AITA for not going to my dad’s house when my dad isn’t even there even if I’m “needed”?

In a small town where family ties are tested, a 16-year-old boy stands at a crossroads, caught between his father’s new life and his own sense of self. His parents’ divorce, sparked by his dad’s infidelity, left him and his brother shuttling between homes, with one weekend a month spent at their dad’s house—often without him there. Imagine the sting of being summoned not for love, but for babysitting or fixing a broken pipe, all by a stepmom he never warmed to.

Now, at an age where he can say “no,” he’s digging in his heels, refusing to visit when his dad’s on the road. His stepmom’s texts pile up, pleading for help, but he’s done playing stand-in. Readers, can you feel his quiet rebellion? Let’s unpack his story and see where loyalty truly lies.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA for not going to my dad’s house when my dad isn’t even there even if I’m “needed”?’

My parents divorced when me (16m) and my brother (19m) were 1 and 4 years old. Dad admits he cheated because he was on the road a lot and mom couldn't deal with him anymore. He worked away 3 weeks a month and would be home one week a month. So after the divorce we saw him one week a month like always.

He got married again when I was 7. I never liked his wife. Neither did my brother. She and my dad have kids together and when she had their first together baby dad and her requested the court change the custody agreement so me and my brother would spend more time with our half siblings. Mom fought it. We didn't want it either.

But the judge decided we should go one weekend a month when dad wasn't there so we'd have more time with our halfs. Dad and his wife tried to change that to a full week but were denied. A clause was added that we could stop going that extra weekend once we reached the age of 14. My brother turned 14 on the Friday we should have been going there and he didn't go.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dad's wife was pissed and fought mom about it but my brother got to say no. When I turned 14 I made the same choice. Though I turned 14 a different week so it was something more expected when I refused to go. My dad's wife didn't like it more when I refused. She tried to swear some more at mom about it but mom wrote down the incident and said her lawyer would love to hear it so dad's wife shut up.

There were times my dad wasn't around and his wife wanted help. Once it was something broke and she wanted me or my brother to fix it, other times it was she needed something at the store and the kids were sick, babysitting was another one, and a bunch of other things. We'd always say no.

Last weekend dad's wife sent a text saying she needed me to babysit because she was called into work for the weekend and her babysitter wasn't around and nobody else could do it. I told her no. She said it was one weekend and I should be going there more to see the kids anyway. I told her not my problem. I never wanted to be there when dad wasn't.

ADVERTISEMENT

That was never my decision to go and she needed to shut up and stop bothering me. My dad called the next night and we talked about what happened. He said his wife was upset and he wanted to know why I never go to his house for a weekend or even a few hours while he's not there, to see my half siblings.

I said I didn't want to. And I told him I was tired of her trying to get me over there when I don't want to. He said me and my brother could be better about this and I could spend some time one weekend a month there. I said I'm already there the weekend he is.

Dad told me it's not the point and I could go and visit my stepmom (which I always gag when people call her that) and half siblings. I know my dad's disappointed in me but if he wanted me and my brother to be closer to his new family he should be around. Without him I don't feel like I need to. But AITA for not going when he's not there?

ADVERTISEMENT

Family drama can feel like navigating a minefield, especially when divorce and new siblings enter the picture. This teen’s refusal to visit his dad’s house without his father present is a bold stand for autonomy. His stepmother’s insistence on his help—babysitting, errands, repairs—smacks of convenience, not connection, and his father’s absence only widens the gap.

The heart of the issue is obligation versus choice. At 16, he’s old enough to decide where he spends his time, especially after years of a court-mandated setup he never wanted. His stepmother’s push for bonding feels one-sided, ignoring his discomfort and the lack of a genuine relationship. His father, meanwhile, seems to guilt-trip him into playing happy family, despite being absent three weeks a month. It’s a classic case of adults expecting kids to fix their fractured dynamics.

This reflects a broader issue: the emotional burden on children of divorce. A 2019 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that children in blended families often feel pressured to prioritize new family members over their own needs, leading to stress and resentment (apa.orgm). This teen’s boundaries are a healthy response to that pressure.

ADVERTISEMENT

For now, he should hold his ground calmly, perhaps saying, “I’ll visit when you’re home, but I’m not comfortable otherwise.” His father could explore local resources, like family mediation through organizations like the National Family Mediation (https://www.nfm.org.uk/), to foster better communication.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s crew swoops in with fiery takes, serving up support and a side of sass.

Notyohunbabe − NTA. I think dad’s wife wants some free child care when her husband isn’t around

ADVERTISEMENT

dearlytarg − NTA. Your stepmom just wants a free babysitter, or someone to clean up her mess. You have no obligation towards her, or your half-siblings, nor you have an obligation to go for the weekend your dad's not there. You are 16, and your brother is an adult already.

Your dad's wife and your dad needs to understand that this whole dream of 'being one big happy family' will not happen. Good job in keeping your boundaries, and don't let yourself be consumed by guilt. Remember, you have no obligation towards them.

CandylandCanada − NTA Note that the 'need' is one-sided. They only 'need' you there because they haven't made appropriate child-care arrangements. You have no need to be there.. The absolute gall of dad saying that you and brother 'could be better about this'. You first, dad. BTW, she isn't your step-mother and never will be.

ADVERTISEMENT

That is not a designation that exists in law; there is no legal term to describe the person who marries a parent. It's an honorific that that the child bestows if and when the relationship develops to that point. If dad and his wife continue to badger you about this then throw that little nugget out and watch them full-on lose their minds.

zenFieryrooster − It’s always amazing how people get all puffy when the consequences of their s**tty actions come back to bite them in the ass. NTA for not playing into the “happy family” narrative that your dad and his affair partner want so badly. They want you around not only for free help,

but so your half siblings think how their parents got together is normal and people are okay with it. It sounds like you don’t take it out on your half siblings, so kudos to you. You don’t have to babysit them, because that’s your dad and his affair partner’s responsibility.

ADVERTISEMENT

ETA: just got corrected: dad’s wife wasn’t an affair partner. Dad is still pretty s**tty for forcing the kids to go hang out with his wife and their half siblings when he’s not there. OP not having to pay along with the happy family narrative nor being responsible for the half-siblings’ care still stands.

InfamousCup7097 − Tell your dad that maybe it's time he switches careers so he is more available to be a parent to all the kids he brought into the world and that you are not responsible for his wife or his other kids, him and his wife need to figure it out. Nta

d4m1ty − NTA -. He said me and my brother could be better about this. Dad, you could have kept your pants zipped up. You chose to cheat then forced everyone else to accommodate *you*. I am choosing too now to not be forced to accommodate it anymore.

ADVERTISEMENT

SageBreezet − Your dad prioritized his new family, and it's clear you never felt comfortable with that arrangement, so you're not obligated to play along when he's absent.

Fabulous-Sympathy-63 − NTA.  Tell your father he could have been a better father and husband to your mom.  But hey, that's life.  You were forced to deal with his lack of integrity, so he has to deal with your lack of interest in his second family.

Cool_Relative7359 − NTA 'If it was always okay for you to spend one week out of the whole month with your wife and children as the literal husband and father in two families, why would you expect *me* to spend, or want to spend, more time than *you* do with your new wife who was also your affair partner, and your kids?

ADVERTISEMENT

Like, you're their dad and you want me as their half sibling to be around more and pit more effort into the second family that you chose to break up ours for? Talk about hypocrisy. No. I'm not going there more, or trying to have a relationship with your wife, once I'm an adult we can see each other one-on-one or not at all'

dncrmom − NTA maybe your dad could do better finding a new job where he isn’t gone 3 week out of the month.

These Redditors are all-in on boundaries, but do their calls to shut down stepmom’s pleas hold up when family ties are on the line?

ADVERTISEMENT

This teen’s stand is a masterclass in knowing your worth, even when family guilt trips loom large. His story challenges us to ask: when does duty to family outweigh personal comfort? By choosing himself, he’s carving out space to grow. What would you do if you were him—bend to family pressure or hold the line? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *