AITA for not being more involved in my mom’s new family and not taking on a role as an older brother?
In this post, the conflict revolves around the expectations placed on an 18-year-old college student regarding his role in his mother’s new blended family. After his father’s death when he was 7, he and his mom were a close unit until he moved out. Recently, his mom began dating a man named Brad, whose family—including Brad’s children—has become a significant part of her life.
Now, his mom and even Brad’s mother are pushing him to take on an “older brother” role with Brad’s kids, something he feels is unwarranted. Although he makes time for his mom with weekly lunches, he maintains little involvement with the new family members. This post asks whether he’s the asshole for not embracing a familial role with his mom’s new family.
‘AITA for not being more involved in my mom’s new family and not taking on a role as an older brother?’
Family therapist Dr. Sarah Miller emphasizes that blended families often face challenges when it comes to integrating new members. “At 18, you are establishing your own identity and setting boundaries, which is healthy and necessary,” she explains.
Dr. Miller points out that while it can be beneficial for family members to bond, these relationships should develop naturally rather than being forced. “No one can mandate an emotional connection. If you’re not comfortable taking on an older sibling role with Brad’s kids, that’s a boundary that needs to be respected,” she adds.
Dr. Miller also advises that open communication among all parties—especially between you and your mom—is essential to ensure that expectations are clear and that you are not pressured into a role you’re not ready for.
See what others had to share with OP:
Reddit users have largely sided with the poster. Many commenters stress that at 18, he is not obligated to fill a parental or sibling role with Brad’s kids, especially since he barely knows them and is busy with school and work. Several responses criticize Brad’s mother for overstepping and for imposing unrealistic expectations on him, noting that family bonds cannot be forced by external pressure.
Some also highlight that his grandparents did not adopt a similar role with Brad’s kids, and that his focus on his mom is perfectly valid. Overall, the consensus is that his feelings are justified, and that he should not be expected to assume a role he doesn’t feel ready for.
This situation raises important questions about the boundaries and expectations within blended families. Is it fair to force an 18-year-old to adopt a familial role with new in-laws simply because his mom wishes for a closer bond? How can families respect personal boundaries while fostering healthy relationships in a new family structure?
Have any of you navigated similar expectations in your blended families, and if so, how did you balance personal autonomy with family obligations? We invite you to share your experiences and strategies for managing these complex dynamics. Let’s discuss how to create a supportive environment where every family member’s boundaries are respected.
