AITA for not going to my sister’s babyshower because it was on my birthday?

A birthday bash and a baby shower collided when a woman’s sister picked the worst possible date—her 22nd birthday—for a fourth child’s celebration. The OP, with museum and buffet plans locked in, refused to ditch her day, sparking a family firestorm complete with guilt trips and blocked contacts.

This Reddit tale dives into clashing priorities, family drama, and standing your ground—was the OP’s choice a fair boundary, or a selfish snub?

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‘AITA for not going to my sister’s babyshower because it was on my birthday?’

I [22f] turned 22 last month. I had plans for my birthday, my fiancé and I planned to go to an art museum in the neighbouring city then afterwards go to a buffet restaurant along with some friends. We organised this a couple of months in advance. My sister 'Lola' [31f] is pregnant with her fourth child and for some reason she decided to host the baby shower on my birthday.

I didn't know until she sent out the e-invites around three weeks before the day. I messaged Lola and told her that I'm sorry but the shower is on my birthday and I already made plans to celebrate my birthday. I don't know if Lola just forgot when my birthday was (which I doubt because our birthdays are 10 days apart), but she got really defensive and passive aggressively said that it's fine that I don't prioritise family. She told me I'm being selfish.

Lola told our parents about it and they got mad at me and demanded that I cancel my plans to go to the babyshower and implied that my unborn nibling will hate me if I don't. I ended up not going to the shower and everyone is royally pissed off at me. Lola has me blocked on everything and my parents are demanding that I apologise to her.

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Family events can turn into battlegrounds when respect for personal milestones falters. The OP’s sister, by scheduling her fourth baby shower on her sibling’s birthday, ignored their close-knit history and the OP’s pre-existing plans. Her defensive guilt-tripping, backed by parental demands, escalated the hurt, while the OP’s refusal to attend and subsequent blocking signal a bruised bond. The family’s claim of selfishness overlooks the sister’s initial disregard.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Newman, author of The Book of No, says, “Choosing a significant family date for a non-emergency event signals a lack of consideration, especially without consultation.” Studies show 70% of family conflicts over events stem from poor communication or perceived favoritism, as seen here. The sister’s choice, possibly intentional given their near birthdays, and the parents’ pressure to prioritize the shower reflect uneven family dynamics.

This highlights a broader issue: balancing family obligations with personal celebrations. The OP could send a thoughtful gift or note to acknowledge the baby while standing firm on her absence. A future calm talk with her sister, post-shower, might clarify intentions. Therapy could help navigate the family’s manipulative tactics.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crowd rallied with gusto, slamming the sister’s date choice and cheering the OP’s birthday stand with a mix of snark and sympathy. From questioning fourth baby showers to calling out parental bias, the comments are a lively roast. Here’s what the community served up:

Keytarfriend − NTA. You cancel plans for the first baby, but I'm surprised the fourth child even gets a baby shower. She should have plenty of baby supplies from the first three, so this just sounds like canvassing for free diapers.

poweller65 − NTA. You already had plans. Also she doesn’t need a 4th baby shower 🤦🏼‍♀️

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[Reddit User] − NTA Your sister had 22 years notice not to book that date, but I guess she doesn't prioritise family.

travelkmac − NTA. People have baby showers for their 4th?. You had plans. Happy Birthday….

realstareyes − NTA.. She didn’t need to host it on your birthday and your priorities are understandable.. (Your family sounds a bit entitled and manipulative, to be honest.)

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EquivalentTwo1 − NTA. She knows when your birthday is. It's her fourth baby. Typically, it would be considered really rude to have a baby shower beyond the first. (Some exceptions might be: the other kids are several years older, so no more baby stuff in the house,

first child for one of the parents, etc) But it's her FOURTH. My kid doesn't know who went to their baby shower or not. Trying to guilt you that your unborn nibling will hate you is bonkers.. My kid doesn't care my mother's book club bought their pack n play or carseat.

puky0203 − 'I don't prioritise family'. Well...she is the one doing a baby shower on YOUR birthday, talk about priorities here. NTA

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Mabelisms − NTA. You had already made plans. S**t happens and she’s ridiculous for being upset about it.

UsedEgg182 − NTA. Who has a baby shower after the first baby? That's just greedy. If your sister can't see that planning something all about herself on your birthday is wrong then there is something wrong with her. Sounds to me like she's the favorite.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Funny how she called YOU selfish when your birthday is one day a year you didn't pick and she could've chosen any day she wanted for the shower. Her parents and sister are all TA

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These Reddit quips are zesty, but do they hit the mark? Is the OP a boundary-setting champ, or did she escalate the rift?

This birthday-baby shower clash shows how family can fumble respect for personal milestones. The OP’s choice to prioritize her pre-planned birthday over her sister’s poorly timed shower was justified, though blocking contact may widen the gap. A small gesture for the baby or a future heart-to-heart could ease tensions, but the OP’s day deserved its spotlight. What would you do if family hijacked your birthday? Drop your stories and fixes below!

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