AITA for not forcing daughter to visit her dad?

Imagine a mom caught between a stubborn ex and a teenage daughter with her first Valentine’s date on the line. For one Redditor, co-parenting’s a maze—her ex lives states away, popping in once a year like a rare comet. They’ve got a court order for visits, a shared calendar, and usually, wide-open weekends. But when he picked Valentine’s—smack in the middle of her birthday and her daughter’s big crush moment—she suggested a swap. He dug in, tempers flared, and now her 13-year-old’s dodging him for a movie date.

He’s fuming, threatening cops and courts, while she’s stuck—pushing her daughter to see him, but not ready to hog-tie her into it. The girl’s got her heart set on this milestone; Dad’s got his pride. Is Mom the villain for letting her choose, or just a referee in a no-win game?

‘AITA for not forcing daughter to visit her dad?’

Letting your child have a say in visitation arrangements is crucial, especially during those formative teenage years. Dr. John Gottman, a well-known relationship expert, once said, “Respecting the emotional needs of all parties is key to maintaining healthy relationships.” In this case, the mother’s decision to not force her daughter into an unwanted visit highlights a growing consensus among family therapists: a child’s voice matters.

Family psychologists argue that forcing a reluctant teenager into a visit can have long-lasting negative impacts on the parent-child bond. Research published on Psychology Today (https://www.psychologytoday.com) shows that honoring a child’s autonomy not only fosters trust but also helps maintain a positive co-parenting environment.

In flexible visitation arrangements, both parents work together to ensure that the child’s best interests are prioritized. Here, the mother’s insistence on respecting her daughter’s feelings is a step toward preventing further emotional distress and ensuring that future interactions are built on mutual respect and understanding.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s chiming in with gusto—here’s the dish, served with a wink: “The online squad’s tossing takes sweeter than a Valentine’s candy haul, and they’ve got plenty to chew on!” Weezil3 calls her NTA, pointing out the court order needs mutual agreement—Dad blew it, and teens’ opinions carry weight now.

UnionStewardDoll dubs him a “Disneyland Dad,” only showing up for flashy moments, not real connection, and bets he’s too busy with his own life to care. SG131 urges her to call his bluff—cops won’t touch this, and she should back off pushing the kid, respecting her choice.

So, where’s this mom landing? She’s not hauling her daughter to Dad’s doorstep, and that’s no crime—teens aren’t chess pieces. He’s mad, but his once-a-year cameo doesn’t trump her first-date glow. Mom’s keeping the lines open—ball’s in his court to rebuild, not hers to enforce. Maybe he’ll learn: kids crave effort, not edicts. What would you do—push the visit or let the teen lead? Share your thoughts below!