AITA for making my daughter miss once-in-a-lifetime events (homecoming and senior prom) and delete all of her social media as punishment for bullying?

The hubbub of high school hallways fades to a father’s stunned silence upon learning his daughter, Sam, has expelled a friend for bullying. In a home where kindness is the bedrock, the betrayal stings deeply, prompting a bold and divisive punishment: no homecoming, no prom, no car on her 18th birthday, and being erased from social media. When Sam pleads for mercy, her grandparents argue the measures are too harsh, but her father remains resolute, determined to teach her a lesson.

This raw tale of responsibility explodes with the weight of parental duty and teenage mistakes. As Reddit offers enthusiastic support and thoughtful advice, the story leaves us with a puzzle: how far should punishment go to right a wrong? With raw emotion, this is a story of consequences in a world that demands better.

ADVERTISEMENT

‘AITA for making my daughter miss once-in-a-lifetime events (homecoming and senior prom) and delete all of her social media as punishment for bullying?’

Yesterday I was informed that my daughter Sam was a part of a group of students who bullied another girl to the point that she had to switch schools. There was a racial aspect to the bullying, which came as a complete shock since my wife and I truly did our best to raise our 3 kids to be kind and honest individuals.

I don’t believe that a grounding and a confiscation of electronics is harsh enough for what Sam did, so I told Sam that she won’t be allowed to participate in homecoming or attend senior prom. I also told her that she won’t be getting a car for her 18th birthday either.

Finally, I told her that she’ll have to delete all of her social media accounts with either me or her mother watching. Sam begged me to allow her to go to senior prom because it’s a once in a lifetime event, and keep just her Instagram account because it had pictures going back years that weren’t saved anywhere else.

ADVERTISEMENT

I told her that she shouldn’t have been a r**ist bully. My parents are temporarily staying with us while their house is undergoing renovations. They agree that what Sam did was completely out of line and must be punished, but they think that making my daughter miss homecoming and senior prom and forcing her to delete her social media is far far too harsh.

Punishing a teen for bullying shouldn’t feel like swinging a sledgehammer, but for this dad, it’s a calculated strike. Sam’s role in driving a girl from school with racially charged harassment demands more than a time-out; his ban on prom, car, and social media aims to jolt her into accountability. Yet, her grandparents’ pushback and Sam’s pleas highlight a tension: balancing punishment with a path to redemption.

Bullying, especially with racial elements, leaves lasting scars. A 2023 CDC report notes 20% of U.S. high school students face bullying, with racial targeting amplifying trauma, often leading to academic and mental health struggles. Sam’s actions contributed to a peer’s upheaval, justifying severe consequences. The social media deletion targets a likely platform for her behavior, but risks alienating her without teaching empathy.

ADVERTISEMENT

Dr. Michele Borba, an expert on youth behavior, advises, “Effective discipline pairs consequences with opportunities to repair harm, fostering empathy over resentment” . Her insight suggests the dad’s approach is half-right: the punishment fits the crime, but lacks a roadmap for growth. Allowing Sam to back up her photos, as Redditors suggested, balances loss with fairness.

To strengthen this, the dad could require Sam to attend cultural sensitivity training or volunteer with organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters, fostering perspective. A therapist specializing in teen behavior, found via platforms like Psychology Today, could guide her reflection. This blends accountability with growth, ensuring Sam learns to mend, not just mourn, her mistakes.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit swung in like a wrecking ball, dishing out cheers and sharp advice for this parenting pickle. From praising the dad’s resolve to urging a redemption path, here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

ADVERTISEMENT

BaltimoreBadger23 − NTA: this seems appropriate to the level of offense here, especially the deletion of social media accounts. That said, there's a chance to teach the idea of repentance and redemption. Assuming you are in the US or Canada (I don't think homecoming is a thing elsewhere so I feel good about that assumption), the school year is just about to start and prom isn't until late April/early May.

Create a plan of restorative actions she can take to earn back prom. These actions can include volunteer service, ~~befriending someone who is an outcast at her school~~, cultural sensitivity classes, and (if possible) something that can positively impact the girl she bullied.

Also, giving her something to earn back like that let's her have a positive focus for the year. What she did was very wrong, and needs to have consequences, but it can be an important learning opportunity too. Good luck. Edit, some great conversation here.

ADVERTISEMENT

I crossed out the idea of befriending an outcast, and I agree that the pics should probably be saved, but maybe not ones with the other friends involved. I can also very easily detect those who have zero parenting experience and those who will probably end up LC or NC with their children someday because they have no feel for the idea of repentance and redemption.

It's a balance, people. Raising a teen means there have to be serious consequences for serious actions, but also teaching them how to behave in the right way, and that requires a path for earning back what they have lost.

RevRos − NTA. The person she bullied has also missed lifetime events - having a trauma free school life for one. That trumps going to prom or homecoming for me.. Let her back up the photos before deleting the social media accounts though.

ADVERTISEMENT

Acrobatic_Medium_722 − NTA.. The fact that the poor kid moved schools, and the fact that race was part of this tormenting?. Seems pretty fair to me.. The one thing you missed........ I'd also make sure the other parents of this group know. You'll soon find out which parent allows this sort of thing.

KaliTheBlaze − What if you gave the the possibility of earning things back? The point of punishing her is for her to learn from this. To become a better person. Often the best impetus for change is when people see you change and reward you for it.

So tell her that homecoming is gone, but if she genuinely learns from this and shows that she is a better person, she might be able to earn senior prom. She’s got to show real change and understanding. She’s got to do something that will really drive home for her how much harm she has done and how wrong her actions have been.

ADVERTISEMENT

The person she is today? That person doesn’t go to prom. But a kinder person, who chooses to be a force for good in the world? A person who helps and supports instead of tearing down? That girl could go to prom. She just has to make a plan with you about how she demonstrates that she is that person.

The right kind of volunteering, like homeless outreach or big brothers/big sisters, might help break down her walls and start seeing people as people instead of things to manipulate again. Might teach her some empathy. If it’s affordable for you, working with a therapist who specializes in bullying, both to counsel her and to build her road map to redemption, would be an excellent idea.

Let her download her Instagram pics before you make her delete the account - there)s a balance to that. She doesn’t have to give up her only copy of important pics, but she loses the online presence. NTA, but I think there are more effective things you can do than creating this big punishment that you can’t back down from.

ADVERTISEMENT

--BMO-- − NTA. As a bullying victim myself, thank you for teaching her that there are consequences for such horrid behaviour.

tintedrosestinted − NTA. Victim of r**ist bullying here. That trauma follows you for the rest of your life and getting proper help is hard as even in large cities, it can be difficult to find a therapist that specialises in racial trauma, especially a none white therapist. Parenting isn’t always fun but your job is to raise a decent human that can contribute positively to this world. Sounds like you’re doing your job. I wish more parents take note!

North_Badger6101 − NTA. 'Yesterday I was informed that my daughter Sam was a part of a group of students who bullied another girl to the point that she had to switch schools. '. Just LET my daughter get caught doing s**t like that.... If anything, your punishment is rather lenient.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − I didn't go to prom. I didn't get a car after graduation either. I turned out just fine. She needs harsh punishment for bullying. I think that this is fair.

believebs − Prom isn't a right, it's a privilege. She lost that privilege. ACTIONS =Consequences!!. NTA

jadepumpkin1984 − Nta. But save the pictures to a USB before deleting everything

ADVERTISEMENT

Redditors largely backed the dad, calling his punishment fair for such a serious offense, though some pushed for restorative steps like volunteering. Others shared bullying’s lasting pain, reinforcing the need for consequences. Are these takes a slam dunk, or do they miss the mark on rehab?

This family’s showdown over a teen’s cruelty lays bare the messy art of parenting. The dad’s ironclad punishment—yanking prom and social media—aims to teach Sam the cost of her actions, but risks hardening her heart without a way back. As grandparents plead for leniency, the story challenges us to weigh justice against growth. Have you ever faced a tough call on disciplining a teen? Share your thoughts—what would you do in this dad’s shoes?

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *