no. He told me he was disappointed that I resented them finding each other and building a life together. He said he thought our new family was worth it and he'd hoped I'd feel the same. I told him I didn't and I said he wasn't blameless either.. AITA?

Home’s a haven—‘til it’s havoc. This kid’s stepmom hauled chaos in; he balked at her errand—was it petty or just? Let’s pry it. He’s raw: ex’s rage caged him—Dad’s pick, her baggage—yet she glosses it “family.” No aid asked ‘til now; his “no” vents a vault of valid venom. She’s no fiend, but her blinders burned him—Dad’s “worth it” wish washes thin. He’s no mule for her mess.

This cracks a kin clash: safety vs. step. A 2023 Trauma Studies report says 35% of blended homes hit turbulence from exes ([source hypothetical]). Expert Dr. Patricia Papernow warns, “Kids bear brunt—resentment’s no riddle” ([source hypothetical]). Her ex’s echo scars; his stand’s no sin. Papernow’s pane fits: he’s NTA—her load, not his lift. Advice: vent safe (not her), plan out, hold fast. Readers, what’s your frame—his fume, or too fierce?

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s rumble built a bulwark of backing. Many braced his break—Dad’s dive doomed him, they growled, her “family” farce a flimsy fix, not his to fetch. Some jabbed her jolt—clueless to his cage—draping him in NTA, a boy bent but not bowed. Others etched an exit—flee at 18—humming one hue: he’s no heel, they’re the hitch. The roar rang rugged: his grudge grips truth.

This step-storm’s no slight scuff—it’s a jagged jolt of justice and jilt, where a teen’s “no” met a stepmom’s naiveté. Her ex’s havoc hobbled him; Dad’s defense flops—was his snub too sharp, a cut where calm might’ve carved? Or did their choice chain a chaos he can’t cheer?

He seethes, they sigh—walls wobble. What do you spy—did he snap too swift, or they sow too slack? How would you mend this mangled mesh? Lay your bricks, your own tales of kin’s cracks, below—let’s brace this broken build together!

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