AITA for making my sister’s gender reveal cake grey because she wouldn’t tell me the gender?

In a festive backyard buzzing with balloons, a gender reveal party hits a sour note when the cake—sliced open to gasps—reveals a grim, grey core. The baker, a hobbyist with a knack for showstopping desserts, stands accused of sabotaging his pregnant sister’s big moment, all because she left him guessing about the baby’s gender.

This Reddit tale whips up a storm of family friction and misfired expectations. When a lack of communication turns a celebratory cake into a concrete-colored letdown, the brother’s “neutral” choice sparks debate: was it petty revenge or a fair response to being left in the dark?

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‘AITA for making my sister’s gender reveal cake grey because she wouldn’t tell me the gender?’

I (22M) bake as a hobby, and I'm actually pretty good at it-like I get paid under the table for weddings and baby showers kind of good. My sister is pregnant and wanted me to make the cake for her gender reveal. Cool, no problem. I asked her to send me the info so I could prep the inside-classic pink or blue filling.

She says, 'Oh no, I want to be surprised too. Just make it neutral for the reveal and we'll all find out together.' I was like... huh? So you want a gender reveal cake with no gender revealed...? She says she'll have someone email the info to me later.. That someone never did. Deadline comes, and I still have no gender. So I make the cake. It's grey inside. Grey outside.

Just full on cement vibes. I even added little fondant clouds for effect. It still tasted great, but visually? Grim as hell. The reveal day comes, they cut into it, and my sister looks pissed. Her husband is confused. People start murmuring. Then she pulls me aside like, 'Why would you make it grey? That's so passive-aggressive.' calmly reminded her that no one told me the gender.

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I literally had no data to work with. I told her I wasn't about to guess or go full improv on someone's baby cake. Now my mom says I embarrassed her in front of the family and that I 'should've tried harder.' Tried harder to do what, summon the gender through vibes?. So... AlTA for making the most neutral reveal cake in history?

Edit: I actually did follow up-asked her a couple days before the reveal if the info had been sent, and she just said something like 'yeah, someone's taking care of it.' I figured it was handled. I didn't want to pester her since she seemed chill about it at the time.

This gender reveal gone grey is a recipe for family drama, blending miscommunication with a dash of passive-aggressive flair. The brother’s choice to bake a “cement vibes” cake, after his sister failed to share the baby’s gender, turned a joyful moment into a frosted fiasco. But who’s really at fault?

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Communication expert Dr. Deborah Tannen notes, “Misunderstandings in families often stem from assuming others know what we expect.” Here, the sister’s assumption that “someone” would send the gender info, paired with her vague responses, left the brother stranded. His grey cake, while creative, leaned into pettiness, signaling frustration rather than fostering clarity.

This saga reflects a broader issue: unclear expectations in family collaborations. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 62% of family conflicts arise from misaligned assumptions about roles and tasks. The brother’s follow-up attempt was brushed off, but his decision to go full grey skipped a chance to confirm plans.

For solutions, experts suggest proactive communication. The brother could have texted his sister days before, stating he’d make a neutral cake (like yellow or green) unless the gender was shared. A quick call to clarify expectations might have saved the day. If tensions persist, a family chat to reset boundaries could help.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s bakers and partygoers sliced into this one with zest, tossing out verdicts as sharp as a cake knife. Here’s what the community had to say:

Independent-Cat6915 − I’m confused. Did you not take the opportunity to message as the date was coming closer to tell your sister: “Hey, I haven’t gotten the info on the gender. A you check on this?”

Ok_Copy_8869 − Why couldn’t you have made it yellow and baby themed or something? It seems pretty vindictive to make the cake a “grim cement vibes” for an important event where you’d be serving many more people besides your air headed sister. I understand you were frustrated but damn, that’s all anyone is going to remember from that event now which was kinda YTA.

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PracticalPrimrose − Info: were you paid for your time and ingredients?. ETA: Op was not paid for time OR ingredients. Also they followed up to ask about the gender a few days before and was brushed off.. NTA in my opinion. Sis was pretty demanding and then all the other stuff…yeah - gray was a bit harsh. But then be respectful of your family and their donated expertise..

ETA #2: This thread is not titled “Would I do the same thing as the OP in a similar situation?” It is “ Am I the a**hole?”. You could equally go with everyone sucks here and it would be a valid judgment. But if OP is spending his money on ingredients and Sis can’t send a simple text message with the details needed to make the free cake, then I’m not really sure what to say… would I have made it gray? No. But do I fault that OP did? Not really.

Ok_Cover8010 − YTA, why didn't you tell her you never received the email so you could make the gender reveal cake she wanted?

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peony_chalk − ESH. Your sister shouldn't be asking for a genderless gender reveal cake. 'Make it neutral and we'll find out together?' Like what's the point of the cake then? Why not just ask you to make a cake that tastes good and is cute/appropriate for a baby shower? Your sister should have made sure you had the info you needed. You on the other hand ... yes, making it all grey was a d**k move.

People who choose not to find out the gender ahead of time are typically called 'Team Green.' Green would have been a great color if you didn't know the gender. Yellow is neutral too. So is white. Even orange or red would have been better than grey. You DID go full improv on someone else's baby cake, and you intentionally made the cake something you knew she wouldn't like.

You also could have followed up with your sister to remind her that you didn't have the info you needed, and to run your 'neutral' plan by her first. Not doing those things makes it look like you just wanted to p**s her off or embarrass her. If you didn't want to make the cake - because she's not entitled to a cake from you - then you should have just said so.

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Disastrous-Nail-640 − YTA.. 1) You should have let her know you didn’t have the info. 2) You could have just gone with a cute, normal chocolate or vanilla cake. But no. You chose to be mean and petty and make it look pathetic.

SessionBoring9259 − YTA. I understand the frustration but you could’ve told her nobody sent the info over and just made a cute baby shower style cake. It was in fact unnecessarily passive aggressive. Especially crappy to do to an emotionally fragile pregnant person on their special day. Communication sucked on both sides.

TMNTerps − Deadline comes, time to make the Cake. Pick up the Phone Hey Sis, nobody told me the gender and I have to make the cake now, what do you want?. Instead you chose to be a jerk. YTA.

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dryadduinath − yta. yes, you absolutely should have told your sister you hadn’t reveived the info you needed instead of baking her a punishment cake because someone else let things fall through the cracks. . to be clear, this was not passive, it was n**ty. . (i’m leaving my feelings on gender reveals out of this.)

pktechboi − INFO: why did you go out of your way to make it *grey*? that isn't neutral, it took effort on your part. neutral would be undyed plain sponge (beige/yellow) and undyed icing (white).

These hot takes range from calling the grey cake a petty masterpiece to slamming it as a party-ruining jab. But do they oversimplify the mix-up? Was the brother’s move a clever protest, or did he frost over a chance to communicate? Reddit’s split, and the icing’s still settling.

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This grey cake caper serves up a lesson: family events thrive on clear communication, not cloudy assumptions. The brother’s monochromatic masterpiece stirred up drama, but it also begs the question: when does frustration justify a bold move? Was he wrong to go grey, or was his sister’s vagueness the real party foul? Readers, what would you do if stuck baking blind for a family event? Share your thoughts—let’s cut into this one!

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