AITA for not giving my brother and his wife any privacy?

Home is supposed to be a sanctuary, a place where you can relax and be yourself. But what happens when that sanctuary becomes a battleground over personal space? In today’s story, a 42-year-old man shares the bitter fallout after his brother and sister-in-law moved in with him out of financial necessity.

Initially, he welcomed them into his modest one-bedroom apartment, even providing a blow-up mattress to ease the transition. For the first month, the cramped conditions were manageable. However, as time went on, his brother and his wife began to assert control over the living room—a space that was once his haven. They started scheduling their own time in the room, leaving him with a strict timetable for even the simplest moments of relaxation.

Now, after overhearing hurtful comments from mutual friends and being told he’s “creepy” for wanting constant access to his own space, he wonders if he’s the asshole for demanding the privacy he’s always had. Is standing firm on his right to use his home like this unreasonable, or is it a necessary assertion of personal boundaries?

‘AITA for not giving my brother and his wife any privacy?’

When household boundaries are continuously violated, the need to reassert personal space is both understandable and necessary. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “Personal space is a fundamental need, especially in a shared living arrangement.

When you allow others to dictate how and when you can use your own home, you risk losing a part of your identity and emotional well-being.” In this case, the husband’s frustration isn’t about being selfish—it’s about protecting his own sanctuary and mental health after accommodating family in a time of need.

Dr. Markham further notes that “Clear communication about boundaries is crucial, even if it means creating uncomfortable situations. If one party is imposing a schedule that limits another’s access to their own home, it is a violation of personal rights.” The husband’s decision to reject the imposed timetable is a stand for his right to a shared space where he can decompress after work.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman adds, “In any relationship, especially in a familial context, respect for each other’s personal space is key. When that respect is eroded, conflicts can escalate quickly. It is not only about physical space, but also about the emotional territory one claims.” Dr. Gottman’s perspective supports the notion that while the brother and his wife may have had good intentions initially, their gradual encroachment on his living space oversteps the acceptable boundaries in any cohabitation scenario.

Moreover, experts emphasize that while it is generous to help family in times of need, it should not come at the expense of one’s own mental health. “Balancing generosity with self-care is critical,” Dr. Markham concludes. “If your home feels like a prison due to imposed schedules and restrictions, it is both healthy and necessary to push back.” His insights reaffirm that the husband’s reaction is a legitimate expression of his need to reclaim his personal space.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Several redditors expressed strong support for his stance. One user commented, “You’re not being unreasonable at all—your home is your sanctuary. If your family is turning your living space into their private schedule, you have every right to push back. Personal space is sacred.”

Another group shared similar experiences of having their boundaries ignored. One commenter wrote, “When family moves in, things get messy, but setting clear limits is essential. I say stand your ground; it’s not about being ungrateful, it’s about preserving your own well-being.”

Ultimately, insisting on your right to privacy in your own home isn’t selfish—it’s essential self-care. When your living space becomes dictated by someone else’s schedule, it’s natural to push back and reclaim the freedom to relax on your own terms.

While accommodating your brother and his wife in a time of need was generous, it does not give them carte blanche to control your home. This case raises an important question: How do we balance family obligations with the need for personal space?

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Have you ever had to assert your boundaries in your own home against well-meaning family? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights could help others navigate the delicate balance between generosity and self-care.